sunday started out to be a good day /we had breakfast/we painted the walls in the bedroom/ he got drunk/i started cooking dinner then he started to abuses me verbally screaming at the top of his voice,who he had to go around the bed room finish the snags after me /he said i was perfetic and should stand up for my self then out of nowere he jabed me in th arm with his finger i have a big bruies there now,monday morning i had showed him what he had done he said he should stop drinking,no sorry no nothing i hardley talk to him
2007-10-22 19:55:18 · 25 answers · asked by suzanne p 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i asked him to give up drinking,he said no i live in his house ,should i just leave with no explenation take what belongs to me and start again
2007-10-22 20:09:01 · update #1
im not married to him i live with him / he also said that i fleace him which hurt a lot im not that sort of a girl im not sure i want to do this any more
2007-10-22 20:21:05 · update #2
Yes, he will do it again and again until he gets professional help
2007-10-22 20:00:19 · answer #1 · answered by ChocLover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I don't agree.
You should definitely hold him accountable, and he should apologize and take steps to ensure that this doesn't happen again or progress to something worse.
If this is the first time he has done anything like this, it does not mean he will become an abuser. I don't want to discount your feelings or the seriousness of what he has done, but poking you in the arm with his finger does not make you a battered woman. People have been known to get out of hand where liquor is involved, and that does not always mean that they are horrible people or habitual abusers.
If he needs to quit drinking, then hold him to that. If even verbal abuse becomes a habit, then I would worry. No one should have to put up with being disrespected or abused, but I would not call this an event that should break up a relationship that is otherwise healthy and okay.
Not talking to him isn't going to solve anything. Communication is the foundation for any solid relationship, and if you aren't voicing your true feelings then you can't be up in arms about him not making a big deal about it. He may simply be feeling embarassed or ashamed- make him understand how serious this was for you, and give him the chance to make it right. If he doesn't seem remorseful, or if he ever repeats this type of behavior, or if there is something else you may not have mentioned that makes you feel uncomfortable about the relationship, then would be time to re-evaluate your commitment and think about either moving on or requiring him to seek counseling to continue seeing you.
2007-10-23 03:15:20 · answer #2 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the question that you have to ask yourself are you truly and honestly happy??? Unfortunately a man that drinks and is abusive is a danger.... there is no excuse whotsoever to be abusive and physical to another human being..... he says he should stop drinking but do you truly honestly believe that? I have been in an abusive alcoholic relationship and take it from me it will only get worse..... I asume you have not got kids so you will be in a luckier position than most..... I would try and see if you could move back with your parents or stay with friends and tell him quite straight that once is once too often if he truly loves you he will try and get counselling ect to win you back ..... but the problem is if you stay living with him then he will just continue to make excuses about his behaviour and in some respects you will be giving him the message that you accept his behaviour... Good luck
2007-10-23 11:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by dee9166 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, talk is cheap, make him pay for every word he uses,......in other words, start going to a "aa" meeting just to see how alcoholics really are,.....let him know too, he'll feel really bad and probably dejected and it'll wake his happy *** up a bit too and maybe he'll come round and you guys can hold your marriage together instead of allowing it to fall apart like 70% of modern americans do these days. sorry that happened to you, I've acted that way before when I was much, much younger, I was wrong too I cant apologize to you for him but my suggestion might just work. Technically speaking as somewhat of a demographer, chances are he'll act the same way again someday soon but you can start to stop it in the act by acting first. just like I suggested to you. I'm an ex alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an ex husband too, I know to some degree how you must feel and I know to a great extent how he will feel if he ends up causing a divorce.
2007-10-23 03:12:26 · answer #4 · answered by theoregonartist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drunk, abusive towards you, hurts you and bruises you. Next day he doesn't apologise.
This bad behaviour is designed to make you leave. He wants you gone. Probably there is someone else.
Chances are high that it will happen again if you stay. Don't get caught up in wishful thinking. If a female friend did this to you, you'd get out of her life, wouldn't you?
Give him what he wants. Leave. He's not worth it.
Good luck x
2007-10-23 04:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe some people don't make nice drunks so they should never drink... I also believe that people can change and some do but only if they are made to take account for their actions... do not allow this sort of behaviour to continue. you must confront him with what happened and if he chooses not to take responsibility for what happen.. do not allow him to try put the blame on you in any shape or form...somehow I think there is a lot more going on in you relationship with this man. my gut feeling tells me... this is not something that happened out of the blue..so please confront him with everything that happened and then see what he has to say...but please listen to what all the other answers have to say also.
2007-10-23 04:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by caraohara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can. My experience tells me that once a man puts his hand on a woman he will do it again. How far he will go is really not the point. Unless you want to be in a fighting relationship, don't waste your time with him. I would leave and never turn back. What ties do you have to him? Tell the fighting drunk to get his life together.
2007-10-23 03:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by lovely2u22 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you take it when you don't have to? I am sure there are many reasons that you have but none are good enough for things to begin getting out of hand. Once they start they usually get worse. He only does it when he drinks? And he is not willing to stop? Then he is not willing to stop doing it to you either is he?
2007-10-23 03:30:17 · answer #8 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will hurt you again and the next time it might be worse. Why are you staying with a man that treats you like that. I would take what is mine and leave. You deserve better and you will be glad that you did. You also deserve to be happy and not have anyone put you down.
2007-10-23 03:52:02 · answer #9 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not married to him and you have no children. PLEASE LEAVE. This is very serious, and you must get out. It is important that you make plans quietly to go, and to make sure that he can't follow you. Contact only your closest family or friends who are absolutely loyal to you and whom you can trust to keep your plans secret. Anyone who suggests that he deserves "another chance" is wrong. He struck you and left a mark. He won't acknowledge it properly. What more do you need? Don't negotiate. LEAVE.
2007-10-23 03:36:22 · answer #10 · answered by Pythia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and next time it maybe worse, i really really urge to to take him to get somes help, try this
http://www.dryoutnow.com/?keyword=alcohol+abuse&gclid=CMP6vO65pI8CFQ53MAodbk6aLQ
Convince him to come if he does not pack your bags. Seriously you may love him but NO one deserves to be treated like that. Stay at a friends/families house until he decides to go to the cinic. You must take a stnad now before it is too late. Gosh i sound like ones of those adverts, anyway please please do not do nothing and wait because the problem wont go away
2007-10-23 03:08:14 · answer #11 · answered by h1ten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋