I met my then boyfriend when I was 19 years old and a virgin. We slept together before we got married, but were faithful to each other to the present day, which is 17 years later. I find now, at 35, that I'm having this crisis about wanting to sleep with every good looking man I come across because I'm so curious about what it would be like. I kick myself for not sowing my oats way back then, but I had no self-esteem and picked the first man that showed any interest (not that I don't love my husband and have more than a decent marriage.) Please help.
2007-10-23 02:31:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you have a husband who's been good to you for 17 years, you are most fortunate. Don't let your imagination mess things up for you. You might have picked the first man that showed you any interest, but he was obviously the right man for you; because he's still there and you're still in love with him. If it makes you feel any better, most women fantasize like this--whether they're married or not. The idea of sleeping with Mr. Good-Looking has its appeal; but it's not reality. Sowing your wild oats might have been fun as well, but it also might have netted you a host of problems that you've been fortunate enough to avoid. Where most young men leave a trail of broken hearts, your husband made good on his promise to love and cherish you.
Be thankful that you found one another at such a young age. It doesn't usually happen that way. If you want to spice up your love life a bit, go ahead. Plan a trip together, or find a secret hide-away. Light some candles, open the wine, and share a romantic evening. But don't sacrifice a good marriage, for a few stolen hours. It's not worth the risk. The grass is greener where you are, girlfriend, not on the other side. Best wishes!
2007-10-23 03:38:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know yourself better than anyone else and I'm guessing you have somewhat already made up your mind whether or not you are going to go through with this "experiment". Sure, it's incredibly risky, but the 'not knowing' part is enough to sometimes drive you crazy. Am I right so far ? The imagination can only go so far in bed and I'm willing to bet is mostly unsatisfying. Some are saying above that it's soooo not worth it, but then again it could be that they just had a bad experience. On the flipside, what if you completely satisfied your curiosity ? You could discover either it was the worst decision ever...or maybe, you could find out that it was something you'll never regret.
"Sex is over rated" some are saying ? Please. Sure glad I'm not with those people. Lol. Well, if you choose to satisfy your curiousity(the naughty path), please be extremely careful. If not(the nice path), then thank your morals ten-fold.
2007-10-23 03:38:03 · answer #2 · answered by Lexington 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married doesn't mean you are blind, or unaware of other guys. We are humans, not saints. It's perfectly normal to fantasize about others. Heck, even in a restaurant, seeing the meal another person orders often makes us wish we could have just a bite of their meal. But, we don't just lean over to another table and grab a forkful of a stranger's dinner. You are just restless, and noticing that the grass on the other side of the fence looks really green. But you're an adult, and know deep down that it's no better than the grass in your own lawn. 35 is an age where you DO think about all the "ifs". It's a dangerous time for everybody, men AND women. But, as long as you remember to think, rather than just respond to all the "ifs" you'll be fine.
2007-10-23 03:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation. I met my husband at 19 married at 21 although I had acouple of boys before my husband. A decade later I am kind of curious about what else is out there. I just talked to my man about it. He was surprisingly understanding, I guess since he really "lived" before we met he knew what it was like. Now we have tried some different things and really livened things up in the bedroom.....Needless to say I don't really care what else is out there. Communication is the key. If you talk to him he may surprise you. Don't throw away all those years together just because of curiosity, go have some fun together. There is a compromise.
2007-10-23 02:49:06 · answer #4 · answered by just me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The key here is communication. Tactful, open, honest communication.
These feelings are normal. You are now in your mid-30s and are reaching your sexual peak. It's natural for you to be attracted to other men, particularly having been with the same man for so long. It is also equally natural for your husband to be attracted to other women. So you have to come to grips with that too.
So, what's to be done about this? You'll need to somehow broach the subject with him. Somehow you'll want to talk through this fantasy. It may be that you never follow through on it. But you have to talk it out.
You can bring in movies into the mix - and then talk about what you like about the actors and actresses. You can do roleplaying so it feels like someone else, or use toys. You can also agree to allow each other to dabble outside the marriage... however, that is DANGEROUS.... one or the other of you could like what you find a bit too much... and jealousy can ensue.....
But talk through it. Maybe just being free to fantasize, and free to laugh with each other about other people and talk about doing this person or that person, can let some of the steam out.
2007-10-23 02:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been with my husband since i was 17 (26 now) he's the only person ive ever slept with.
i do have my moments where i wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone else, but then i think of how good i have it, and what i would be ruining if i did that. i htink everyone at some point wonder's what if?
we have been married for 1 1/2 years and expectingo ur first baby in 3 weeks! i wouldnt change that for anything!!!
2007-10-23 02:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am 25 been with my husband 10 years, married for 2. we are eachothers firsts. my husband is my everything, i grew up with him and love him with all my heart,. . but i do think of other men and when a hot one shows me some attention i catch myself flirting and so on. right before we got married i did think about cheating, just to get it out of my system, but didnt. i go out with friends a lot, and sometimes at a club dancing with someone else, it can get pretty heated. i know how easy it is to fall into temptation... and then there is this guy at work, he is in my face every day tempting me more and more, but i resist... well after all that resisting i found out my husband was going through the same thing and he did actually cheat on me before we got married, he had an affair that lasted months i guess. he denies but the woman told me. it tore me apart, i never knew i could be so hurt. he begged me not to leave, told me he didnt do it and blah blah blah, but it totally changed our relationship and that pureness it used to have is gone... i decided to stay because i remembered what i was going through and how the same thoughts were in my head, i rationalized what he did by comparing it to my same feelings.... dont do it, it will destroy the relationship you have now, either by guilt or discovery. not to mention you could catch feelings for someone else. it is a very slippery slope once you start flirting, its hard to stop.i have crossed the line a few times and made out even, never sex though... and that was guilt enough for me, just keep it as fantasies. plus once you actually do it the excitement will be gone, the new dude will show his flaws and your fantasy will become a reality that you regret..
2007-10-23 04:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by kisses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this doesn't help... But, you're not missing much. When you think about it... How many STD's are out there, then there is the oops pregnancy and the drama involved. Be glad that you don't have bad memories of what someone else was like. I've had good experiences and very bad ones and to this day, my husband is the best. He seems to get better each time too... which I didn't know could happen!
2007-10-23 02:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When I was 19, I had a boyfriend of two years. Once he started talking about marriage, I bailed. I knew EVEN then that I didn't want him to be the only person I ever knew. I knew I had to experience life. With that said, I know how you feel, but you are going to have to resist. If you cheat, it's over. Your choice is to either stick it out or leave him. You leave, I have a feeling this is something you will regret because the grass is NOT always greener on the other side.
2007-10-23 02:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by CC 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Holly I am in the same boat, EXACT same. I 2 , feel that way but after some soul searching I was able to spice things up at home . I know that the anonymous guy sounds SO tempting but just use your imagination , close your eyes and wala he is whomever you can think of. I also tell myself that it would be a huge let down anyways so hang in there
2007-10-23 02:50:40 · answer #10 · answered by **RUBY*** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋