cheating wife what to do?

Question

Hi im 22yrs old i been married for 2 years and been with my wife for 5. we have to boys one is 3yrs old and the other is 11mo old. a couple of days ago my wife when out with some co-workers she was getting off from work at 5pm. i ask her to please pick up the kids from the babysitter before she when out. my never picked up the kids and that day came home at 5 am in the morning. after questioning her i found out that shes was in a hotel with one of her co-workers. my creditcard statement comfir that she also paid for it. that day we argu and it got physical since then we been trying to work things out but is not workin everything is still fresh in my memory and i dont know what to do

Answer 1

If you love her you may try to work through it with counseling. No matter what, you will always have a wounded heart.

Answer 2

Well dude, I know it feels great to be pressed into the physical but this may have been the one reason.

I think you need to make things very clear to her that you will not accept this behavior from her. Not now and not ever.

I think you need to get some immediate reassurance that this will not evger happen again or she must get out. If there is any resistance to this send her to the curb.
This is step one. Put an immediate stop to it. DO NOT let her lay that abusive rap on you either. This would never have happened without her pulling this crap.

You need to stop and take a couple deep breaths. This is way to fresh in your mind right now and you cannot see clearly.
Her BS turned you into an abuser. That is not something we ever want to consider ourselves as. But it happens.
Make your own resolve that you will not raise a finger in the future. Make that resolve right now and move on. You will find that most long term married guys have things they are not prowd of. Resolve to never be physical and make sure that happens.
If you wish to continue you must get a promise that this will not happen ever again as long as you are together. Second, make her expalin what the hell she was thinking. Do not accept that this was your fault. The it just happened line is crap and do not accept it. Also do not accept alcohol as an excuse. We do noting drunk we do not think of sober.

Third, if you are to continue get it very clear what happens if there is ever a recurrance. Get it in writing sort opf a post nup.

DO NOT CONTINUE IF THERE IS NO REMORSE.

For you again take some time and a lot of deep breaths. Remember to eat. Stay close to yoer kids.
If this takes a turn for the worse or she is not sorry, throw her out and raise your kids.

Take some time and see where it goes. The damage is done.
This cannot be undone or made better by leaving. If she has figured out this was the worst she could do to you short of killing your kids then there is some basis for continuing.
If she has not figured this out throw her cheating @ss to the street where it belongs. This is not acceptable behavior.
Adults either fix their marriage or disolve it before this.

Good Luck Dude,

Answer 3

You two are kinda young, and I know it seems scary that some one you love is acting out like this. I would recommend couples counseling. You can ask your pastor in your church or go to a clinic and sometimes they have a sliding scale fee. that is you can get services based on your income, so it may not be that much. You should also give your self time to think about this situation. Has she done this type of thing before? Is this usually how she acts? Did she do this for attention from you? Will you be able to rebuild your trust? Take some time to your self and sort this all out. I do not reccomend telling your personal business to your friends, her mother, your mom, etc. The last thing you need is everyone in your business. Try to work it out amongst yourselves, and try to get a third party involved a professional, or religious person to help you two sort this all out. Ask your wife to tell you truthfully if there is something that you can do so she wont do this again. Like what did this guy say to her, (manipulate) this situation so that she acted like that. Listen, and use your words to talk, not physical cause you got small children involved and they need a mom and dad both in the home. Marriage is not easy, but still try to work it out and keep your marriage together. hope this helps in some way

Answer 4

Married for 2 with a 3 year old child means that you didnt wait until marriage.

Once the relationship is founded on "my pleasure" and "no rules" does it stay that way? Sometimes, but not all. It depends on who the people are, and how they grow and change over time.

What changes at the wedding ceremony and what power does the piece of paper have? The paper never had power. The total power of the ceremony and paper is that the community has agreed to impose support and penalty, reward and punishment, strength and weakness, upon the couple contingent upon their behavior. The true power of the marriage comes not from the outside, but from the inside.

It doesn't matter if your wife had an affair, thats not the issue to you. You think it is, she might think it is, but thats not the issue. The reason your answers don't satisfy the question is because you are trying to answer a question that is different from the one you are asking.

You need to figure out what the question you are asking really is before you try to answer it.

Answer 5

I know what you are going through. A certain person I know went through that exact same thing. His wife went back to her hometown by herself and he stayed at home clear across the country to work, and when he got his credit card statement, he found out that she paid for a hotel room. Number one, how stupid could she be? Next, he served her with divorce papers right then and there. No questions asked. It's all about trust, and once something like that happens, you lose trust in that person. I would serve her with divorce papers and a copy of the proof you have that she was with someone else. Don't act pitiful when you do it, because you have to show her that you don't need to be treated like that. Be strong and show her that you can find someone who puts family ahead of everything else. Forgetting a birthday is one thing, but forgetting her own kids? That takes a retard. I have two kids and a husband my self. You might be giving her all the love you can, and you might have shown her that you love her the whole time you've been together, but to her, something's missing. I don't know why people cheat, and I don't think anyone knows. She probably wasn't ready for any kind of life long relationship. She still wants to be young and free apparently. Sorry to make it so long, but think of yourself and your kids. Kick her out of your life. Just don't go and search for that special "someone else" right away, let it happen on its own.

Answer 6

The question is do you want to work this out? If you do, then you absolutely need professional help. Go to marriage counseling and/or find a marriage workshop weekend. You may need to take some time apart, this is a very difficult position to be in for you and for her also. Both of you need to want this 100% and be willing to give 110% to make this work. It will be very difficult but can be great in the end. You need to get your mind off of this, take up new hobbies and spend some time with your friends. Can you stay with family for a while? I would take a break for a couple weeks (at least) in addition to the counseling. You might also check with a doctor about anti-depressants to help you get through this. Good luck :)

Answer 7

Ok, you have options. First, you could decide to leave her... divorce... and break up your family. This betrayal is horrible and Im sorry you have to go through this... but you do have another option and that is counceling. You know... there is no shame in asking for help. If it were just the two of you, I would say divorce right away (I could not stay with my husband if he cheated) but since there are children involved, it may be of benifit to you all if you tried counceling. If there is a tiny bit of love left in you for this woman... then try to see if you can save the relationship for the kids. However, if there is no love left and you are going to fight and be miserable, that is no place for your children either. Think of them first and see what you can do to make them have the best life possible while trying to work through problems with your wife. Good luck hun... I wish you all the best ))hug((

Answer 8

In my experience, once a cheat, always a cheat. She betrayed your trust in the most hurtful way that a spouse can. It is up to you weather you can forgive her and go on, and up to her if she wants the marriage to work as well. If you didn't have kids, I would say dump her. But with the kids, if you both want to work it out, you may wish to seek good counseling. Because this will affect the kids as well and you have to think about that. The memory of her cheating will never go away. It is up to you how you deal with it, especially if you stay together. If you choose to let it go and forgive her, it has to stay forgiven. Don't bring it up every time you have a fight.

On the other hand, she has to start proving to you that she can be trusted again. She has to come right home from work every day and NEVER go out and party without you. It might be a good idea if she quit her job as well to get away from that co-worker.

Answer 9

WOW!!! she paid for it TOO?? I think that you should take your kids and seperate for awhile. She needs to think about whether she really wants to married or a mother. I mean darn at least you could od is pick the kids up from the baby sitter. And ok you cheated and you paid for it. But your going to rub it in my face by coming home at 5 am. When we both know what that means????/Dude really you need some space! I am suprise your able to write this. I would be behind bars by now but I would get off for temporary insanity.

Answer 10

I am so sorry you are going through this. My obvious question would be, "why did you marry and have kids at such a young age"?. Young people do not realize and do not see that without the maturity to make a marriage work it will be doomed to fail, the statistics back this up. Why young people would put themselves through so much heartache is unbelievable. The reason why your wife cheated is simple, she is too young & obviously immature to even know the devastation it took on the marriage. Now who suffers, the children. Their are people that have beaten the odds and were able to make their marriage a success, but trust me, even they were not able to accomplish this without pain. My advice would be for you and your wife to get help from a marital counselor. You both will not be able to work through this alone. There is hope, what is needed is for the both of you to WANT to make it work, and it will. Seek out for some professional help and I do hope you both will be able to work this through. Best of luck to you!

Answer 11

its not really a gud thing to blame yourself for such things and i'm not saying do so, but sometimes a wife would go out and find someoine else coz there's sumthing u r not doing that she wants u 2 do,maybe there's sumthing u r doing that she doesnt want u to do. So she finds someone who can do o not do those thing.Whether u both talk abwt it wont make a difference unless u talk abwt what made her go out there-sit down and ask if she has a problem with u o her life in the house wth the kids.but it will also depend on the type of person she is,mayb she wasn't like this,her love history(talking from exprnc)Whether she wants 2 work things out or not.....