She is very mature and seems to be regressing since my husband and I have separated. In having to work outside of the home, I have asked her to help out with laundry, vacuuming and just overall helping with odds and ends that may take her a total of an hours time. I find I cannot count on her; she tells me she will do things and doesn't. I have restricted her priveliges from TV and computer, that she loves. Now, she is being very disrespectul in the way she talks to me.
How can I get her to be more responsible, respectful and reliable? I have already offered to pay her but even that isn't working out.
2007-10-23 02:15:14 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't consider my unreasonable here for expecting a ten year old to help out around the house since she does live there too. I had these responsibilites at this age and it taught me a lot of responsibility. It is not asking too much to teach responsibility.
2007-10-23 02:23:51 · update #1
Listen, I have a 10 yr old & a 6 yr old...recently divorced, I'm 34. I do not give my 10 yr old girl responsibilities like that. My philosophy is school comes 1st, she is though an "A" student. I totally understand how hard it is cuz I myself don't get any outside help in my duties at home yet I'm not pushing my responsibilities to her. Also, I was taught to cook at 10...yet I feel that my daughter is not ready yet even though she is extremely mature & responsible. The lil duties I give her are: clean up her own room, when I'm doing my laundry she can go & pick it up for me (downstairs in the same bldg) but I don't expect her to actually "do" our laundry. She can fold her own clothes & put them away. She can help me with the dog...walking & cleaning after him cuz that's mainly her dog. She helps me here & there with my son, maybe tyeing his shoes & such...maybe reading to him if she's available. You see...lil duties so be careful because you think you are helping her by giving her such duties & honestly, the way you're describing her behaviour it doesn't seem you're helping it seems you are damaging her & the relationship between both of you....& that should be your main concern!
2007-10-23 02:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by gmg2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's still a child and is hurting because of the separation. Yes, you need help around the house and yes, she is old enough to help out. Consider getting some counseling for both of you - I'm sure she has questions she's afraid to ask, and you both need outside help in working through the frustrations you're both feeling. Look, try getting a cleaning service in once a week if you can afford it. If not, see if there is a neighborhood teen who can use the money and who will come in once a week to do those things for you. It gets the job done, you're daughter won't feel dumped on, and some teen can use the money. This isn't a matter of a lack of respect on the part of your daughter - she's hurting and confused right now.
2007-10-23 02:27:51 · answer #2 · answered by Lady G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think when a child is ten years old laundry and vacuuming is to much. I would ask her to be responsible for her room and picking up after herself, but that is it. Something is wrong it sounds like. Divorce or separations are DEVASTATING to children. She really needs you to comfort her right now, and no matter what, you can't talk bad about the other parent in front of her, even when you think she is not listening. Maybe you can get her into some counseling, it could only help. Good luck!!
2007-10-23 02:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by cbsncmom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have an 11 year old daughter, and your 10 year old is completely normal, well, except for the backtalk. You do need to keep in mind that she is ten though and if you want her to help with anything you may have to tell her about 100 times. If I ask my daughter to throw a load of laundry in, I make sure its sorted and then keep her on the phone till its done.
Go easy on her and let her know that both of you still love her but at the same time still make sure she knows that as she gets older she will have some responsibilities at home.
2007-10-23 02:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Molly 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She may feel resentful against the 2 of you for separating. Maybe she sees you as putting yourself and the condition of the home before her ( her needs, emotions, etc.). I dont know if she did these things before the separation or not. But if these are new demands on her, she is surely seeing them as just another kick in the head so to speak. And, this sounds harsh and I dont know the reason for the separation but as a child of a divorced home I can say that if she doesnt see her parents as responsible, reliable etc, SHE herself will see no need to be stepping up to the plate either. Bottom line, ease up on the kid. Talk less, listen more. She is your daughter, not your maid. She is 10.
2007-10-23 03:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by undone 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keeping a dog takes a lot of time and patience it also costs money just the routine vet bills are expensive if your dog becomes sick you could end up spending thousands The dog would be your responsibility, the dog will need care for many years your daughter may become fed up with the dog after a short time If you leave a dog in the house alone it will probably develop separation anxiety you may want to research this and ask yourself if you are prepared for this
2016-05-25 01:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother divorced when I was 6. I didn't start having "chores" until I was around 12. And that was only helping with the dishes. You can't expect a 10 year old to help with everything and automatically be responcible. She's a child, let her be one. It will take her years to learn that. When I got to be a teenager my mother realized she could leave me alone and then she expected me to do everything. I still resent her to this day for it. Expecting a child to grow up too soon is just wrong. Just because our parents brought us up a certain way, doesn't make it right. She should help out because she wants to and wants to please you not because she's being forced to.
2007-10-23 03:09:28 · answer #7 · answered by BeLLa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay 10 year old's are irresponsible they are kids, no matter how mature they may seem. She is still a kid. When you are wanting her to help just ask instead of telling her, and help her when she is doing it. She shouldn't be disrespecting you but in the same since you are asking her to grow up, and she is ten. She is just like all ten year olds. Try telling her how much you appreciate it and how nice it looks when she finishes.
2007-10-23 03:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by bigjuggies79 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, she is 10 so you have to find what works for her. Sense you are at work and she is home are you sure she isn't going behind your back and watching TV and playing on the computer? Kids are effected also when parents split.
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a talk with her let her get her feelings out about everything. Ask her what is going to work to get her to do her chores. I did that with my 13 year old son. I finally came up with you get 25.00 a month and, if you want gum or ice cream it is coming out of your money. And any chore I have to do cause you didn't I will take money out and you will have to do an extra chore to make it back up....lol....with him it works. No more asking yelling or reminding to do them.
2007-10-23 02:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hello?? Are you really asking this. First of she just went through her mom and dad separating and on top of that you make her do all the stuff that you cant do now. She feels like things are changing BIG TIME. Try offering her money to help around the house. She is 10, don't expect to much out of her.
2007-10-23 02:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋