He is married. I am single. He's 47. Im 30. He has 3 kids. I have none. I met him in Feb. Fell in love in May. I knew he was married all along. But the feeling was too strong I just didn't want to wonder what could've been. I said goodbye to him in July. Then got back together again. Then yesterday I said goodbye again.
We have plans of moving to the states come 2009. He said "we can get married there". I believed him. But 2 months after that statement, he still goes home to his wife and kids every single night. Being an engineer, his projects will end by 2009. I talked to him abt moving out knowing he cant move in with me. He is not open to living on his own. Maybe its for economic reasons but anyway, my pt is, he still goes home to hes despite talks of getting an annullment.
Anwyay, last wk i again askd hm abt this and he finally said "no church or court will allow them to get an annulment bec they are still living together as a family. That was my turning pt
2007-10-22 18:02:55 · 14 answers · asked by Stefani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then again I asked what he will do if the wife finds out. he said his actions will be based on her actions. But he told me he decided about it being us in the future. so why cant he have the balls to tell her abt us? That was it for me. Really. I realized he was playing. I have him for it. But i still love him. Oh indeed love is blind. But please help me to stay in the light. My love will not easily fade away. I still love him to this very day. he told me he will not ask me to wait for him. but he hopes i will be still available when he is. he doesnt want to cut our communication. he wants us to meet at least twice a month even for drinks as friends. It is tormenting when i dont see him but its the same thing when i do.
I know i did the right thing. But what if he is the one? Ive seen second marriages that worked out so well. Should I shut myself off from him compltly or do i let a window open to let chance happn?
I love him so much. But im letting go him.
2007-10-22 18:03:27 · update #1
You did the right thing in letting him go. There is someone out there for you. You do not need someone elses man you need your own. There is one for you. This man is a liar. He lied to his wife, he lied to you, he lied to his children. You need someone that tells the truth. Since he lied to all these people, how can you ever trust what he says to you? Is it because your feelings tell you? Yes your feelings tell you you love him but they are hiding the truth in plain sight. He is taking advantage of everyone he knows so far. By saying he wants to meet you a couple times a month just for drinks is another lie on top of all the rest. He knows what it takes to get you into his bed and that is what he will do.
Find someone who loves you for you not for sex. You deserve better. Think of yourself as a valuable person not a commodity and you will be a bit happier.
2007-10-22 20:57:05 · answer #1 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Second marriage can indeed work, when the one who is married gets a divorce and this man is not acting like a man who wants a divorce this man is acting like a man who wants to have two women in his life, he has children with his wife you stay with him and your going to find the hard way that you will always be the third wheel the second hand plate at the table is this what you want? lesson learn here leave what belongs to others alone and get your own.. he will never be completely yours even if you move to Mars why? because of those children if he can't give you the place you deserve then leave him alone, he is playing you your heart is telling you and I am sure everyone else here will tell you the same.
Love him do ya? well better learn this other little thing never love anyone more than you love your self. Your life will be miserable and incomplete your still young and with time to meet someone who will have the time and love just for you make a family one of your own.. Married man who go out and look for another and lie to their wives are like that with every woman they are with, you live in her shoes long enough you will know is true...next time he calls you tell him call your wife is over don't bother me anymore or I will tell your wife... Stand up for your self. good luck.
2007-10-23 07:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, just because you think he might be the one, he won't become one. Are you seriously so naive? He will never leave his wife and his kids, and even if he does, don't you believe in karma? What goes around that comes around. If he cheated on his wife, it wouldn't be hard for him to cheat on you one day. And don't you care that somewhere the kids will be living without their dad? Don't you care that these kids will be devastated? Are you so selfish to destroy the lives of four people?
You always knew that he was married. So it's only your own fault. Suck it up and live a painful life. You deserved this pain for sticking your head where you were not supposed to. Sorry to say but I am not sorry for you. I hope one day when you have three kids, your husband will start sleeping with someone younger. Good luck!
2007-10-23 01:13:31 · answer #3 · answered by terliuke 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He will never get a divorce and you are right to let him go and I commend you for that in spite of the fact that you shouldn't have let it go this far since he was married. He is just a person who is using you for sex until he comes back to the U.S. and leaves you behind.You will feel pain if you love him but let that pain be a reminder to not get involved with a married person but to make friends to hang out with, do things that you enjoy doing, and you will find a person who will love and care for you who has no wife and will be coming home to you.
2007-10-23 01:44:20 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will not leave his wife or kids. He will not get an annullment or divorce. He is only using you. You have no future with this guy. Even if you think so, do you expect he will be any more faithful to you than to his wire and kids?
Your suggested course of action... tell him goodby, and mean it. Forget about him and put your efforts into finding someone else. (If he ever does divorce he can call you then, but if I were you I wouldn't count on it).
2007-10-23 01:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not "the one for you" because he already belongs to someone else.
Move on. There is someone else out there for you. Someone where you don't have to be second best.
Cut him off. Completely. No communication, no drinks, no emails, no phone calls. Because you cannot be a "friend" to him when you are still "in love" with him. And you cannot be anything OTHER than a "friend" to him when he is still married to someone else!
So walk away and don't look back. He's not worth the heartache or the headache.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN BEING SECOND BEST.
2007-10-23 01:26:09 · answer #6 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't marry a man that is married. He can't get an annulment because he has consumated the marriage at least 3 times since he's got 3 kids by her. He's never going to leave her. Wake up and get a spine.
2007-10-23 01:08:57 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I appreciate the situation that you are in. Sometimes, it's just meeting the right person at the wrong time or circumstance. Nobody will ever know how you are feeling inside unless they have gone through it themselves. Life is indeed short, and you are not wrong to be selfish to pursue your happiness. Aren't all the people around us just the same and are as equally selfish in their own ways. So what if we do not conform with social norms.
However, from the way you have described the situation, I would probably have to tell you that you have met the wrong person for you to be devoted to. He is just paying lip service to you whilst wanting to maintain this relationship for reasons only known to himself. It's never his intention to make things happen between the both of you. With that, he is not worth your while to make sacrifices, to put in your time, effort and emotion for him. If you have meant the world to him, he would have shown you his desire by going all out to make things happen.
It's a good thing that you have initiated to leave him. At least, it shows that you are in control of things/situation, rather than waiting for him to intiate the break-up with you. I can feel the sadness, anger and disappointment inside of you, and how much of effort it takes for you now to move on and forget about him. Sometimes, we just have to lament on why we meet and give ourselves to the wrong people, who are not deserving at all.
;-...(
2007-10-23 02:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by Tabo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can not believe you would so openly admit to having no regard to the feelings of a wife and children whose lives you are tearing apart. You are so torn about your own woes. It sounds to me like you would do better asking a question about what are other peoples feelings? Considering you lack this normal understanding. Also, you may want to study up on morals.
2007-10-23 01:16:00 · answer #9 · answered by J B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HE WILL NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE. HE WILL NOT MARRY YOU. HE WILL NOT DIVORCE HIS WIFE. HE WILL NOT LEAVE HIS KIDS. HE WILL NOT BE TRUTHFUL TO YOU. YOU WILL NOT HAVE A FUTURE WITH HIM. HE WILL NOT STAY WITH YOU AFTER 2009. Is that clear? Stay away from him. Get your own life, yur own man. Have your own kids.
2007-10-23 03:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by bundy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋