A few months ago I asked for my divorce. We are living together with my 2 children and things :) are amazing. He asked me to file for divorce ( I'm was already separated)and to move in with him, he asked me to marry him, we are talking about having a child. Things are really good and we are perfect for each other.
The problem now is this. His ex wife (he divorced 4 years ago) and his son moved move to our town and of course he wants to spend time with his son, his ex wife has lots of issues and he feels he has to be there all the time and to help with everything. And his ex wife does not want me to see his son, so once a week he sees his son, also no problem there. The thing is, whenever he takes his son home, she finds a way to make him stay there. Or she cries, or shes ill, or she has no money, or she says theres a problem with their son.
He says he feels emotionally responsable for her and needs to talk to her until his stuff is solved. Why? He says is guilty feelings.
2007-10-23 02:10:48 · 11 answers · asked by sweetiefeisty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He did not cheat. And before the divorce she left him and vice versa many times. He feels guilty for all the promises he made to them and couldn't keep he cannot accept the fact that she didn't kept them as well, he feels responsible for her unhapiness and because of the relationship he has with us (me and my kids) and can't have with his own son.
2007-10-23 02:20:50 · update #1
Ah yes............ he is the White Knight..... and the ex knows this so she uses it to control him.
One of two things has to happen.... either the ex needs to find someone else to "lean" on.... OR your bf needs to extradiate himself from this situation. Whatever guilt he feels, for whatever reason, needs to stop. I am assuming they are all adults, and no one is blameless when a marriage breaks up.... so your bf's ex needs to move on.
Regarding her not allowing you to see their son.... just another system of control, isn't it? She can't stop it unless she throws a ***** fit over it.... and your bf is either too weak to stop it, or doesn't WANT to stop it.
Personally, were I in your shoes, I'd take a HARD look at the relationship with the bf. If he is this eager to please his ex, then you aren't marrying HIM... you are marrying BOTH of them.
2007-10-23 02:18:09 · answer #1 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like the ex is taking advantage of this mans kind heart in an attempt to hang on to him.
Because he has a soft heart. It doesn't mean he loves her enough to stay with her, but it doesn't mean he wants to see her sad or hurting either.
This is the mother of his child and he has some responsibility to see that his child is raised in a safe and happy environment. His ex is using this against you.
If you can't accept the fact that there is family baggage attached, then you should not take this relationship to the next step.
2007-10-23 09:20:43 · answer #2 · answered by Ranger 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe that would depend on how they split up. Did he cheat? He may have guilty feelings if he did something to her and she divorced him, no looking back. She also may be playing him, knowing he'll be at her beck and call. All I can say is if you're happy, who cares about the EX. I mean after all, it is his EX, and has been for years.
2007-10-23 09:16:56 · answer #3 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Welcome to my world.....and the world of many other second wives...you are on the way to becoming one. Read about Blended Family Problems....you are in for a very eye opening experience. You are going to have to find some thick skin to put on with an ex like this.....even after their son turns 18 she will still be around.
2007-10-23 09:16:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd move back out and say to the man that we can not go forward with "our" relationship until things are solved with him and his ex. He still has a relationship going with his ex.
you should have got divorced before you moved in with him.
2007-10-23 09:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by Back W 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She hasn`t moved on with her life yet and WILL NOT let go. She`s got him right where she wants him. I`m sorry for you, but think your chances of a successful relationship under these circumstances is slim to none.
Good luck dear.
2007-10-23 09:16:02 · answer #6 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she wants him back thats for sure as she dosent want you to be involved with his son .
tell him to build bridge and get over it and bring his son home so you can get to know him that way it lessen the hold she has on him.
And he will see how it would be with you as a family
2007-10-23 09:26:36 · answer #7 · answered by pansboy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only people he should feel emotionally responsible for, are you and his son.
It sounds like he may still have feelings for her.
2007-10-23 09:21:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kathy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is guilty because he still bangs her butt when they were alone.
2007-10-23 09:15:52 · answer #9 · answered by ubon 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
uhm, she makes him stay? as an adult he can leave, but WANTS to stay. i would be more worried about his feelings towards her then hers towards him.
2007-10-23 09:17:27 · answer #10 · answered by not this way 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋