Why do I feel this way and do you also?

Question

I have to see my ex husband for 2 hours - 4 hours a month at the most as of right now since he doesn't call to visit any other times. He has supervised visits and i supervise him because the court order we had isn't working so we did a mutual agreement at mc donalds and i supervise him and bring a friend of mine.....I get so sick when i have to see him though but i do it for the kids. He has NO problem with our agreement he signed it i signed it weve been doing this for a year now...

The only thing is we didnt notify the court but I heard that you dont have to if you agreed to something. That you only go to court when you DONT AGREE on things.

No the court didn't say who would supervise. Just that he can see them at the daycare supervised from 2-5. But my boss changed my hours, so we did a mutual agreement for mc donalds from 3-5 with me supervising or someone that would want to but NOBODY wants to watch him so I am he has no problem with it we have been doing it for a year.

Let me add that it IS written down and signed by both parties

Answer 1

You do not have to go to court when you mutually agree, however, if he ever challenges this as your idea soley then you should have something signed by him and notorized (the is the "poor man's mediation plan) & you each keep copies for records. OR, a family court mediation recommended mediation plan (which are free services done by court mediators in every city if you've been to family court before) that state how often per month he visits, how long each visit is, what days and holidays, and sometimes there is even a location chosen (but rarely). It can also have an informal child support agreement to for him to pay. It works like this;
the 2 of you sit down with a mediator ans ask about what each wants in regards to visits then they draw up a plan of what is agreed upon, then it is sent to records and you are each iven a copy. This way you can use it to re-enforce anything in the future. You can do it either way and it will be recognized and enforcable in court.

Answer 2

You have to do it because a judge signed it, but the only way you could get in trouble for not going is if you takes you back to court. You can cancel and not go but the only person your really hurting is those children no matter how much he makes you sick deal with it because when your children get older there going to see him on there own time no matter how bad he is or what you tell them that is there father and there always going to be in his life just like they will be in yours. Just don't ever put him down if front of them let the kids find out on there own the bad in people thats what I think because if you tell them other wise there not going to believe you. Good luck and just try and keep going if you really can't just have your friend go and do it.

Answer 3

Yes, you don't have to go to court, but sometimes it's best if you are worried if there is going to be a dispute. You have nothing to back up the agreement.

My ex and I also have a mutual agreement that isn't recognized by the courts and that is a 50/50 custody agreement. We couldn't get it approved by the courts, even if we wanted to because they don't ever recognize that type of agreement. So, we agreed to do it ourselves, but if something doesn't work out at least we have the divorce decree as backup.

Answer 4

What you are feeling is very normal, if you do not have to go through the courts so be it. I'm going through a divorce after 31 years, this has been in the system for two years now, and I get sick of the thought I have to see him again, he messed up so bad I do not have time any more for the lies.

Answer 5

i find it a little difficult to comprehend this situation --- but i'm guessing that the court awarded access to your children for two hours so as your ex could see them .
and that you can do nothing about that --- but i have a problem understanding why you have to ' see ' your ex and supervise him ,
unless there was a problem of him maybe ' taking ' the kids !!!
i think you should consult someone from family services or legal aid --- it just doesn't sound right . good luck

Answer 6

As long as both of you agree to the change there is no problem with the court, assuming that neither of you complains to the court.

If both of you agree to the new arrangement type it out on paper and both of you sign it to keep things legal. That way no one can complain to anybody.

As for your being miserable when you see him, that is normal. He is a constant reminder of what you must see as your failed attempt at marriage. We all feel that way when we see our spouse but it is worse for you because you have to see him and we don't. Try to remember that these visits are for your son and not for you and be happy for him. No matter how you parted with your spouse, don't ruin his child's love for him.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Depends on the state. In my state the court order is the final and only word on matters like this. Agree on what you want, but if it isn't approved by the court, it isn't binding should one of you decide to break your agreement.

Answer 8

I think you only have to go to court if you don't agree on something. It's always better to work things out between the two of you, because it's less expensive, less time consuming, and it proves you can be mature around each other. This is much easier on your children.

Answer 9

here have a hug.. (( )) and one for Ma too (( )) I feel loved. my nieces and nephews my sisters my family is pretty neat even if they are a million miles away I know that they love me.. If I did not know that I would simply have no reason to live now would I? I feel especially loved today.. so I am going to share it with you.. OK? anyone else wants a hug.. come and get it they are free tonight..!!

Answer 10

You should still tell the court what if he reneges? You wll not have a leg to stand on.... Good luck.. Grant in Pennsylvania