Someone I have been friends with since we were in middle school has been cheating on her boyfriend. This girl considers me her best friend... I don't really feel the same way because she hasn't always treated me the best. She has been dating this guy for three years, and because she sort of forces her boyfriends on me, I am pretty good friends with him as well. When they first got together she had cheated on him and I didn't think anything of it. This past spring they got engaged and then called off the engagement over the summer... but they are still "together". She called off the engagement because she is doing other guys. She has told me about it and I want to be the "understanding" friend... however, I feel like if the whole thing blows open not only will she look awful when people find out who she really is... but I am guilty by association. Not trying to be self-absorbed here, but I don't know if I am willing to lose him as a friend either. Thoughts?
2007-10-23 03:15:18 · 12 answers · asked by Robin Sparkles 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I will add this... I have not told him but I indirectly pointed him in the direction of the evidence. In my opinion it is not my place to tell him... it is his choice whether he actually wants to know. I didn't think it was as bad when she talked like she didn't want him in her life... now she says she is sooo in love with him and needs him in her life... but is still doing the other guy thing. I just wish I could step out of the whole thing. When I reread this, it sounds like we are 15... we are 25 years old!!! Doesn't this crap go away at some age?
2007-10-23 03:24:17 · update #1
Thank you everyone for the responses... every response helped me sort out some thoughts! I am not going to tell either one of them anything, just remove myself as much from the situation as possible. Thank you!! Now, go ahead and vote for my best answer... because most of them were equally helpful! Thank you everyone for being kind, caring and mature.
2007-10-23 14:25:19 · update #2
You should have been honest with the guy in the first place. He would never have proposed if he knew that she was slut out banging every guy she meets. Now if you tell him, I can gaurantee that your friendship will be ruined. How could he ever trust either of you after learning that she was cheating and you never told him?
2007-10-23 03:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by gotbeerimez69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always a difficult situation when you know a friend is cheating on his/hers partner.
I would advise that you ask not to be a part of it. You do not want to be the alibi, the grief consultant, or any part of what is not a legitimate(out in the open) relationship.
I doubt you would be looked bad at from others or even be held accountable for your friends actions in something like this, but you may lose the bf's respect.
It is not your place to say something to him, unless he asks, then for the sake of your friend I would be truthful but as vague as possible.
The best thing you cold do during this is to distance yourself away from their friendship for a while and hope that it either comes out or blows over while you are not in the midst of it.
Edit: As for this going away, sadly I'm afraid it doesn't, it gets more complicated as children are born, there are families that have been blended(step families) and years of financial commitments all entwined to the mix.
Encourage your friend to step back and take a look at what she is doing at the cost of the relationship she is currently in. Put her in his shoes for a few moments, maybe she willl call off this relationship and you wil not have to be a part of it.
She sounds selfish and immature, are you sure she is the kind of friend you want or has she just become an acquaintance of yours who has been sharing intimate details of her life.
2007-10-23 03:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet is to communicate with you friend and let her know how you feel about the situation and how she wouldn't like it if her bf was cheating on her. It's better to stay out of the situation b.c no matter what you do you'll be blamed for the bad news.
It sucks that your stuck in the middle but if you did end up telling him she cheated on him and he stays with her after that you'll end up losing two friends.
2007-10-23 03:37:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How could you even think of betraying your best friend's confidence? Not your place to do that! Try to encourage her to find a relationship that she will be happy in and not feel the need to cheat, but don't trash the relationship for her. She's doing a good enough job of that on her own. You are not guilty by association, you didn't do the cheating, you should be respected for listening WITHOUT judgement, but not getting directly involved.
2007-10-23 03:21:43 · answer #4 · answered by ♀Redheaded Sunshine☼ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow, thats a pretty sticky situation. because if you tell the bf that she is cheating, then you will definitly lose your girlfriend for sure. But if you are a really good friend to the guy, then you really should say something. Just know the consequences that will come with it. If you decide NOT to tell him, then if the whole thing blows open people really don't have any right to blame you for not saying anything because its not your place, nor your business. And thats what you should say to them if they come blaming you....
2007-10-23 03:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by nuniestar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him, and you need to tell on her. if she is cheating on her ex-fiancee, than there's a pretty good chance they'll get engaged again if they're still together. and it sounds like the guy seems nice, and he doesnt deserve her, OR YOU, to lie to him and tell him nothings goin on or any crap like that. think how YOU WOULD FEEL if this happened to you, and u found out his friend knew the entire time?
also, i think u need to drop ur friend, shes going to cause you nothing but pain and suffering because of her secrets. im sry if u dont like that answer but she's not going to change her ways, so u have to change urs.
I REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU, AND IF YOU TELL HIM, U AND HIM WILL REMAIN FRIENDS!
2007-10-23 03:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think it's good that you never told him, as she was your friend before he came into the picture it was the right thing to do.... and he would understand that if he knew what friendships are all about......
However....if you have issues as to how your friend conducts herself and treats the "men" in her life......maybe you should rethink her friendship.... if she's laying anything in sight...she's not very trustworthy or reliable..... So I doubt if you could count on her in a time of need.....she's be too busy getting off.....
2007-10-23 03:32:43 · answer #7 · answered by missceekay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said its his choice whether he wants to know or not.....DUH...of course he wants to know if the woman he proposed to is cheating on him....the longer she stays with him and cheats on him the more its gonna hurt him in the end....
would you rather find out that your bf has been cheating on you after being together for 2 months or find out after being together for like 4 years.....
she isn't a very good friend it seems....
2007-10-23 03:30:00 · answer #8 · answered by SaMi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has told him she loves him then she has gave him reason to in-trust her with his heart. There is no greater crime than cheating. If she will lie and steal from him don't turn your back on her or you will get burnt as well. I say spill the beans and let her clean up her own miss. TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-23 03:23:07 · answer #9 · answered by jgyorkiepuppies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is deceitful and untrustworthy and loves herself first. Not a very nice person. I would not trust her she will probably try it on your boyfriend one day. Maybe you have outgrown her and it's time to give her the slow flick.
2007-10-23 03:22:01 · answer #10 · answered by holly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋