my husband starts getting more calls and emails at work from her. He becomes more distant to me and seems focused on other things....goes into his cave...as he calls it. Sometimes she is even able to convence him that I am crazy. I yelled at her one time three years ago for comming in the house at 6:30 in the morning and making a scene and making the children cry. I of course try to talk about it to him sometimes...not all because it is annoying....I think that after their being apart for 7 years that this should stop...she seems to have a lot of pull over him still (they have children and they were apart 3 years when I met him) why is he still feeding into this crazy behavior and letting it affect him so much. Help please.
2007-10-23 02:11:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know exactlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy how you feel.. and me and my husband do talk about this.. and he is in a predicument that he cant stand his x wife and she does everything in her power to make his life miserable with his kids, with me, etc..
He says its hard because he's not the custodial parent so he doesnt have as much power as she does, and that if he fights back with her, all it does is hurt the kids, because she brings them into the fight , trashing him to them, flooding their heads with lies etc.. and it KILLS him to watch his kids go through this.., and he knows if he puts up to big of a stink about things, she will make it difficult for him to contact the kids or see the kids, and he's one of these fathers that does all he can to have more visitations with his kids other then what the minimum the court gives him, so if he rocks the boat to much, she will use the kids as pawns to hurt him, meanwhile not realizing the hurt she's causing her own children because she's psycho and to self absorbed to actually see what she's doing wrong..
So many times we have to just eat s**t with a spoon politely to keep an even keel in our household for the sake of him and the children. Trying to talk to her, or fight with her is like beating ur head up against a brick wall, ur not getting anywhere with it.. and im betting ur husband feels torn, between doing what is right, and making you his wife happy, or catering to her craziness to keep from further losing his kids and them getting hurt in the process, and that is very stressful for him.. because he feels like he's being pulled in all different directions.. if he does one thing, he loses ur respect, if he goes another way he loses his kids more..
His kids are probably top priority to him just like with my husband and he feels torn on how to handle things because he has to worry about your feelings in the equation where when it was just him, if she walked over him like a doormat, he could handle that with any real recourse. And he becomes withdrawn because he is torn, and he probably wishes that things could be alot more peaceful, and probably wishes u would be more tolerable of her just to make his life easier..
Both my husband and your husband seemed to of made one HUGE mistake, by not laying out the boundries of what she could and couldnt do from day one of their divorce.. instead they let their ex's get away with still feeling like Queen Bee just for the mere fact that she gave birth to their children and she expects to be still treated like Queen Bee even though he's remarried.. and their x's are extremely good at manipulating a situation and making them feel like horrible fathers and guilting them into getting their way..
2007-10-25 16:50:26 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd put my foot down..heck if i would waste how many more years of my life putting up with this crap..you should be his #1..when he married you---then was the time he should have not cared at all what she thought...
if she came at my house at 6:30 in the morning and made my children cry---I would have had a restraining order against the girl!
2007-10-23 04:17:32 · answer #2 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This woman is still controlling your husband; and it's not going to stop, until he stops it. You have to decide if you want to continue in a marriage like this. This practice of him going into his cave is his way of cutting off communication, thereby making it impossible to solve this problem. You can't change other people's behavior, but you can certainly change the way they treat you. You need to tell you husband once more that you are not happy with this situation. If he then makes no effort to discourage his wife's interference, you'd better seriously think about your future with him.
2007-10-23 02:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He`s trying to find an amicable solution without hurting all involved. The 6:30 am scene should have involved the police and trespassing/ break and enter charges laid.I have 2 words for you:
RESTRAINING ORDER.
2007-10-23 02:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He feeds off of this behavior. He is obtaining something from this or he would not be doing it. It is probably the attention he is still getting from her. There are some people who cannot distinguish from negative and positive attention it its all the same to them. You need to try to discover what it is he gets from this interaction with her and put an end to it.
2007-10-23 02:22:06 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me say first of all, even though you are the second wife, and she has children with him, you still have the right to your feelings and your opinions.
I feel, the only time he should communicate with her, is when it concerns the children they have together.
2007-10-23 02:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he doesn't know how to stop this maddness, he needs and so do you help there's alot of great people out there to help you. Why is she in your place at 6:30 am?????? Change the locks now!!!!!!!!
2007-10-23 02:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me he's more worried about what she thinks than what you think... kids or no kids... he has to demand that she never call his place of employment... this is against most company rules... if she is calling his cell, he has to demand that she stop... he is to block her from sending emails... and he should never answer any, ever! all communication should remain to only when the kids are exchanged... unless it is a health emergency only for one of the kids, not her own emergency! if he keeps allowing it he thinks more of her, than you! a restraining order should be obtained, as well!
2007-10-23 02:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dear tell him straight away you or her, he has to be honest and straight forward. let him not play around with him either he tells her to LAY OFF or he faces the consequences.
2007-10-23 03:30:18 · answer #9 · answered by Blessings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he's whooped and has no balls. If you're into whipped guys who can't think for themselves, then by all means, stick around.
2007-10-23 02:17:09 · answer #10 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋