i split with my ex last febuary, i was very hurt at the time as she kicked me out with no were to go. it has taken many months but i have re built my life to a better standard than it was whilst in the relationship. during the split i did and said some appauling things to hurt her as i was hurting and wanted her to feel the same. but now i feel ashamed about this. my ex had a child from previous relationship that i help raise as my own for 4 yrs so i felt i was losing two people that i loved. its her daughters birthday on saturday should i send a card or leave well alone. i was thinking to send the card to my ex with a letter explaining why i did these things to hurt her and telling her there will allways be in my thoughts? that way she can decide weather to give the card or not, what do you think?
2007-10-23 04:13:12 · 21 answers · asked by john 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Definately send the child a card, you can send your ex a letter just make sure that you explain yourself clearly, make sure that you dont give her any false hope, just in case she is thinking about getting back with you and make sure she doesnt think that you are blaming her for anything and everything otherwise she will probably retaliate and not pass your card on to the child.
2007-10-23 04:23:31 · answer #1 · answered by leambi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know you were wrong and people say things that they don't mean when they are mad. But you said you re built your life so basically you moved on. Personally, I wouldn't shun the child out because of something that did not involve her, that's not fair at all. At the same time I wouldn't put a letter in the card saying anything. Just give the child the card and if she wants to pursue it any further than let that be her decision. But if you put a letter in the card it looks like you are going through the child to get to her and that's not right. If your ex wants an explanation from you than let her ask you and pursue it that way. Don' t just voluntarily give information that someone doesn't want.
2007-10-23 04:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by aja d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can all say things at the heat of the moment and then regret it later which shows you have a heart.
When we are not truly listening to ourselves and others, painful words are often exchanged which can leave an impact on us for the rest of our lives.
If it makes you feel better and it helps you to move on why not write down how you feel. You can either give it to her in person and tell her how sorry you are.
If you cannot do that why not put the letter it in an blank envelope and put it in any post box. When you do that you are letting go on all levels, emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental and it does help you move forward. Its like cutting the ties that bind with that person on an energetically level.
Why not send a card to her on her birthday as you may regret it when she and you are a lot older.
You will know what to do when the time is right.
Good luck.
2007-10-23 04:29:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With regard to writing a letter to tell her your sorry I doubt that it will do anything. But to be fair there is no harm in sending the little one a card and present because at the end of the day it is not the child's fault. But if you have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off you must move on. Feb last year is a fair amount of time try not to beat yourself up about things.
2007-10-23 18:30:24 · answer #4 · answered by Edgein 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your guilt is bothering you alot. Whether or not you were in the wrong or not for the end of the relationship I think you should do what you have to do to allay your guilt.
It's not always about who says sorry first, it's about being true to you. I will say sorry cos I hate bad feeling. Even if I'm not in the wrong.
I think that you should write the letter for your own sake. Put the card for the child in with the letter cos it should be up to her if she passes it on as the child isn't yours.
2007-10-23 07:53:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No card to your ex - you're the one who was dumped so you are not the one who owes the explanation.
Send the birthday card to her daughter if you want. Ultimately, you can't control if your ex interferes with that.
Whatever you do, don't tell her that they will always be in your thoughts (even if it's true) as you will only make yourself vulnerable to her again. But do ask yourself what your interest is in having contact again - and make sure you remember the long road you had to take to repair the damage she did to your life.
2007-10-23 04:27:13 · answer #6 · answered by banana6464 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as this does not mean that you are not over her yet, I don't see what the harm will be. After all, you have been like her father for those 4 years!
I think, if you ex has any sense, she will know that the things you said were out of hurting, and that you really didn't mean them.
I wish you all the luck!!!
2007-10-23 04:26:02 · answer #7 · answered by Sesoid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would send the card to her daughter - but address it to your ex with a note saying only that you are thinking of the child and if she is alright with it to please give the card to her. That's all - don't explain yourself. Let your ex think that you are only thinking of the interests of the child - and NOT her. Then the ball is in her court if she wants to contact you or not.
If she is a decent person, she will give the card to her daughter and then give you a call to thank you.
2007-10-23 04:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by Maeve 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is hard, i would send a girl a happy birthday card, and maybe a note to her mother with explanation, but would not go into much detail. If she a nice woman she wont stop a girl remember you, as you were there for 4 years.
2007-10-23 04:29:21 · answer #9 · answered by silvi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you should send the birthday card alone for the daughter, but don't put your name or address on it, so that way she will give it to her daughter, and if you want to send her a letter, send that by itself to the mom. Wish you luck!
2007-10-23 04:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by happy 16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋