my husband keep on lieing to me about not smoking,but i keep on finding out.. what should i do?? i hate this..

Question

every time he comes cring ,and saying sorry, but keep on hapeening again. i cant trust him agian. but i love him,and we have a son toghether.

Answer 1

just leave him alone and quit making him feel like he has to cry, thats just mean!

Answer 2

Well I guess you have several things to ask yourself enable to evaluate this simple question.

1. Is he actually trying? Or just doesn't want to give it up but saying he's trying so you get off his case?

2. Do you still love him despite his smoking habit? Smoking turns me off in a big way, so you aren't 'weird' if this is a no.

3. If you are truely bothered by this, and you can't trust him. Then perhaps you need some alone time away from each other? Either have him leave for awhile and keep your son with you, or take your son and leave yourself. I would suggest the former, leaving yourself can cause a lot of stress and unhappyness for your son. Especially because of the possibility he might have to change schools.

Answer 3

One...I find it absolutely hysterical that a man will sit there and not only lie...but start crying because he had a cigarette or two or three.

Look....I've smoked for 30 years. Quitting is easy. I should know...I've done it a thousand times. But in all seriousness, I like the taste of tobacco. I smoke outdoors and not in the house. I have made it clear to my wife I enjoy smoking and I'm not ready to quit. Know what? She doesn't give me any grief. None.

In addition...if you base your entire 'trust' in your spouse and then think you can never trust him again because he sneaks a smoke...you have some issues to address as well as he for not coming out and saying.."Yeah..I'm smoking again" instead of crying like a little girl.

Man...both of you need to get real here. There's a helluva lot more important things in life to get your underwear all twisted up about than something as mundane as this.

Answer 4

There is a trust issue there and I can understand where you are coming from. However trying to quit smoking is a very hard thing for some people. Maybe you should try to be more supportive. Tell him you are simply concerned about his health and that you just want to make sure he is around so you can grow old together. Go to the store with him and get some "quiting smoking" goods. See if he will go to the doctor for help as well.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

When he's in a good mood, talk to him bout how much u hate it and that if he'll choose to work on it, with u helping him out, he can get rid of the addiction. Tell him to cut off smoking every month by 25% ...He can't stop it suddenly... Don't smother him... but once in a while u can take up tricks like not talking to him at all for a day... lol emotional blackmail...However, for the "victim" to leave smoking, it requires a great deal of will power. So, if he doesn't want to leave smoking with all his heart, im afraid u can't do much to help the situation. But u can still try. Be be careful, dont smother him!!

Answer 6

Are you seriously thinking about breaking up with him just over the fact that he smokes and lies about it? Maybe he's lying to you about it because you give him such a hard time when you find out that he's been smoking. This habit is hard to break. It's not like he can just turn it off in a matter of moments. Do you believe that he's truely sorry? It sounds like you're thinking that if he's sorry, he should be able to just stop smoking. I don't know the history of your relationship, but I don't think that smoking and lying about it are reasons to leave the relationship.

Answer 7

Smoking is a tough habit to quit. I smoked for 25 years and quit about 10 years ago. It was one of the toughest things I have ever done.

Well I suggest you love on him and try to work the smoking thing out together. If he feels you are on his side about quiting smoking then he will be more apt to tell you if he fails.

He is hiding it because he knows you don't like it and get mad when he slips up and smokes.

Show him what it does to his health. Show him how much it costs. Tell him that you want him to quit because you love him and want to spend many years together and don't want to see him die of lung cancer.

Finally, the best way to change someone is simple........... change yourself. This is the only control we have of a relationship anyway. We can't change others but we can change ourselves.

Answer 8

Smoking is one of the hardest addictions to overcome. The best thing you can do is support him in quitting. Realize that if he needs that one cigarette at a horrible stressful time, that maybe you should just support him. If he sees that you are supporting him, without getting angry and judging him, it will be easier to quit. While this is HIS addiction do whatever you can to help. Sometimes one of the best things you can do is keep him busy! Busy people think about smoking less than bored people. Please, whatever you do...do not DEMAND that he quit, because he might feel less supported and it might backfire, with him just giving up. He must have the desire to quit and seeing that you are supporting him without nagging, yelling or judging him, will help so much. I speak from personal experience. Most people who smoke do know how bad it is and do want to quit someday...it is just a matter of actually doing it and going through the whole mess and ordeal! Good luck!

Answer 9

Its not a trust issue, I have known a lot of people to attempt to quit smoking and only about 10% of them ever did for good. Most of them would complain about headaches and any time they were stressed, they had a strong urge to smoke. Its not something that he can quit cold turkey. Its an addictive habit and very hard to break. He is only sneaking them because he know how it hurts you, but perhaps instead of quiting cold turkey, he could ease off of them by perhaps smoking once less cig. a day or something. YOu should be supportive of him and if he does smoke one, say it is ok and that you want to be there to help.

Answer 10

I assume that you have done everything possible to convince him to quit, and even asked the aid of someone he respects to convince him to quit. So, other than that.....

My grandma did this with my grandpa for their 50+ years of marriage. He always knew, though - he was even the recipient of the second-hand effects of the smoke at times. However, it was she who died first, from lung cancer - but not until they had gone through many years of her hospitalizations & ill health. This cost Grandpa a lot not only in medical expenses, but in worry & concern over her health.

The bottom line though is that nothing you can say will change the fact that your hubby has a very addictive habit, one in which he will have to find a way to quit on his own. As long as he keeps the smoke out of your child's and your airspace, you can love him as any of us do who love a person with a risky lifestyle.

My husband races fast motorcycles and climbs high mountains. He runs risks when he pursues these activities, but I can't impose my worries on him when it comes to things that he considers worthwhile. I have to take that as the risk of loving him, as I won't be his "policeman". Hiding and guilt do not make good relationships.

Answer 11

Herein lies the problem with non-smokers living with smokers. I too am a smoker and I have to tell you it is EXTREMELY difficult to quit smoking. You are mentally AND physically addicted. When you do try to quit, you are nuts mentally. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to quit. But, one thing I can tell you is he will quit when HE'S ready to. You can't force it. People have to quit for themselves and won't for anyone else. It's not selfish, it's an addiction. See if he will try the patches. They work very well with the exception of being under high stress...then nothing works. The more stress you put on him, the less it's going to work. You have to be supportive and NOT nagging. Get the patch, be supportive and understanding if he lapses...let him try again.