My husband has alot of Female friends, But he slept with them before me. Should I not let them be friends?

Question

I dont Have guys friends, I work and take care of our daughter. He's the one that goes to the bars and parties . I feel that its not right to hang out with females you had sexual past with.

Let me say this again, I'm 21 I gave up my friends for my family. My daughter is 2 my family lives in germany and im in Fl so i really have no one here. My husband has alot of friends and goes out alot. he hangs out with alot of females and males but it makes me upset and hurts that he doesnt repect me enough to understand those women he had a sexual past with disrepect me . its not like i am his "mother" and pick and choose his friends I just put it like that so you could answer it. But to understand alittle more. I am a beautiful girl he always quiz me about who am i talking to or whos flirting with me. I am home every night i havent been out drinking in two years. I can get baby sittiers but his mother is a druggie so i can't even trust her.

Answer 1

No! Your husband would not let you be friends with ex-lovers...so he should follow his own rules and let the exes go!!! If he can't understand how you feel then it might be fun or funny to throw a big party and invite his and your exes so they can all chat on the subject. May you and your husband will be able to take notes on who had the hottest exes and who...well you see where this is going. Just let him read all these answers and he will see how silly he is!

Answer 2

I am against a married man having female friends that he has had a sexual past with...... especially if he continues to party and drink with them. Once they have been that close they would be comfortable to get that close again.....and drinking with them would lower their resistance for that to easily happen.Your husband should care about you enough to know better and not put this stress in your marriage. His behavior about this would make me feel very hurt and upset with him. I would sit him down and tell him you are uncomfortable with this and you need for him to stop. If he doesn't you may have to give him an ultimatum between you and his family and do something drastic to let him know you've had enough.

Answer 3

I have to say that I don't think it's wise for a married man to hang out with female friends. Not only does it bring about certain temptations, but when a man sits up in a bar and spends his money on other women (which your husband most certainly does), he is taking money away from his own family. That bothers me even more, and it should bother you as well.

Answer 4

well the answer depends on how you feel about the situation.

everyone's marriage won't be the same some women are ok with it because they say they are very trusting and secure about their relationship. Other women will tell you that they aren't ok with it because somewhere down the line it can stir old feelings.

personally my husband and I don't remain friends with people we've slept with it's something that doesn't make either one of us comfortable and so far it works for us.

we don't feel like we're missing out on anything as far as those relationships go. We do have friends of the opposite sex but they are all couples with children which we hang out with and do things as families.

so really goes down to how you both feel about it.

Answer 5

Sometimes people do keep "old friends" -- and i don't see a problem with a couple of friends, but a LOT of them?

You can't tell your husband what he's "allowed" to do. You are not his mom... you could ask him to talk and tell him "I feel uncomfortable about your female friends" if you want.

Otherwise, there is not much you can do, i guess? I'm sure he had these "friends" before you said "I DO".... there must be some sort of problem now that you're married?

Sometimes we don't properly observe the person we are going to marry before we get married. And it leads to problems.

Answer 6

You should be less concerned about the girlfriends and more concerned that he's still going to parties and bars without you.

Married people can have friends and an occasional night out with friends.....but when it threatens the marriage then it's wrong.

It sounds like your husband needs to grow up.

Answer 7

I have alot of male friends and yes, most of them are people i've dated before (and slept with). We are JUST friends, nothing more. I don't get why this is such an issue with couples. If you trust each other then what is the big deal? My husband has no issue with any of my male friends.

Don't make problems where there aren't any, marriage is hard enough.

Answer 8

If either person in a relationship feels there is a problem, then a problem exist. If both want to stay in the relationship, then one person should be willing to solve the problem the other person has.

Only you can answer this, as every person has different feelings about this subject.

If you think his friendships with ex girlfriends are a problem, then it is a problem for both of you and he should be willing to solve that problem so both of you are happy.

Answer 9

This is a tricky situation. do you have any reason to not trust your husband? Are these women also in committed relationships. Do they include you in their 'cirlce' or are excluded? Will your husband take their calls in front of you, or does he hide when the phone rings? Is your marriage secure and stable, is your sex life healthy? In other words, can you think of ANY reason that your husband would stray with an old flame?

I would just monitor it, and if anything suspicios comes up or anything you are absolutely not comfortable with comes up, you owe it to yourself and your marriage to bring it to the attention of your husband ASAP. And not in a bitching way. Or defensive way. Stay calm and rational when discussing anything like this with your husband or you will automatically make him clam up and resist the conversation you want to have with him, which, in a worst case scenario, could push him to one of these women.

But if your marriage is great, and you have no reason not to trust him, then just go with the flow. Make yourself known. If he invites you to hang, then GO with him. If he doesnt invite you to hang, then invite yourself. His reaction to you inviting yourself will be your biggest clue if you have something to worry about or not.

Answer 10

Get proof so when the divorce happens, you can take him for all he will ever make. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a PI. Get photos, videos, transcripts of the IM's texts, whatever. If you are going to leave him, make sure you get enough to make up for what he should have given you. Oh, and it is likely going to badly hurt your daughter. Little girls grow up to look for men with the personality of their fathers - so you need to teach her why not to .. cause he isn't faithful, and wants to make babies with someone else, and give you somebody else's diseases. Why is your husband the only man she is "trolling" for? If she is needy, she will ... shop herself around trying to get those needs met.