Has anyone else felt like this after their marriage ended and their spouse walked out?

Question

i.e. happier.

No matter how hard I try I can't actually feel upset. I sometimes feel a bit guilty because I don't feel upset, and I sometimes feel a little uncertain (not very) about whether it's right just to let a 17 year relationship end even if it was hell towards the end. But then I think well if it weren't the right thing to do I'd be feeling more upset so I must be doing the right thing.

So I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt like this and whether I'll feel any differently after a few weeks. (It's only been 10 days)?

Victoria - which part of 'I'm not upset' did you not understand?

Answer 1

I think the proper word to describe your feelings...or lack thereof...is 'apathy'. Its not hate or anger, just a blase, don't give a good goddamn feeling.
I don't know how you get that way. You'd think you'd be upset in light of present circumstances but I don't know...maybe its because you're tired. maybe because you're numb and have no feeling. In any case I can't disagree with you as far as believeing your lack of emotion is because its the right thing to do. So perhaps it isn't so much being apathetic as finding this inner peace with yourself and the knowledge that this part of your relationship is what we Yanks say is "a done deal".
I'm willing to think more along those lines as far as an explanation goes. Of course there isn't anything wrong with feeling this way. And guilt? Well...why? Its something that seemed to be inevitable. Judging what you've written in your blogs its not as though you haven't looked at this from every angle and even taken steps to breathe life back into the whole thing. So you can't feel guilty when you've done everything you can think of to make it work.
Sorry that it failed and now its time to move forward and 'burying the dead' so to speak. Somehow I get the distinct impression you're going to find yourself happier in the longrun. I think you know that as well. Its just getting over the first few humps before you start to feel better about it.

Answer 2

Nope, I think I am a fairly realistic person and I had several serious relationships before I picked my man. We are well matched as far as ambition, values, goals, interests etc. PLUS I get the added bonus that he's a romantic and loves to make extravagant gestures. He's a KEEPER. Sorry for you hun. If you don't have kids yet, you should hold off on making babies and see how things go. Perhaps he just needs to mature a little bit, or you made a poor choice.

Answer 3

I can only speak from the viewpoint of a child of an embattled marriage. We "kids" gave my parents a party for their 40th and they separated the next day. Our feeling was relief at the lack of refereeing we were going to have to do. Little did we know how many more battles there would be with Mom here and Dad 1,500 miles away.

Is your current feeling called relief? It sounds appropriate and I would take it as a sign that the split was overdue.

Answer 4

YEP YEP YEP!!! I'm there!! I absolutly love being on my own,
Obviously you have made the right decision, I've been happily on my own for a year now and the though of having to bend to another lazy *** persons needs it just not my cuppa,
1 i don't have time and 2 my kids need me,
I feel guilty sometimes, then i remind myself how it was and its like aahhh nah,!
I was in a relationship for 8yrs then 3
You will probably go through a whole world of emotions, and you'll decide what is right for you.
I know for me I'm much more relaxed

Answer 5

mine ended after 32 yrs... was nothing that i had done apart from the fact that when i took early retirement i was bored senseless.. so started to help out on a part time basis and she was fed up and walked.. still good friends just don`t have the commitment of the marriage in a nut shell we live two totally different lives, two different houses, all i know is that were both happy with the situation and get on with our lives without having to worry about each other, mind you the daugthers keep sticking there noses in every so often, understandable tho.... but finally good luck to you and your family for the future... xxx

Answer 6

I have never been happier in my life. I divorced my husband of 22 years (with him 29) and waited for the remorse to come. Guess what? It never did! Enjoy your life. I am.

And the best part? I met a wonderful man who treats me like a queen.

Hang in there sister. Life just keeps getting better!

Answer 7

Louise,
It was 26 years ago that my 15-year marriage ended. I never did manage to feel upset. However, it took a few months to stop feeling guilty about not being upset.
-zee

Answer 8

Congratulations! Remember, divorce is hard for most of us since it is like death. I think you did the right thing to do because you had a bad marriage. No, I don't think you should feel guilty about it. You have a life ahead of you. Good luck.

Answer 9

Does the term "doing backflips" ring a bell? Oh yeah. After getting out of my first marriage, I felt like I had been released from a cage. You'll likely feel different in a few weeks though. You'll probably feel even better about it! ;)

Answer 10

Hi Sweetie,
You are not alone in this. I refer to my divorce from my first husband as my "Great Emancipation". As a single mother with two children, life became more of a challenge, even difficult at times, but I always knew it was the best thing for my self and my children. I hope for you that you are on to bigger and better things in your life. Love and Luck--MissDelanne