Depression question?

Question

Hi there, mylife over the last 8months has changed beyond belief. I have separated from my husband of 10years, fallen head over heels in love with the man I should have originally married, changed jobs and had to adjust to bringing up 2 fantastic kids on my own.
My family have not exactly helped the situation I am in but to be fair it can't be easy for them. The problem I have at the moment is I really can't seem to cope with my job at all, in fact I hate it that much I have considered doing really stupid things. My boyfriend is worried sick about me but although I think about doing things I would never hurt my kids by leaving them or anything like that. I am a childminder and the kids I look after happen to be my sisters 2 boys (my nephews) and a friends 2 boys. To be honest becoming a childminder was a big mistake in the first place but now the youngest one (10 months) is driving me to distraction. He cries all day, and I mean ALL DAY! I cannot cope with him screaming and although

I hate to say it its beginning to make me really hate him. Everyone else in the family knows what a nasty little monster he is but as they dont have the misfortune to spend 10hours a day with them its not too bad for them.
I know you'll all say i'm a crap childminder but I just can't take anymore of his screaming.
I have lost all of my happy side and cannot seem to function properly mon to fri when he's around. I don't know what else to do cos don't wanna be doped up on anti depressants but can't see any other options. I have to work as it's only my wage to support my 2 wonderful, beautiful children.
Any suggestions please?

thank you bumcheek for not just slagging me off.

Sparks nevada wild child, take it you've got nothing constructive to say then? Get a life and don't bother answering my questions again.

Laura G, thank you so much for your kind comments.

Answer 1

just get rid of your hassles look after your kids not others.i have had 35 years of hassle and yes sometimes i feel like ending it but what will that do it will just be that i am a loser.go out do things anything but dont take tablets its not the answer i promise.

Answer 2

You said two things that disturbed me very much.You used the word -hate-and you called a young child a-monster.You absolutely should NOT be around children.You have a very small problem that can be solved by getting a job that will be less stressful.I don't know why you cant figure that out all by yourself,it is quite obvious.If I was a parent of a child that you are taking care of and I read what you wrote about the children I wouldn't trust you for one second with my child.Get counseling and get a job away from those children.

Answer 3

You have been through a lot lately, but I don't think that that has nothing to do with the fact that this child is just out of order. As one of the comments here, I think you can just say "this kid is far out of order, and I refuse to look after him. Please find yourself another childminder". Nobody will judge you for that. Me particularly, dont get well with kids, but then, that is just me.

I don't think anti-depresants is the answer either. You know what the focus of the problem is, so you need to attack it now, before it causes any damage.

I wish you all the best!!!

Answer 4

It takes a special person to take care of other peoples children all day long. All I can say is I'm not one of them for day in day out. We have the best woman in the world that has made our lives here wonderful. We're military and without her I don't know what I would do! It just sounds to me like the child is either not on a schedule or this job isn't for you. Try to see if you can get him on one and see how that does, or just give up. You can't take this kind of stress, especially if it is like this on your body and mind.

On a personal note, when my kids were about that age, they were hungry and teething. And both together was horrible. Have you checked his gums to see if hes got teeth coming through? Have you tried feeding him until he is fully, not just the whole bottle? (I had big kids and the standard 8 oz didn't do it for my son, he wanted 10-12.)

Answer 5

you list many things that are good in your life, one thing that isnt.... you cannot keep looking after a child you dislike.. it is especially not fair on the child.. the child is obviously unhapppy and distressed and cant do anything about it... you, however can do something about your distress by imediately stop looking after him.. you cant let the situation go on as it is so unfair.. im sure your sister will understand and he is her child, if my child was screaming all day at the childmiders no amount or lack of money would convince me that it is the only option.. you say you would never hurt your kids, but by looking after a distressed child you are hurting your sisters child, it is ultimately her responsibility to ensure her children are happy.. you say your children are happy and beautiful so it is down to her... If you cannot cope you must stop looking after this child today.. there are other options out there, anything, even being poor, sounds better than having depresion over a child you cannot cope looking after.. you need to speak to your sister asap, stop the childmining at least until your frame of mind changes, you cannot lok after a child who you think is a little monster, he is only a baby and its not his fault you cannot cope.. i wish you good luck but do think about this little boy who cannot change his life without your help, you CAN change your own life.. take care

Answer 6

If you are doing this job and it is driving you to distraction then I think you need to give it up and find something else before something happens you regret. You have had the split with your ex and gone straight into another relationship but what you need to do is get your life in some sort of order.
We all know that sometimes we get depressed and say daft things but if you really wanted to do something you could but do not do that your life is worth more than that.
Just think about this job business and how much your life will change if you find something easier. Good luck.

Answer 7

its hard being a mother sometimes let alone looking after other peoples children aswell!
u need to tnink about yourself & ur children first,happy mum happy children they will notice ur sad & will feel sad themselvs,so dont feel bad, just change jobs ur friends & sisters will have to just except that ur not happy & they will find other childcare.
There must be something wrong with the baby to cry all day long. my son was the same as a baby, my mum couldnt stand it & told me all the time theres something wrong-autism,aspergers etc- i wouldnt listen & got upset. but she was right! hes being seen by a pediatrition now,has mild autism, and few other things. so maybe u should mention it to his mother? she might get upset but at least she will be able to cope when hes older if she knows whats wrong.
iv felt the same way, i actually got the tablets &took them for a few days but i hated them made me have gut ache.but in the end i thought im not going to be this way i need to be brave for my children-it was them that were driving me mad though.i excepted there was something wrong with my son, got help & advice & now things are much better.
u just need to be honest with ur friends & family.

Answer 8

Hi, I think that you are being very honest and very brave.
What you must do though, is go to the doctor and tell him how down you are feeling.
You do need to stop now, before a tragedy happens.
You've been through a hard time and didn't take the time to breave. So, you do need some time to yourself.
Take an emergency holiday. Stop it now, or go to your doctor and explain how you feel.
The chances are, that even though you are going through depression, you can probably get paid.
Good luck and look after yourself.

Answer 9

There is no law that says you have to watch this particular child. Tell the parents that you can no longer watch him. Put an ad out so you can get another child to take his place. You are not a crappy childminder but will be if you continue to watch this kid... Good luck.

Answer 10

First of all , you s/b commended for trying to help your sister. However, you need to be straight w/her so she can help remedy whatever is ailing the little tot. He's probably the same way at home and she can't wait to leave him w/you. Given all that you've been thru, I can imagine that you are stressed beyond comprehension. It is amazing what we put ourselves thru. If you had mood swings prior to your separation, then you're still going to be having them no matter what your circumstances. You may need medical help. It is not shameful to be medicated-it may be temporary. Lord knows you've got alot on your plate and may need a little boost to get you over the "hump" of transition from one way of living to the other. Take care and good luck...