Why does my husband do this?

Question

He says that evertime I get upset I am over reacting. He never reacts to anything. The roof could be caving in and he will say "it will be fine, we'll get it", but then makes me feel like a jerk for getting upset about it.
The other day he suggested that maybe I should get on anxiety pills. I do not have an anxiety problem. Sometimes I do get a little overly upset about something gone wrong but I also can be fine in 5 mins. I feel like I am an emotional person and sometimes I just need to vent. He says I "take it out" on him. Shouldn't I be able to vent to my husband? I am trying to not get too upset about stuff, but then I feel like I can't be myself around him.
I'm I in the wrong here? Or is he? Or neither?

It's about half and half. Sometimes he will tell me everything will work out and be ok. Then the other times he will just argue with me. I guess I just want him to be my "hero" in a way and comfort me. When he argues with me it just gets me more upset.

Answer 1

Sounds like you over react a little, but a lot of people are like that. I've had a lot of friends like that, and it's best just to let them vent. Sometimes they seem better off than people like me who just keep frustration inside.

Not very nice of him to make "calm down" or "take pill" comments and it just makes things worse. I don't think either of you is at fault, he just should make a little more effort to be understanding of your personality.

Answer 2

Neither of you is really wrong. A lot of people are very calm and laid back and they just don't let things bother them. They figure they will change the things that they can and not worry about the things they can't.

Other people, like yoursef, are pessimistic and when things go wrong they panick briefly wondering what can be done to fix it. Nothing is wrong with either type of person.

The way you describe yourself I would advise you seeing your family doctor. Explain things to him, about how you get upset and then get over it quickly, about how you take it out on your spouse. It could very well be that you could benefit from an anit-anxiety medication.

There is nothing wrong with this, and nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people need a little help with emotions. Wouldn't it be better to be medicated a little and have peace around your house? The medication does not change your lifestyle except it cuts down on drinking alcohol. Make sure your doctor gives you a drug that will not affect your sex drive, there are ones that do. It does not take long for it to be effective.

It is worth trying if it might make your home life with your husband peaceful and loving.

Good Luck

Answer 3

My husband does the same thing to me. I get upset about things and he sits there and does nothing. I call him SPOCK cause he shows no emotion at all. He confused the living heck out of me.
I on the other hand suffer from depression/anxiety. So I tend to over react sometimes. It's just the way I'm built. Is it my fault. NO. Your husband shouldn't belittle you by saying you need anxiety pills. That's just mean. My husband did this once in the doctors office and my doctor went ballistic on him and then said. "DO YOU THINK I NEED ANXIETY PILLS". My husband said nothing. I did on the other hand tell him how I felt and he did send me to a specialist that deals with depression/anxiety disorders. I went of meds and felt alot better. When our spouse belittle our problems it only makes the anxiety worse for us. It's a dreadful feeling when this hits you. With me it's like OH MY GOD I SO HAVE TO VENT OR I WILL EXPLODE. Little things like a stupid toilet that won't stop running will annoy the heck out of me. I WANT IT FIXED THEN AND NOW. Hubby just says. Don't worry about it I'll get to it later...and that just frustrates you more. So now that I'm taking Paxil. I don't ask hubby to fix things any more, I do it myself. Now he's baffled . "Wow he said the other day, I didn't think you could fix a leaky pipe" lol I'm not saying you need to go on medication. That would be for a specialist or your doctor to decide. You just sound an awful lot like me, and believe me I know what it's like to have to not be myself around others. Paint on the fake smile...wear the mask to guise the real you. I hope this helps some. I would talk to my doctor...and see what he/she can do to help you. You might suffer from anxiety and maybe not. Hope you feel better.

Answer 4

Neither of you are wrong, but you guys just have to figure a way to deal with your problems together. You hvae to be able to feel like you can vent to your husband and he needs to feel like the world isn't over when you start talking. I know what you're talking about--my husband and I went through the same thing! :-) I started venting the whole story to other people and just giving my husband the highlights. He appreciated this so much that he started asking to talk to me more about things! *LOL* What a turnaround!!!

The important thing is (1) just to give him the highlights, not every single detail of what's going on with you. Save the details for a girlfriend. (2) Don't try to talk to him when a football/basketball game are on or if he's watching his favorite show...unless you can pause the show (which is possible with some cable systems). (3) Don't talk to him about anything as soon as he walks in the door from work. Men need time to decompress once they get home.

There are ways that you will be able to let out your frustrations and he'll be able to listen to them like a good husband, but you guys just have to find your middle ground. You could consider going to counseling together, but I don't think that you need to go on anxiety pills. I think that's just his way of saying "Enough is enough...I'm tired of it!"

Answer 5

You sound exactly like my friend and his wife. He is the type that immediately lets everything roll off his back and considers it over. His wife is definitely more prone to reacting and trying to discuss and solve the situation - which he views as dragging it out and making a big deal.

You both have different ways of communicating and reacting. Neither one is wrong, they are just not compatible as they are now.

You need to meet in the middle. You need to pay attention to how you react to what is happening and gauge whether it really is appropriate or not. He needs to be willing to actually deal with what is happening and "solve" it (or whatever needs to happen) before discounting it.

Since behavoral changes are rarely something that happen on their own. check into professional councelling at least for a little while.

Answer 6

You see things in opposite ways. Your sense of urgency probably doesn't agree with him.
He might be right, getting overly upset doesn't solve anything, and meds might help calm you down so you can think rationally.
It's not fair to him that you're always freaking out and stuff. It's okay to share when you have a bad day, but it's completely different for him to say you're taking your bad day out on him.
Listen to him, usually the people with the problem are the last ones to see it.
My doc gave me an anti-depressant. I thought he was nuts because surely I wasn't depressed. However, now I can more clearly assess situations and react to them. I don't freak out about things I used to. My emotions are now normal. There's nothing wrong with needing help. He's TELLING you there's a problem, you should listen before it drives a wedge in your marriage.

Answer 7

Possibly you might be in the wrong. Your husband is not someone you should vent on. You two are supposed to build each other up and be supportive of each other. Many times venting can be seen as an attack on the other person, especially if its about something he feels he's responsible for. He may have issues with not getting things done. But blowing up wont help. Take time to calm down, go for a walk, punch a tree, pray, or whatever you have to to get yourself under control then talk to him about the problem calmly. Nothing will shutdown someones ears quicker then angry words.

Answer 8

Hey, are you sure you aren't my wife? You guys sound exactly like us. Sorry, though, we haven't solved this one either. My wife, like you, carries her emotions very close to the surface. There's nothing wrong with that...its part of what I love about her. Me, on the other hand...it takes a lot to get me worked up. Most things tend to roll off my shoulders. It's not that I'm uncaring, I just don't worry about things I have no control over. My wife vents on me all the time. That usually doesn't bother me unless it erodes into personal attacks, which isn't frequent. I'd recommend staying off the pills and just ask your husband to bear with you as you let off steam. Sorry, I can't be much help here. If you get a good answer, pls let me know.

Answer 9

Men tend to be more logic mr fix it oriented where women are more emotion oriented that's a fact girl

What men tend to forget sometimes and i don't think they do it maliciously or whatever term you wanna use is that sometimes women just need to vent and that we don't always need to be fixed we just wanna be heard

I know my bf and i do that with each other at time i dont' see your wrong but what he said bout the anxiety might not nessecarily might be wrong

You may want to talk to your doctor bout that, I know men can have an insightful quality about them at times

I know with me and my bf at times he'll say something and i'm like why didn't i think of that or he'll say what i'm thinking

Sometimes hun we can inadvertantly take things out on our better half i know that i am guilty of that at times and we always work it out

Sometimes what he does with me is that when he knows that i am going through stuff he'll give me the time to figure it out and then i come to him and talk to him

I know that he knows me better than anyone

We've been together for about 6 years now but we knew each other as friends for quite a while

Sometimes another thing that men forget is that words hurt and that's the thing with words once there out you can't take them back

The Key is Good Communication

If you'd like you can add me to your messanger and we can talk more

Answer 10

There is a fine line here. Yes, to a certain point you should be able to vent, but not to the extent of making him your whipping post. Constantly taking out your frustrations in other areas on your husband is not healthy. If your problem is with him then deal with him. If it isn't then simply talk (non-emotional talking) with him, and see what he thinks. It sounds like you are an emotional and excitable person, and he is more stoic in nature. Don't try to change him and he shouldn't try to change you. It is just the way that both of you are and that is what you are going to have to deal with. Once you try to change someone they could potentially turn into someone you don't love anymore. Not to mention you will get them out of their element and make them feel uncomfortable.