My ex and i got married with i was 23. He was military, we got married and didnt tell anyone. I'd been with him for 2 and a half years. We figrued we'd get married, i could live with him, he'd get more money, i'd get benefits, we'd tell people we were engaged, then have a wedding later. DUMB! It lasted a year, then he called me on the phone from another state and told me he didnt want to be with me anymore. My world shattered. I didnt have a plan B. i thought he was it and i never thought i'd be living life without him. It has been hard for me to find the good in any of this. It's good, because he obviously didnt love me, now i'm free from that...but my relationships have suffered greatly in the past 4 years. Ive anesthesized myself with alcohol, I've been promiscuous, the men i like are losers. I have a good job and i'm in grad school, but my relationships have been awful, i've lost friends. I have gone to therapy, what should i do? I'm 29 now....
2007-10-23 04:13:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
am i abnormal in that after 4 years i am still having issues that i cant resolve?
2007-10-23 04:18:18 · update #1
I think i maybe had some issues before him...i had an eating disorder for 6 years before that. I just dont think i'll ever get married again. I"ve always wanted children...i dont think it will happen.
2007-10-23 04:23:23 · update #2
Your first step towards the road to recovery is acknowledgment...that's what you are doing. Continue with therapy, gain your self-esteem back and remember that not all guys are like your ex, so don't blame them for it.
2007-10-23 04:21:01 · answer #1 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You weren't DUMB. Your first error in thinking is that you did something wrong or that you could have possibly done something different to change the result. You thought he was the one, and he made you believe you were the one too. You simply will not get an answer from him, and you will never get your "why".
Relationships are trial and error, you put so much into them and then one day you realize you are not getting it back form the other person. It hurts, but you really don't want to be with someone who will not respect you and love you the way you need to be loved.
Your fear of ever having to go through that again is reflected in your current relationships, or flings. If you pick out a shitty man, you know he is not marriage material or worth keeping around, so you can send him on his way and lose nothing, or fear him calling you and saying it's over.
You need to pick yourself up and realize you control your actions and you make things happen the way you want them to. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who you can spend time with and enjoy it.
You know what you don't want. you don't want a dishonest person, you don't want someone who cannot respect your feelings, or console them.
1) Get healthy. Stop your self medicating and stop letting your past govern your fututre. 2) Find groups, societies, club events, fund raisers, etc. pertaining to the things you like, if you meet someone there, then you know you have something in common.
2007-10-23 11:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, love and marriage and kids can happen, but you have to stop setting yourself up for failure! Hold out for a good man. Don't stop looking till you find him. Your husband was a mean, selfish person who made you keep your love a secret from the world, and then left you with nothing. Get some good counseling from a professional and start valuing yourself. Just because he left you doesn't mean you don't have any value! Become involved in activities that you would want the man of your dreams to be involved in. Start living the way your dream man would live, and you will find him. You are young and there is lots of hope if only YOU will love yourself!
2007-10-23 11:26:01 · answer #3 · answered by Kitten Hood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went to something similar. Married at age 23. He was military he left. right after the wedding call said he didn't want to married. Month later I was pregnant. We stayed married. For 24 years. We went back and forth of him wanting to be a husband and father. Only to leave three months later during our marriage he fathered 4 children out of our marriage I have 2 sons. He lived with other women. I always took him back. I bought my own house,cars and raised to good sons. Took him back 2003 after talking to his dying mother she convinced me to give him another try. She died 4 months. later. Now I've lost just about everything. He stole money. That was for bills, house payment etc..., Now I am back to where I was at age 23 but I'm 47 yrs old. What I am saying is girl don't waste your time. I am divorced now one month. I have moved on. I am so happy I wish I had done this when I was 23 right after our wedding. There this thing that is waiting for you it's called life. Go get it now. Don't you waste another second drinking, thinking you did something wrong. I always worried about what others would say about my marriage not working. guest what I don't care because I am what matters. I am so happy and so blessed to have this loser out of my life. You know what I am SO HAPPY. count your blessing and say
Lord thank you So get up and go get some life. I did it I know you can. Get yourself together and don't be angry at your ex. It his lost. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Email me let me know how you're doing
2007-10-23 13:30:44 · answer #4 · answered by Jus Me Being Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a kid thats gotten messed up by a divorce (my parents are seperated but not divorced yet). But I think you should be glad you didnt have any kids, and for now until you find a guy that makes you feel happy and loved and wouldnt leave you for anything in the world you should adopt because theres plenty of kids out there that need and want a loving home. And from how you seem I think you would be a very loving parent and you would have alot to give them.
2007-10-23 12:21:44 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Koala ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You took this really personal. You were really hurt and, have been taking it out on yourself. You have to realize he was the one who asked for the divorce and he was the one who stopped loving you. It had nothing to do with you.
You are a wonderful person that deserves the good things in life. Why do you feel you don't? He took the trust and, smashed it not you. You need to feel better about yourself and move on and know you deserve so much more then you are allowing......Good luck
2007-10-23 11:21:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop thinking about the past. concentrate on ur school, job and don't accept losers near to u. u're young and u have a lot of years in front of u. fix back the relations with ur friends, with the real ones. if they r real friends they should understand u. u should start to love urself, u r the most important for urself. take care of u coz if u don't the jerks will notice and take advantage of that.
2007-10-23 11:21:12 · answer #7 · answered by Altheea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, 6 years should have been plenty of time for you to move on. I was married for 19 years when we split and I have moved on much quicker than you. Email me if you'd like.
2007-10-23 11:21:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but my sons life will never be the way he would like for it to be. Sad how the children are the ones who suffer in divorce.
2007-10-23 11:19:07 · answer #9 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce didn't mess me up, but the horrible marriage sure did. Lots of healing going on once the divorce was finalized!
2007-10-23 11:17:47 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋