2007-10-22 18:59:19 · 31 answers · asked by ShineOn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so happy that your question has had so many wonderful responses and that so many people are aware of the united front approach to parenting. I have practiced and advocated it all of my adult life. I do feel that it is important to have those conversations with your spouse if you do not agree with the disicpline or the way they handled a situation and it must be done in private as adults.
However, what I do not hear is anyone representing the middle ground in this case. It seems that people are expecting that you always stay unitied or you undermine the parents authority. I believe that there are situations when the child needs to be aware that you do not agree with the other parents agenda. What is wrong with that? You let them know that Mom and Dad are just real people that do not agree on absolutely everything. I do not feel that there is anything wrong with telling the child, I don't agree with the punishment that your other parent laid down and I did try to talk to them about it but we still disagree. However, we do have to respect that parent wether we agree or not, so I need you to respectfully fullfill your punishment and perhaps we can all sit down together and discuss what you feel is more appropriate.
This helps the child learn responsibility for their actions, how to advocate for themselves, and a whole lot of other character building lessons that they will not learn if you do not directly address the fact with the child that parents do not always agree with each other.
Happy parenting to all. I've been parenting for twenty seven years now and it has been an honor to have such an awesome responsibility.
2007-10-22 19:41:36 · answer #1 · answered by MsRiddle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you're a man or a woman (looks can be so deceiving here sometimes), but I will say this. A child needs both parents and for good reason(s). Your husband may sound a bit harsh to your child because he is probably larger in stature, has a deeper voice, etc. And they can be moody. (I can't believe men have the gall to talk about women's moodiness)! But your child will generally find dear old Dad to be scarier when it comes time to get yelled out. And your first response is to want to protect your child. Unless your husband is being abusive, PLEASE allow him to be the father. And he should respect your rights to mother as you see fit. The two of you need to get together to discuss parenting once in a while behind the children's backs. Don't forget that as long as the two of you present a United Front against the whims & wishes of your children, the kids will turn out just fine.
Though I must admit, there have been times that after the fact, I've had a heart to heart with my hubby when I thought he was wrong about something, and he changed his mind. And, there's been times when he's had to discuss some things with me that bothered him. He usually thinks I'm too easy on the kids and I think he's too harsh sometimes. I think it's just the difference between the sexes.
2007-10-23 02:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would keep quiet and discuss i with my spouse later on. raising a child you need to be an united front, if they see that you are fighting 1. it will upset them and 2. it will turn into the good cop bad cop situation where your child will begin to feel if i cant get what i want from dad i sure can from mum. your spouse expects your support.
i would speak to my spouse in private afterwards and then both approach your child and tell them the answer or if you have talked about it and changed your decision.
2007-10-23 02:03:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mother and father must appear as "one united front" to a child.
If a spouse disagrees with the other, it should NOT be displayed in front of the child. Save it for bedroom talk when the kids are asleep. AND DON'T YELL!!! THIS WILL WAKE UP THE KIDS!!!
Parents should never undermine each other in front of their children. It's wrong and can confuse the child.
2007-10-23 02:05:52 · answer #4 · answered by KayV 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not at the time of the incident. Pull your spouse on the side when you can talk to him alone, and discuss the situation.
To do it in front of the child would be an act of disrespect, and may cause the child to pit you and your spouse against each other every time he/she wants something his/her way.
2007-10-23 02:05:10 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
interfering with the discipline of a child by your spouse is a very touchy subject: i recommend only doing so if the other parent is completely out of control. this type of interference causes the child to recognize how to pit one parent against the other as well as create a lack of respect between all parties. i try to talk to my husband about it when our children can not hear the conversation. this allows us to decide the best course of action and let the party who over reacted {or whatever} handle it with the child by further explanation or even apologize if needed
2007-10-23 02:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by donay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine are grown now, but I surely did.... Not always right away. It depended on what the actual "punishment" was !! Other times I'd try talking sense into my hubby after the fact and have the punishment rescended or lessened.
One time they were both grounded for a whole summer..which was rediculous, so I would take them and their friends to fun places and even drop them off at a friends while I would be running errands etc.
I also put them into a day camp where they would go on field trips etc..
It all worked out for the best. He went a bit overboard at times ~ so I made up for it.
Well, that's just me..............Oh yeah ~ My kids grew up less resentful........Hmmmm
2007-10-23 02:15:13 · answer #7 · answered by Giddyup 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough question. I used to always side with my son, because he was mine before I got married. I didn't want him to feel "picked on" by my husband...even though my husband adopted him after we married (son was 10 by then). Eventually it caused BIG problems...BIG BIG! I tried to stop doing this and now , years later, even if I tell my husband I'm on HIS SIDE...he has a hard time believing me. I don't blame him, but I think you two should be a united front and not "take sides" in front of the child. Don't go behind your husbands back and change a punnishment or TELL the child your on HIS side, not dad's. HUGE mistake. United front all the way!!! Unless he is physicaly harming the child.
2007-10-23 02:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by ssgjwyf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I tend to pull my husband aside and try to reason with him. It is important that you show a united front in front of your child. Of course, I would throw my body over my child if there was the possibility my spouse would hit him, and then I would be out of there!
2007-10-23 02:03:14 · answer #9 · answered by Susan M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
better to keep quiet until the child is out of earshot then mention it carefully to your partner that you feel that the reaction was unfair but let them decide how to handle it even if it's your child as well
if you say anything while the child is being reprimanded you will undermine your partners authority over the child
2007-10-23 02:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by bbh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋