Which is worse, a mother who tells you only "wh0res" go to the gynecologist?

Question

or a father who doesn't speak to you when you get pregnant @ 19??

I asked for birth control when I was 17 strictly for the benefits of not having a bad period. I was still a virgin. My mom told me only whores go to the gynecologist so I had no reason to get birth control. I got pregnant 2 years later (and had never gone to a gyno to get birth control because I didn't want them to think I was a "whore", I was also not "allowed" to take sex ed in school) and my father didn't speak to me for 4 months and tried to send me to a baby farm in China.

Do they hold some responsibility for my situation??

This was 7 years ago, I am just wondering.

Answer 1

Yes, you're parents absolutely shoulder some of the responsibility for your current situation. Ideally, you would have taken it upon yourself to go to Planned Parenthood to get the information they kept from you, but, what's done is done.

This, however, is the exact problem that people will continue to have so long as society feels the need to keep information about sex away from developing adults.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're still bitter about the situation. I can understand how hurt you must have been, and those feelings don't fade easily.

While I do not agree with your mother and your father's reaction was tragic, you cannot blame them for your actions. I think you may have been fooling yourself a little if you thought you were getting birth control pills only to regulate your periods. You became sexually active anyway, and your parents didn't force you to do that. Sure, sex education would have given you more technical knowledge, but in our culture very few teenagers are clueless about how a baby is conceived. Be honest with yourself. It would be unfair to your parents for you to cry ignorance on that count.

Now that you're older and can look back, what were your true motives for developing a sexual relationship? (Could it have been to subconsciously spite your parents and somehow show them that you were right?) By the way, is your baby's father still in your life? How did that relationship work out?

Their love for you was not expressed in a way that you could best receive and feel it. Clearly, they didn't want their daughter to become a statistic, to close the door on future opportunities or to malign the family name. I don't know what (if anything) you may have done prior to that time to disappoint them. You eventually did exactly what they were hoping to avoid, and I'm sure that they were very hurt and disappointed. Often people think that what a child does is a reflection of the parents. When you failed to adopt and uphold their standards, you did something that they believe had the potential to ruin your life and you made them look bad in the eyes of others. Whether or not they had a right to be, your behavior hurt and humiliated them and they had difficulty dealing with the situation. To them your behavior probably translated to a lack of love from you because you didn't do as they had asked or expected.

Once you reach a certain level of maturity, you simply have to assume that your parents did the best they could do and just forgive them. Maintain a relationship with your parents and try to treat them with loving kindness despite the fact that you all have disappointed each other. There's no need to assess blame as that will only fuel the fires of bitterness. Let go of the bitterness you currently feel, and move on with your life.

Answer 3

well they did not give you good support it seems and oviously uneducated on the importance of womens health and need to regular visits to obgyn. Birth control is smart to be on no matter how early or young I got on around 14 and it helped my cramping even though i was not having sex at time. I also did not get pregnant before i was ready. But just learn from them and be the parent you want to be, teach your child values and importantce of health and obgyn visits. And unfortanetly you can only hold yourself responsible b/c you im assuming chose to have sex and maybe did not use proper methods like condoms or what not to protect yourself also at age 17 you should have been able to drive yourself to a doc and all, and do it yourself or go to someone to advise you that would talk about it, but your parents did put you in a bad spot so its hard to really say for sure

Answer 4

Not to be rude, but your parents have no right to say or do anything like that. It's normal for a woman to see a gynocologist, even when she's a virgin. Women have several problems with periods and do take birth control for it, and at some point in ther lives most women get pregnant.
Sex Ed could have prevented you from getting pregnant because you could have known more, and had you taken Sex Ed you could have known how to better protrct yourself sexually.
And if you were still a virgin at 17, KUDOS TO YOU! I don't know about your parents for one, but that makes me proud of you... sex is a trap most girls fall into at the ages of 12-13 these days.
So yeah i'd hold them VERY responsible.

Answer 5

No, I don't think they have any responsibility for your situation. When you turned 18, you became an adult. There are countless resources available to protect yourself against pregnancy...the cheapest being condoms, which you could have bought yourself. And as far as the gynecologist goes, you could have visited Planned Parenthood or your local public health for a reduced fee visit to get yourself on birth control.

Although I don't agree with your parents and their philosophies, it's also not their fault you got pregnant at 19.

Answer 6

No.

You had sex two years later, which makes you two years more than 17 years old. Which means you were an ADULT at the time.

You should have taken responsibility for yourself when you turned 18 and got on birth control pills and made sure the guy used a condom.

Your parents are NOT to blame.

Answer 7

Parents can be such idiots. I have a 14yr old a 2 yr old and a 1 year ol. I've had very open, non threatening conversationjs w/ my teenager about sex and responsibility...no judgement, no accusations, more the reasons to wait and safe sex. My wonderful husband is froma 16year old mother. She got nearly the same business from her parents. I feel if parents don't provide honest, open information, then their children are at risk for all kinds of things including pregnancy. Your parents probably wanted to ship you out because you were a constant reminder of how THEY failed you! (by 19 however, you should've been figuring a few things out for your self.)

Answer 8

There are a lot of religious people who have been taught that sex is bad, I for one think it is Great and I have discussed it with my daughter. All went well with her and she is almost 50 and normal. You were taught by misinformed parents who meant well but were really ignorant in this subject. Don't make the same mistake with your children. LOL

Answer 9

Yes its your parents fault for not taking care of you and advicing you of the dos and donts and the consequences you will have to face and the problems of bearing a child when you are still a child your self. It is the fault of the adults.Sex education in schools is very important for all teen age children. Sex is two minutes of pleasure and a life time of pain.

Answer 10

yes they hold alot of responsibility for this and its not whores goes to gynecoligist its women that cares about their bodys and wont to be informed of their bodys youre parents should be ashamed of doing this to you ! whores dont worry about their bodys only women who cares about them selves do ! i hope you inform youre child about doctors and tell them its ok to come to you if they need to go to a doctor for any reason exspecially if you have a daughter if she needs birth control pills or what ever its normal for young girls to get pap smears and its nothing wrong with getting it and getting birth control pills thats avoiding what could happen and it can help with periods i bet they feel like crap now for not talking to you or taking you to the doctor and getting you help good luck and go on with youre life and be happy and inform youre children right not the wrong way good luck