I still think my husband is gay?

Question

I have been married for 1 1/2 years now. Since then I was browsing on the internet and he had recieved mail so I opened it and it was a guy laying across the bed (hotel) with boxers on. I asked him about it he said it was junk mail anyone could have sent that. I am smarter than that so I wrote the senders name down on paper. Then we went shopping at Ross a coulpe of weeks later and saw two gay guys walking towards us holding hands my husband mumbled under his breath, " I hope they do not see me". I questioned him he said what man wants gay men looking at them? I said," what man says it out loud and who would care if they were just walking by. Then we went to a party his job had and a co-worker came up to him and said what's up man whose this your sister? My husband said no my wife he said ah man I thouhgt you were gay the rumor is you are gay. This guy said it all night and he was drunk. What dose a drunk man do when he is drunk? And his bestfriend is gay!he denies it all what to do?

Answer 1

It's possible that he is gay. It's also possible that he is gay but isn't entirely comfortable with the notion yet himself. It's also possible that you are just paranoid. If a single e-mail with a picture of a man in boxers attached is enough to start you believing that your husband is gay, you may well be looking for a way out of this marriage, possibly for unrelated reasons. Just so you know, it is totally possible for a person to get explicit junk mail that they have no interest in; I get plenty of offers to enlarge anatomy that I don't have. Sit down and discuss this with your husband like adults. Let him speak freely and be honest about your own feelings as well. You might not get the answers you want, but it's better for everyone in the long run if you are honest with each other.

Answer 2

I'm not sure how often you guys are intimate but next time you are do a little experimenting.

Start fiddeling around with the ol' love button.

I myself and not gay in the least bit but I enjoy a pinky finger in the butthole right before I unleash all over my girls face and I enjoy the occassional rim job (I acutally really like those).

But, if you guy is gay try to ram a couple of fingers up there to see his reaction. If he yells at you or tries to punch you in the face then you know at least he's not a catcher.

Not to sure how you would be able to tell if he pitcher? Maybe start hinting around that you would like to experiment with another guy and see how he would react.... Read his body language when he responds and even pay attention after the issue has been addressed to see if you can catch him day dreaming or in deep thought about something.

It's worth a shot....

Answer 3

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you may have something to be concerned about. He might be bisexual though. If he's already denying it then it is obvious that he is not ready to come out with this life changing news. How do you feel in your heart? Do you think you should stay with your husband or do you think that you should leave until he is able to come out with the truth? I suggest you two go to some sort of couples counseling. My best friend was engaged to and had a child with a guy that turned out to be gay. She walked in on the two men together. I think you should try to find out what is going on before this same thing happens to you. It emotionally scarred my friend for life.

Answer 4

These really aren't very good signs. The guy at work could be a jerk. You can't really trust him. The men at the mall could just make your husband nervous. IT is a little odd that he would say anything. As for the email, if you opened it before he did, you can't really blame him for the content. If he opened it and didn't delete it, then you found it, you should ask him why he was keeping it.

Answer 5

WOW hun you have a predicament...Did you ever write the sender back? Maybe that would give you an answer...Have you ever asked your husband straight out? If not maybe you should even if you are scared to it may just put your mind at ease. And drunk people have a tendancy to be more truthfull when they are drunk have you ever thought of talking to that co worker again??
I would truely reccomend u just come right out and discuss it with your husband..

Answer 6

If you want to be asking "was my ex-husband gay" then keep piercing his heart, and abusing his pride and honor with it.

Everybody has a past. Maybe that was part of his past, maybe not.
- everybody with an email address gets pornographic spam. Its plausible that the email was spam.
- sometimes people get undeserved reputations. Think of Chandler Bing, and how some feature of his background had thousands of people thinking he was gay. He wasn't.

Right now you are his present, and have a huge influence over his future. Are you going to make the most of it or throw it away?
- the people who love you become the person that you make room for them to be in your life. You have power there to make room for your husband to be wonderful, or tragic. Dont stare into your fear so deeply that your husband is transformed into its image.

You should watch "Chasing Amy". It might be a powerful and relevant answer to your question.

Answer 7

I think you should wait until you have some solid proof before doing anything harsh, he may just be homophobic, and he may be homosexual.
But, if you continue to snoop around his things, you should prepare yourself to find the answer you are looking for.

My gut tells me that although you think he's gay, you are still denying it yourself, and until you can come to the realization that this man you married is gay, you aren't going to handle the news really well once your suspicions are confirmed.

Answer 8

The email very well could've been junk. But normally emails like that are generated through spyware from sites he's been visiting.
He's probably very confused. You should talk directly to him and demand honesty. If you can't be honest with your wife/ husband then you need not be married.

Answer 9

If it were only one of these incidents you've described, I'd call it nothing. But there are too many. Where there's smoke, there's fire. Here's the thing. My boyfriend is extremely sensitive. He's also very silly. He was raised by his mother. He's sort of flamboyant. His mother knew gay men as her friends as he grew up. BUT, he has pics of lingerie models on his PSP, some porn, likes when I wear lingerie, dates me and has dated only women, has been married and has children, likes "guy" things only like football and movies and sports and looking at the ladies, is comfortable to be kind to gay people but wouldn't act nervous or put off by them. Gay men have hit on him. There have never been rumors that he is gay or bisexual. He is not gay. Thay said, there is a giant difference between being sensitive and actually being gay. Here's what's going on with your husband:
1) He has mild bisexual interest. Curiosity, at best. If he's going to the trouble to lie to you about it, he isn't looking to lose you or change his lifestyle or anything else.
2) The photo on the net is most likely from a male to male site. It could be someone who offers satisfaction of curiosity for a fee or someone looking for a personal "hook-up."
3) Your husband probably gives off a mild gay vibe, but I don't think this is why the guy at the party made the comment he made. He was drunk and being a jerk. Men do this sort of ribbing occasionally. Your husband probably has given or dropped a "gay clue" to coworkers. By this, I mean has received email from a personal website on company email and has been asked not to receive this sort of thing at the office. (Companies filter email.) He may not often speak of the fact he is married. He may have done a number of subtle things that would cause this.
4) The gay men at Ross: He may have a friendship with one or both of them. Perhaps he met them in a questionable manner. Or he may not know them at all. By his mentioning this in the first place says, "I have some bisexual curiosity. I'm not at all ready to admit this. I'm going to test the waters by dropping tiny hints. Such as the one in which I act as though the 2 gay males might know me."
He isn't going to admit anything until he's ready, if at all. Married men in this situation seldom do. It could also be you are letting your cesspool of a subconscious rule your brain; it could be nothing. I've been guilty of overthinking things, myself. But I don't think this is the case. Try to talk to him gently in a non-threatening way. He may get very defensive. If this doesn't work, counseling may be in order.
One more thing: This is NOT what I would do but you could do this: Install a history recording software on your computer without his knowing. You also can install IMSafer which records all IMs. Works with all services. You could also set up an account of your own on sites such as Adultfriendfinder and Craigslist. Put in your profile that you're looking for a discreet hook-up with possibly a married man. It's going to be work and creativity on your part. But it's easy to "trap" him this way so you can then deal with the truth and begin the healing process. I'm not advocating your trapping him; marriage is supposed to be based on communication and trust. However, sometimes you need a little damage control. For your own safety. I wish you the very best.

Answer 10

well im being honest... it does seem awfully strange... and all this cant just be a big fat coincidence really can it???
i would probably approach him and just say something like 'it just seems like it would make sense to me if you told me you are gay and although it would break my heart i'll respect you for being honest with me than me finding out any other way'...its not fair on any of us if your living a lie, especially if you have children also.
if you dont mind me asking.. has your sex life together changed at all? not as frequent or meaningful? because thats something you need to consider too.
maybe you should think about his hobbies and if he goes to any clubs for them for example squash or something? is he really going there?
what does he do with all of his time?
it COULD just be a big coincidence but lets face it, its not likely is it?
my cousin has been cheating on his gf with 4 other girls, its all come out now but she still to this day dosnt know when he could have possibly fitted ANY other girl in with his relationship. maybe its a work thing?
i really hope you sort this out!