I was with my ex-gf for 4 years from 2002-06. just didnt marry her, just got SCARED about it. I did tell her we would marry a few times, then always told her to wait. I know I messed up BIG TIME. I am stupid. I never was with another girl, just thought things were great as they were and I knew in time I would marry this girl. Well, all of the sudden she told me in December that she was tired of waiting and that she didnt want to "waste her life waiting for me and false promises." She reconnected with some friend she had and they got maried 4 months later in April. I was and am still DEVASTATED. I love this girl deeply, I cant believe she did this!! I told her to marry me instead when I found out about it, but she said it was "too late." Since this time, she has called/email a bunch of times telling me she prefers to be with me and made a mistake. But, she cant see herself getting divorced bcs. she would hurt him and herself. Anything I can do? Will she be happy? I love her too much.
2007-10-23 04:08:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Life sucks. You messed up. She messed up. Tell her not leave you alone and you leave her alone until she gets separated and divorced.
2007-10-23 04:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by Opps 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes it takes something DRASTIC to prod someone along. First of all, 4 years is alot of time to figure out something. Yes, marriage is scary, but as you're finding out, it's scarier knowing she can't be in your life anymore.
It doesn't matter what she's feeling right now, she married him and even though she thinks she made a mistake, it's her mistake to make. This marriage/divorce, whatever, is all in her hands.
Don't wait around for her, take some time for yourself and find out what you want, go back to school, stay busy and soon, it will become clear where you're headed next, but back off entirely from her, do not answer her emails, no more phone calls, let her figure out what she wants to, without all the added pressure or you being her safety net.
2007-10-23 11:20:45 · answer #2 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut all communication with her. You messed up by not asking her to marry you, and she messed up by not accepting your "late proposal". Bottom line: She's married. She's off limits. Put yourself in her husbands shoes...how would you feel if it was your wife contacting an ex, and saying she made a mistake? She's moved on...so should you. A new marriage is rough, and she's just thinking too much. Nothing else. Change your number, get a new email and move on!
2007-10-23 11:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away. Stop making her think you're there waiting. Leave and allow her to learn to appreciate what she has. She has made a decision and she has to stand by it. If you really love her, give her peace.
And if you love yourself, stop torturing yourself by thinking how you'll get her back. She already said she can't divorce her husband. The pain will go away and you'll find someone else. Just learn from this mistake. If you find someone again, never let her go.
2007-10-23 11:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by slimergoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she makes the step to divorce then you can marry her. She must make this decision herself and go through with the divorce soon. If she waits too long then I say get on with your life and find a new love.
2007-10-23 11:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do and, she needs to stop e-mailing you and calling you. If she doesn't you will never be able to move on. She is trying to hold on to you cause she made a mistake. It would be more of a mistake to stay married to a man she doesn't love. And if she did leave him would you be able to forget she ran off and got married? And was with another man?
She can be happy if she works on her marriage....
2007-10-23 11:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably won't be happy since all she wanted was to get married instead of marrying the right person. Why would you want to be with someone who only cares about just being married rather than being with someone you love.
2007-10-23 11:17:27 · answer #7 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with eveyrone whos said stop communicating withher
she left you
leave it alone
tell her to stop harassing you
or you will never be able to move on with your life
she wants you to stay in love with her
so dont
she left its her mistake you can now find someone who loves you enough to stay with you
i can tell you now not all women want to be married that desperately
ive been with my fiance now 7 years and i would NEVER leave just because we are not married yet
she probablywanted the dream relationship, this ideal that is so often put into womens minds from their childhood
little realising she no doubt already had the realistic ideal because you loved her enough to stay with her for 4 years
you will find someone who loves you for you and not you for your ability to one day be a 'husband'
dont you wait for her to come out of her mistake only to rush you into another one with her
marrying when you are not ready and dont yet want to is a mistake
get on with your life and find yourself someone new
stop letting her use you
and dont be pushed into marriage by anyone
you do it when you are ready and happy to do it
when thats what you now want for your life
not because someone forced and manipulated you into it
marrige is very scary when you are not ready,
when you are ready its not so scary because its just the next phase in your relationship and love and life together and you will be a lot happier
if you have apprehensions about marriage then figure out what it is thats so scary to you and try to work through it
2007-10-23 11:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by froufrou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to back away completely including not taking her calls or answering her messages.
If she ends her marriage then it must be her decision and you can't be what she considers a "landing pad" for her if she does leave her husband.
If you stop communicating with her she will do one of two things. She will either decide she has to make her marriage work, or she will realize she is unhappy and leave him. She can't make her decision based on her thinking she has you as a back-up.
Tell her that as much as you would like to have her back you can't be involved as long as she is with him. Tell her that you want to stop talking while she decides on her own what she really wants.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-23 11:19:02 · answer #9 · answered by mn lady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's married - stop taking her calls and e-mails.
You snooze, you lose. Plain and simple.
She made a mistake that she has to live with. Move on and try to be happy - don't make the same mistake twice, ok?
2007-10-23 11:15:05 · answer #10 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hopefully u are both sure your feelings are right otherwise you and her are making a big mistake! but if you to are both sure you should get bk together, i know her husband will be hurt but aint it better to know now than find out she is having an affair. i hope things work out but make sure you both love each other and try not to lat anyone get hurt in the future!!!
2007-10-23 11:21:21 · answer #11 · answered by pinky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋