Dear Friends, I have a serious problem. I was in deeply love with a girl 17 years ago.?

Question

our relationship lasted for almost 7 years. Due to some personal problem we could not tie the knot. Now i am married to another woman whom i really love. we have 2 children.
Suddenly i found my 1st lover who still loves me although she is now married. We met and have talk for few months. I am again in serious love with my 1st lover although i love my wife really from the heart. Actually i love both the women really from my heart.
Am i doing anything wrong?
What will be my future?
What should i do?
Please help.

Answer 1

Snap out of it, you have children. You're playing with fire. You both need to stop right now.

Answer 2

You know you are doing something wrong. Put yourself in your current wife's shoes. How would you feel if you married her in good faith, had a couple of kids with her, and suddenly she announced, out of the blue, that her true love of 17 years ago has returned, but she loves both of you? You'd probably be furious. Did you ever tell your wife about this other woman you were so madly in love with?

There is a possibility that you are just in love with the past - you know, in love with the relationship you and your first love once had. Talking to her has rekindled all the feeling of young love, and is making you feel young again, and all that good stuff. But that doesn't make it real - not like what you have with your wife.

It is all very well to sneak round with the other woman, engaging in dreamy what if's and would be's. But I'm wondering - has she ever washed a load of your clothes? Has she ever stayed up all night rocking your crying baby? How do you know she's not using you for the same dreamy get away from her husband that you are using her for?

You have to make a decision and no one else, certainly not anyone on the Yahoo advice blog, can tell you your future. You have to look into your own heart. If you honestly believe that 1) real, married life with the first love will be more satisfying than what you have with your current wife and 2) you can live with the emotional fall out of breaking up two marriages, then you should do it. If she is the love of your life, then she is. But you don't say that, do you? You say you love both women, from the heart.

Make a decision, and be honest enough with both women to carry it through.

Answer 3

My girl friend got into a simular problem. I will tell you as I told her. When you marry someone and then have children, it is not just your life you have to think about any more. It is not just your feelings you have to think about, but your two children and your wife. If you leave your wife then she will have your children and you will end the years that you have given to this relationship. Your wife will be hurt and suffer and your children will be hurt and suffer too. So, I ask you what is more important to you? Your first love or all the years and time that you have brought into your marriage? You also will lose everything! So I guess you better think about whether this woman is worth giving everything up for. Your home, money, children, and your wife. If your wife finds out that you are seeing this woman at all or that you still have feelings for her then I am sure it would distroy her.
The excitement of finding this woman again has blinded you to the real important things in life. You should have never met with her in the first place. You are married with children and all this did was mess with your mind and put yourself into a position of wanting your cake and eat it too! You cannot have both of them and if you continue to meet with the first woman then your wife will find out and you won't have to worry or wonder what to do at that point because it will be too late. Your marriage and your life will be over and you will be starting all over again with nothing with this first woman.
No one needs to tell you what is right because you know it your self. You can care about only this woman and ruin many lives or you can call it quits and live like you were living before. It is up to you. No one can tell you what to do. I can only tell you what you will cause if you continue.

Answer 4

Well, I think you're too old for her at this stage in life. Four years isn't much at a later stage in life, but you have to think of all that has happened to you between 13 and 17. I mean, it's a world of difference, and if her brother has problems with it I'm sure her parents would too. The second you hit 18 there'd be a world of problems that'd be better to avoid, assuming his sister does like you back. Maybe later in life, but it's better to just not think about. What the "preppy cheerleader" said to you was horribly inappropriate at the same time, probably trying to just prop her own self up on the pedestal that she's used to being on in most people's eyes if you ask me, so I wouldn't exactly run to her either--but all in all it's probably best to just lay low and stay single for the time being. If someone more your age catches your eye maybe make a move on her. Is it weird? Not really, you probably fell for her because you felt you could connect to her, which how can that be weird? Acting on it might be a different story, but things like this happen all the time. Don't undercut yourself.

Answer 5

You love the person she was back then but that doesn't mean she is the same person. You say you met but you don't say how so perhaps she somehow made that happen and has turned into someone who wants to get out of her marriage so she turned to you. what you felt then was the love felt by a boy and now the love you feel is the love of a grown man. Since you love your wife, you have to tell this girl that you wished it had worked out but it didn't and then move on. If you start to get into something with the old flame and don't remember that didn't work before and may not again, you may end up with neither of them. Wives are like beautiful diamonds; one is beautiful but too many can break your back and kill you and in love two is too many. Stick with what you have and what you know makes you happy and put the other love where it belongs, in your past.

Answer 6

I as a female really feel for you on this. It is a serious problem because there are no winners here only heartache for someone. Your future with no.1 would never be the rosy one you are dreaming of because 2 families were destroyed for this, it will always haunt you both. I think you are playing with fire. You are in a marriage, both of you are and if you've been married for any length of time marriages have their stale moments and something exciting and new can look pretty attractive. Please forget about each other and be happy with the one you are with, it's so much easier, and the right thing. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

you have what is called the 7 year itch, but with a twist. the twist being you didn't go out looking to cheat, but could due to your lost love being found. don't do it, cut it off, your life will be total turmoil, and you could lose what you've got. why make two separate families totally miserable when you both are with people you obviously love, and care about already. the past is the past. who knows if you did marry each other before you met your spouses, what life would of been like. you might of ended up split up due to incompatibility, boredom, or the need for more in life. is your life fulfilling now? are your wife, and kids happy? do you enjoy going home, and out with the family? you can not turn back the hands of time. for some reason you two did not finish what you started years ago. it was not meant to be. yes, you're doing wrong. you're hiding stuff from your wife. in your heart you feel guilty, and like you're cheating don't you. you can't look your wife, and kids in the eye, that means it's wrong.

Answer 8

Stay away from the 1st lover and have no more contact with her. You are doing wrong. Both of you are different people now and have lived different lives,you are not the same people. This blast from the past is just memory based, it is not real. Concentrate on your present family. You owe it to them. What would you do and how would you feel if the situation was reversed and your wife wanted to leave you for an old boyfriend? You need to start thinking. Why did you ever
start anything with the 1st? You didn't have to.

Answer 9

Really dude you must like 50 years old. Aren't you even the least
embarrassed asking these kinds of questions. No forget about your past love and stay with your current wife. Come on dont be such a dumb a s s.

Answer 10

First you gotta find out if the 1st woman loves you as much. Coz if not, then why risk your relationship with our wife. If she does still love you, then go where your heart leads you, even if it means loving both women. Yeah its wrong but hey we only live once so might as well get the best of both worlds. You'll have a future if you can get the two ladies to get to know each other and maybe do a threesome.

Answer 11

I think you have a serious issue here. If you love your wife, you cannot hurt her by being in love with another woman. You owe it to her, to your children & to yourself to live your present life happily. There is no future for your relationship with your first love as she is married to someone else. what you people shared must have been wonderful, but it is past & you have moved on; so has she. Do not endanger your present. Your wife and her husband will get immensely hurt for loving you & your first love respectively. They do not deserve that.