husband says im going to hell....?

Question

im very upset. just had a big fight with the husband. when we met things were fine. until he got "saved".
now things are just getting worse n worse cause i dont believe exactly the same as him.
well the problem right now is with halloween. i see this as a harmless holiday for kids to get free candy. and yes i know the true history of it not the distorted one some religions try to give.
well he forbid me to take the kids out trick or treating saying that they were his kids and that what i was doing meant im going to hell and he wont have his kids follow me there!!
i was livid.
he basically told me i had to believe the same as him or he didnt know what he was gonna do. i told him if he cant respect my beliefs like i respect his that there was only one other option which was to separate. i have respected him. even going to church as a family on sundays with him but i guess this is not appreciated. im very hurt and angry about this. what should i do?

i believe in God, and living a moral life.
i do not believe in organized religion. i dont necessarily believe all the bible since the bible is a good book, but was written by men.

his religion is evangilical.

also i was raised by very strict pentecostal
so i kinda grew up hating church.

Answer 1

I am kind of religious and have kids too. I am going to take my kids trick or treating. I don't care about where Halloween came from, it's just something fun for the kids to do once a year. Tell your husband that God saves children. There is something called the age of accountability. Tell him to look it up. Also tell him that you aren't celebrating anything you are just having fun w/ your kids. It's like attending birthday parties it's not something you have to do but it's fun for you and your kids.

Answer 2

Oh dear, what a sticky situation! I completly sympataize with you, he's not the man you marry anymore.
I completly agree with you, I do not believe in organized religion, but live a morally strict, law abiding life.

I'm sorry about your situation. You have done very good by compromising certaing things and even going to church as a family. He should appretiate your effort and respect your beliefs, you are absolutley right! However, since he has been "brainwashed", this could be the deal breaker. He will try to "save you" and in his head, he's trying to "help you", so what he is doing is out of love accordingly to his beliefs.

Fanatism in religion is a very dangerous and destructive borderline psycotic behavior. I've seen people throwing away their "wordly" possesions (DVD, Cd's etc.), stop normal marital bedroom behavior altogether and skip harmless holidays becaiuse they are "the decil", some people will stop dancing because is the "possesion of the evil spirits", perform exorsism on you and your friends etc. this is completly irrational and extreme. I'm truly sorry.

My advice is for you to go to the church "fall" festival instead, they will get free candy there too. At school they can have the halloween party as well and he won't even know it.

I can only sympatize with you, I hope that you guys can work things out.

Best of luck

Answer 3

You have asked a really good question; one that I imagine causes serious troubles in many marriages. I am not surprised that you grew up 'hating' church; Pentecostals certainly do..."get the spirit." You cannot expect your husband will soon change. I've seen many people become born again Christians and it seems to flat out take over their lives and dictate every action they take. His beliefs are very important to him. I know a Jehovah's Witness who won't celebrate any holidays whatsoever. Being that this is church and not infidelity, perhaps you could suggest marriage counseling. I understand this has a profound impact on your lives. I think (personally) that I'd much rather have a husband who was a church nut than one who cheated like a fiend. This is also something the kids will have to deal with. They may benefit from counseling, as well. But count your blessings--(no pun intended!?)--You at least have a religious husband, not an alcoholic or worse. Although dealing with his beliefs may at this time FEEL just as profound, it's considerably better than the possible alternative. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I feel sorry for you and the children. He is making your family suffer because he decided to follow a religion or belief, that you do not necessarily agree with and force his views on you. And he's threatening you with "you're going to hell if you don't follow my way" statements. This tells you something about how intolerant, forceful and cult-like his religion is? Why shouldn't the kids go out on Halloween if you say so? It's a fun event for a child. Don't rob it from their childhood. Why should they go to church if you don't want to? Be firm on this. Put your foot down and say "This is the way it's going to be". Let your husband follow his cult, but he should do it alone. I've known families where the husband was a Jehovah Witness and the wife was a Roman Catholic. They learned to get along despite the major differences in their beliefs.

Answer 5

Well, if he has that big of a problem with it, respect that. I know what that is saying, but do you want to divorce over it? Look at the bigger picture! Besides, there are probably a million things going on that night. Try looking into what is going on at the church. They usually have a "November's Eve" carnival or something that the kids would have a blast at. Granted its not trick or treating, but do you really want them on that sugar any way?? lol

All I can say is if you truly respect him as you state, and he feels this strongly, try to come to a middle ground. Maybe going to the church thing for a bit and then handing out candy? That way you get the best of both worlds?

Answer 6

Tell him he should be praying for you not condemning you. He is saved and that is great but, he can't shove it down your throat. He should be setting an example..As for trick or treating.I let my son go. I am a Christan and yes I know what the Holiday is also. I also pass out candy to the kids. Like I said to my husband at least I know I am giving out good, safe candy to the kids who come. We have also just stayed home with our son and watched movies and make up popcorn balls and just had a family night where we handed out no candy and he didn't go trick or treating and he was fine with that. There are also churches that have harvest party's for the kids.
There is other things to do besides trick or treating.

Answer 7

in the bible it says , do not force your beliefs on your spouse, and spouse do not force your beliefs on the other. it also say that if one has enough faith for the both then that to will be okay until the one lacking comes around.in other words yes i understand that this your belief but in the past we took the kids trick or treating as harmless fun. when did we ever go out in the back yard and pray to a pagan god and set a fire to sacrifice anything or anyone. explain to him that this is for the children. not him. and tell him that children are the innocent until they become old enough to really understand right from wrong.

Answer 8

He has stepped off into the deep end of the pool a bit. True, he seems to be a little close-minded. But, they are his kids also. And, not allowing your kids to participate in Halloween is not abuse. It is a marital disagreement at this point. Calmly sit down and reach a compromise on this issue. I know you already have compromised by going to church with him. Maybe the church has a fall festival ( a lot of them do). Try not to let this destroy your marriage. Choose your battles. good-luck. ( I agree with you though, Halloween is fun ). :)

Answer 9

You are not going to find help for your marraige with a problem such as this by getting advice from other Bible bashers. I would suggest giving it some time and working it out directly with him. He sounds a little misguided. Of course you are not going to hell for wanting your children to go trick-or-treating. Most Christians don't trick or treat due to the priciple of the history. Is there an alternative at the church you attend where candy is given? I suggest you seek out the truth about Jesus for yourself and try to forgive the misinterpretations of the radicals you've encountered. Maybe you can enlighten your husband, and you all will be connected once again. God bless.

Answer 10

oh dear oh dear. it is hard to be around a born-again because they are at their most over-zealous.

but in a nutshell this is just a differing parenting issue, like one parent saying they're allowed sugar, chill out, and the other parent saying sugar is bad, yadda yadda yadda.

in the end probably your best bet is compromise. is the goal to win this point, or to come to a good place with your husband.

now on halloween night you could either a) let your kids have a sleepover with another family and leave it up to them what they do (take your kids trick or treating, and you stay out of the loop!)

or you could just give your kids the candy, and say, sorry kids, i'm with you, but this is important to your father, he will explain it for you - and tell them you'll make it up to them another time. no, scratch that - because, in fact, you don't want to make it 'good cop, bad cop' (one parent openly against the other in front of the kids) so maybe you gotta think -

is letting the kids dress in costume for one night and have candy that important in the scheme of your marriage?
or could you let him have this one?

yes - you want to be appreciated, respected for your beliefs just as he does. so maybe you need to have a chat about the future and how these decisions can be made so that there is harmony and respect between you.

i bet the kids are struggling with this new 'evangelist' in the family as much as you are.

i think you just gotta have the conversation about it until you can figure out how to make it work. remember the GOAL with any conversation and keep coming back to the goal if you get off track, make the goal together i.e. how we can make this work in a marriage and family with two people with slightly or greatly differing beliefs.

both of you want the opportunity to be 'right' and there are a great many ways you can be, so try to focus on those not the conflicts. if possible. and good luck!