What should I do about what my mom found?

Question

I am 20 years old going to a college living at home. I am the daughter of divorced parents who raised me in the church.
When I was 15 I got more serious about God shortly after an incident with my mom's old roomate that unfortunately left me quite a bit less innocent. I do NOT like talking to my mom about my personal life, nevermind my sex life. I try not to have a sex life, and am a self proclaimed christian buthave messed up along the way. Yesterday when my stepdad was looking at my car he apparently found a piece of trash ... it was a slip that confirmed my pregnancy test was negative. A guy I was seeing for a while while not sharing him with my family yet became my ex and we basically had sex.

I am not talking to this guy any more since I feel he makes it harder for me to be obedient to God. But when my mom called me on this (stepdad never fails to convict me) i said I was not pregnant and she said if I was sure we'd talk about it later. I feel violated and vulnerable.

My mom always asks who im talking to on the phone and she reads and opens my mail. I'm upset that it seems she and her husband go looking for things wrong with me (she definitely does) and then she calls me a fake christian. I want to be real and I am not a perfect christian, but I really don't want her in my business like that. I really dont know what ot say to her later today and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am wrong or she is but I feel like she is prying into my business that is not hers as usual. I really am at a loss.

She will say that if I am an adult with a right to privacy then I should move out. Her way or the highway. Anytime she is mad she tells me I can move out. Its just so expensive that it seems impossible. Makes me depressed because I would move if it were easier.

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I just feel exceedingly uncomfortable talking about sex with her.. it makes me feel like I have been physically violated for some reason *****

Answer 1

You are not a fake Christian. You either believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God or you don't. I go to church and worship God because I am not perfect. I make mistakes, big and serious mistakes too, that is why I need God. We aren't Christians because we are perfect we are Christians because we need God and we can't do it alone.

Answer 2

It sounds like your mother is concerned that you might be making the same mistakes she did and she is overly concerned which is the reason for acting the way she does. Perhaps she even knew about the incident with the old room mate which left you "quite a bit less innocent" you need to sit and talk with her, without the step father there and tell her that you should have been more open with her and will in the future but ask her to not open your mail until you have a chance to open it. You didn't mention whether your mother continues in the church but if not, get her to go to church with you, and pray with her for the wisdom for both of you to do the right thing and forgiveness when you do not. she may get to the point where she is not interfering in your life as much but perhaps not until she is sure you will not be repeating her mistakes, such as having the room mate you talked about.
Good Luck to you and I hope the two of you can get passed this.

Answer 3

Is there is something wrong with fundamentalist christians that begin to judge their own offspring, neigbors etc. You are of the age of accountability. You need to break free of those bonds and you still can be a great Christian; however where does it say in the Bible that fellow Christians may judge. They both need to respect your privacy and the fact that you made your choice to follow God.
Have a long talk with both of them as an adult. Time to be your own person and follow God, otherwise you will never break the controlling cycle.

Answer 4

that is such a hard question b/c it feels like there is no way out. first, you're not a bad christian no matter what she says. keep doing what you know is right and look for solace in your church and prayer.

second, in regards to what to say to your mother, stay calm. tell her that you would like to set up boundries. (who pays for the car? if it's you, then that is something that should be off limits to them). when she goes into the "my house, my rules" speech (and she will, we both know that), try to set up a system where you become like a tenant. suggest that you pay rent of like $100 a month, or whatever you can afford. this will pay for your right to privacy. your room can become your studio, ha. set up guidelines and boundries for both of you.

if that doesn't work (it may not if she is completely unrealistic about life) i would stay with a friend for a few days. let things cool down, and then try to find a way to move out. i know it's hard and can be expensive, but there are programs and groups out there that can help. start saving too, save every penny. if you absolutely cannot move out, i'd do whatever i could to not be in that house for long periods of time. i would go out with friends, work late, stay late at the library. that way your car won't be there to be searched and neither will you be there to be judged.

good luck. oh, and write everything down that you want to say to her beforehand. this will keep you calm and focused.

Answer 5

Your mom is being overprotective. What makes your sin of having sex worse than her sin of getting divorced? You are clearly trying to better yourself, and she should be happy for you. I would consider moving out. I'm not sure where you live, but I can bet it is not as expensive as you think.

Honestly, my biggest expense is my car. Between my loan payment, car insurance, gas and repairs, it is way more than I have ever paid in rent. You have to pay for transportation whether you live at home or not I'm guessing. Just get a roommate and live on the cheap side of town and you will be able to make it.

Answer 6

Christians make mistakes, and just as long as they acknolegde them and ask for forgiveness they are still Christians. What happended with your Moms old roommate that left you less innocent? Your Step Dad needs to back off it is not his place to judge your actions he is not God. I would do myself a favor and move out. Also I would speak with my Mom alone and tell her how you feel about her new husband and how he makes you feel.

Answer 7

You should thank God for such caring parents. Your stepfather reported what he had found to your mom, as he should have. Your mother then came to talk with you about it, as she should have. You're 20 years old now. Be adult enough to sit down and talk with her. You haven't been violated, but you may be vulnerable. Understand that a man who loves you is not going stay hidden from your family. He's not going to sneak around with you and jeopardize your future, by having unprotected sex with you before marriage.

Show your mother than you are indeed an adult. When she's ready to talk, sit down and discuss this, like an adult. Let her know that you made a mistake with this guy. Then assure her that you have learned something from the experience. Your mother has a wealth of experience that you can benefit from, if you're receptive to it. Be glad that you have her to confide in, rather than being resentful. As followers of Christ, we've all "messed up" along the way. God is quick to forgive our mistakes. We must be quick to forgive ourselves, as well. Talk to your mom; and be wise enough to protect your future from now on. Best wishes.

Answer 8

committing a sin doesn't mean your not a christian anymore. remember what the bible says ' we are saved by grace not by works'. you are a child of God. take for example of your mom, you are her daughter and you cannot be her ex-daughter. same as to God our greatest Father. God loves you. you are only human making mistakes. but you can avoid by doing that. i think you are matured enough to think what is right or wrong but if there's some things you're tempted to doing so, it doesnt mean God doesnt love you anymore. you know, God only knew what on our hearts. your mom doesnt have the right or you to judge that because of incidence you're not a christian anymore. learn your mistakes and ask forgiveness to God. and not to do it again if you think is wrong. God is easily to forgive. remember when Jesus hanged on the croos and on the right side there was a man who ask forgiveness. you are christian because you believe Jesus Christ, not your works. we are sinners after all.

Answer 9

Just tell her you made a mistake, and if she is a true christian she wouldnt judge you. You are young and I commend you for trying to do the right things, which is always a challenge. Just keep your faith strong and respectfully tell your mom, you are an adult and you deserve a little privacy, room to learn, you will make mistakes and its her job to help guide you in the right direction.

Answer 10

You say it's expensive and you would move out if it were 'easier'. Dang girl, You're an adult, it's NOT EASY being an adult.

Either move out and be on your own, or live at home and deal with the consequenses.