Curiosity piqued by responses to Tera's Question: why do some men...?

Question

fear expressing their emotions? Some seem to have serious emotional constipation and think this is a GOOD THING: "DON'T/NEVER be emotional', Man should never be emotional...NEVER be emotional!" Display of appropriate emotion at appropriate times is a sign of GOOD mental health whereas 'flat affect' is a sign of POOR mental health. How do men manage to get so out of touch with themselves - still - in this day and age, and why?

Also: what can be done to help them?

Tera: you forgot to include "Narcissistic Personality Disorder".

Celtish - thanks for volunteering to be scorekeeper. It makes things so much easier.

Eric: you wrote "you are sexually attractive to men that are aholes and jerks that treat you poorly" - Sorry, but...hahahaha...you have GOT to be joking son! I am a grown woman of 46. You will learn - when you get older - that this is to a great extent a myth. As people mature they increasingly refuse to 'suffer fools gladly'; it's a fact of life. The 'girls' who do manage to fall into this trap will actually GROW UP and OUT of it. The 'bad boys' become embittered, wrinkled, divorced middleaged men with beer-bellies, bad combovers and manbreasts.

Gnu: as you grow older you will see how off-the-mark you have been on each and every cliche you have presented here. I hope anyway - for your sake - that you do.

ksoileau - go back to the maths section where you actually have something useful to contribute.

kendrick - follow ksoileau into the maths section.

Hopscotch: read a book.

celtish - try to read along. I didn't say that men aren't "just as emotional (and emphathic) as women" - rather, this questions concerns the healthy question of emotion. I didn't use the word 'empathy' anywhere. Only BEHAVIOR is observable - empathy is NOT because empathy is not a behavior.

Correction for above: the healthy EXPRESSION of emotion. I like the way you guys read things in that aren't there to begin with. Pay attention please.

Kumapub - yes. You are right. You are young and have no education in this area.

Answer 1

I cannot for the life of me understand how you feel justified in being so condescending to the very people you're asking about. You ask the question about men's ability or inability to express emotion--and presumably men know a little bit more about the whole issue than women--and then you insult their responses. Several men gave very cogent and thoughtful answers to this question and you summarily dismissed them with trite and ignorant comments. I'm sorry, but this type of thing has got to stop. If there is ever going to be any true understanding between men and women, there has to be some degree of respect for what each of us has to say. So "how do men manage to get so out of touch with themselves?" It seems very simple, given the belittling tone of your edits: you ask for them to tell you, and either don't like the answers or don't like them. I'm sorry if this offends you, but on behalf of the men that I happen to care about, I am deeply offended by your comments. I also don't think this kind of attitude does much to further the cause of women--and once again, I understand why men are increasingly irritated by feminism.

Answer 2

Just a thought here because I instinctively recognize a sandy quagmire when I see one and choose to hang on to my ten-foot pole. It's not that I mind eating humble pie, it's just that I prefer to eat it one slice at a time.

The question (?) starts off by mentioning the "expression of emotions". First off emotions cannot be un-expressed any more than our screams can be silent. Once an emotion exists, feels good or bad, it is already expressed, just like a thought. Matter of fact it could be said that an emotion is the result of a thought being expressed. The difference is that the emotion is riding on energy which is much faster in its vibrational rate or frequency. It is magnified.
So maybe "expressed out loud" or "visibly expressed" or "evidently expressed" or some such term might be in order.
Scholarly books are fine for scholars, that is precisely what they are put together for. There are other which are written by the "less inclined to be scholarly people" which are also recommendable on the subject of emotions. One such is "Ask And It Is Given" by Esther AND Jerry Hicks. A mere glance through one of their books or a short listen to their audio material would be enough to transform much of the negativety I observe here into a revolutionary better-tasting-pie. Apples and oranges just don't cut it in a pie recipe. That doesn't mean that apple pie is wrong. Right, I better not continue on this path, it could get me into a lot of trouble with the authorities. (slight fear of the paranoia type diffused, whew!) Must remember to do my wrist strengthening exercises.......sorry, where was I? No, this isn't an fof blog. Silly! Must be residue from one of those macho attacks on my character. Thank God/Goddess I woke up.
A little slow today, missed my 444 a.m. shock by a few second. Slipping. Adios amigos.

Answer 3

Generally speaking, males seem a little bit less emotionally sensitive, perhaps 'harder', in that males do not have an emotional response as early or as much as a Female. I think this exists at both biological level and social levels. I'd venture the extreme cases are when a combination of both occur at a high level. Socially isnt just what is taught, it is awareness of the role of the male throughout history which tends to make men think they need to be tough on the inside to handle things when they go bad. Emotion's dont seem useful in solving many problems to most men, so they try to shut them out.

Answer 4

the sheer reality is, no matter how much one 'nurtures' counsels or indoctrinates, a man who shows emotions in the same way a woman does faces scorn and ridicule by both women and men. Virtually no woman would find such behavior attractive, and virtually no man would value such a man as a peer.

some men do find ways to express emotion, but in private. We are not afforded the luxury of doing so in front of others, and I do not expect this to change no matter how many theories arise.

Answer 5

The reason why they bottle up all their emotions is because, whether their in the workforce or at school, they would be accused of being gay and/or a pussy. Then they'll get commands like "your a boy, crying is for girls" or "haha look at this wimp, what a f@g". Women think they are judged alot, but men are also harshly judged by the way they act or feel.

Answer 6

That is the way our society has indoctrinated men. Consider circumsion without anestesia for starters. It starts at birth and continues throughout life. If you could understand men suffer immensely because of this brainwashing ,you perhaps would feel empathy rather than being so critical, which is of no use whatsoever.
To be honest not every man is as you describe. Some courageous men after suffering enough from this delemna will risk their so called"manhood" to break out of this trap. Others literally will die, rather than share what is inside of themselves. This is why life expectancy for the average man is considerably shorter than for women.

Answer 7

It's not just some men, but some women are taught not to express their emotions as well.

Boys are still taught it's ok to show anger, girls are still suppose to be "nice".
Boys are told you shouldn't cry, girls are often told it's ok.
Boys are told to hide how they feel, girls are told it's ok, if they are not aggressive, angry, or if they don't show a "negative" emotion.

This gender specific crud has got to stop!
Why do so many of us have to spend so much time overcoming our training on how to be a "good" boy, or how to be a "good" girl?

I was abused physically by one of my parents--it didn't matter if I showed emotion or not, I was still hit. But after a while, I refused to show any emotion, since I despised so much the lack of control my parent displayed, who couldn't control their rage. I learned emotions were dangerous to express, because if you did, someone got hurt.

It's not just boys who learn not to show their emotions.

Answer 8

The reason men fear expressing too much emotion, or more specifically, fear expressing emotions stereotypically associated with femininity, is that they fear being labeled as weak or, worse, homosexual. Excessive displays of emotions are generally seen as feminine.

Example, a man displaying the emotion of anger, is perfectly acceptable, but a man crying, that's a cultural taboo.

I think they should find a happy medium, you don't have to melodramatic, or in contrast be a block of wood. Showing emotion is good, but too much, is just too much.

Tera, I disagree. Men commit more crime, because they are throughout their life encouraged to be aggressive and assertive. In addition to that, men are also more physically powerful than women. Women on the other hand are socially conditioned to be delicate, passive and non-aggressive.

Answer 9

Women do not find men that are honest about their emotions attractive. They do not want to hear about mens problems.
What I do not understand is why women are such liars about these things. You say all this but you are sexually attractive to men that are aholes and jerks that treat you poorly.
If you thought the guy you were with was about to dump you for another woman that he found more attractive, you would throw your self at him and do anything you can to get him in bed with you.
You would ever desire a man that showed his emotions. You would not be attracted to a man that was a nice guy. You would never take off your cloths and jump in bed with a gentleman.
Don't say otherwise. Don't lie!

PS
Hey Terra! I was at a rodeo when I was 10 . I saw a rodeo clown throw a barrel at a bull. The bull hit it twenty feet in to the air.
The reason why the bull was so much more violent than any cow I ever saw was not because it had trouble with his emotions.

Answer 10

again with the immature questions... stop oiling the hate machine,object and find something constructive to ask.

it's questions like this one that keep this forum full of ill feelings toward each other, as I don't see this question helping anyone!

again...imo

EDIT: from my perspective object, you are a women of 46 asking questions like a 16 year old...why? As you say "we will grow out of this" okay out of level headed debate and having compation for each other??? I think you grew into this as my mother and grandmother do not resmeble your hate and bitterness... please DO NOT spread your opinion as the rule and get off what ever fake, high horse you think you are on becuase it is poeple like you that set this world into back motion!

just a little 24 year old womens perspective, wtf do I know right?