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Poems are fresh
Like falling rain
That falls in the sewer
So it’s not really fresh
But poems are like that.
Poems make people happy
And they can even smile
So that makes it all
Worth –
While I was sitting at home
On a cold, hot day
I saw a bird flying
Around
But it actually looked more like a bat
So I saw a bat flying around
Around
Outside on a cold, hot day
Poems make me feel special-feeling
Like a child at the Special Olympics
But that’s really a bad thing to say
Just like pizza is bad
For your heart
Flowers are like poetry
In that they are flowery
And flower-full
And flower-some
And they make me want to buy some Armani
Clothes
And close the poem
Just – kidding
Poems are like the circus
That are clowny
But they’re not really clowny
But poems are like that.
2007-10-23 02:28:39 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
You don't want to hear this.
Did you ever hear "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey (SNL?)
He'd start saying something deep and then burst his own bubble by ending it in a ridiculous way, to get a laugh.
The first stanza of this poem does just that. The reader feels invited in to explore something deep and then bam! it's in the sewer; you're welcome! Ridiculously put, even if one can argue that there are grains of truth in it.
Why doesn't the second stanza conclude?
Oxymorons can be effective sometimes, but there's no rule that says they always are. I'm not getting the cold hot day. And I'm sorry but the 3rd and 4th stanzas, if they can be said to express something, are maudlin. I feel for the writer the way I feel for a handicapped Special Olympian. I say this about few poems, but I'll say it if it's warranted.
Never put "just kidding" into a poem unless you're okay with a reader totally dispensing with what you just said - in that case, don't bother saying it in the first place. There's no conviction here. Everything said in this poem is contradicted. That isn't the way to explore contradictions, any more than a poem that is a huge mistake is a way to explore the pain of making mistakes.
I love poems, but they never make me want to buy Armani. Poems will only be "like that" if we allow them to slide very far downhill. Sorry, but try again. None of us are born able.
2007-10-23 04:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My honest opinion is your poem is best in the first strophe.
Poems are fresh
Like falling rain
That falls in the sewer
So it’s not really fresh
But poems are like that.
That is really good. You could stop there, and it would be excellent. If you are going to have the other stanzas you may want to follow the pattern of the first.
Poems are playful
Like a puppy
Who gets run over in traffic
So not too playful
But poems are like that
Not that you need to follow the format that closely, but it would be interesting to do more strophes like the first one.
2007-10-23 12:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by Todd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha! Not what i was expecting! I love it! It put a smile and a giggle across my face.If its possible to have a giggle on your face.Well i guess it must be as i just did!
But yeah,i like it! Keep scribbling away sir! =D
Oh and a 10/10! A* for you!
2007-10-23 12:15:07 · answer #3 · answered by Kαtydid ★ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very incitful young man! And thoughtful. I'd give you 9 out of 10 for that effort - well done :)
2007-10-23 09:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by Miccii 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nice
2007-10-23 09:32:52 · answer #5 · answered by Cathy J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's cute, i give it about a 5.5
good job.,
2007-10-23 09:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by HEARTBOUND♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋