I know someone that is seeing a married man that she knew in high school. 14 years later, he looks her up, contacts her even though he is married an has been for four years. he says he's not happy and he and his wife are not on the same page A LOT. he does everything he can for the "mistress." Always there for her in any way he can be. They have long daily conversations, and so forth and so on. But, he says he's not planning to leave his wife. What's his point?
2007-10-22 17:04:42 · 23 answers · asked by ana c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The point is they have a bond(the Mistress & The Married Man).I don't think it is a good idea to cheat(Be truthful in a relationship)He still loves his wife but is not en love with her.
2007-10-22 17:14:07 · answer #1 · answered by smartone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's having his cake and eating it too. If he has both, then he's got the mistress around when his wife isn't, and his wife around when his mistress isn't.
I know someone who is unhappily married too, and he says the reason he won't get a divorce because he doesn't want to be another statistic. He also thinks that he would be a failure for getting divorce and he thinks that its his own fault for being unhappy. Maybe the guy thinks the same way, or maybe he just wants to see if he can have both.
The best thing you can do is tell the mistress to talk to the guy and say "Okay, look. I am not going to be your second. If you don't leave your wife to be with me, then I'm sorry, we can't be together, because if you don't leave her, then obviously you still care about her and not enough about me to leave."
2007-10-22 17:17:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that mistress missed Oprah friday! LOL.. in all seriousness no judgement. but let me ask this question. Did the mistress ever think that he really is just saying that he is unhappy so that he can have his cake and icecream at the same time? I think if the man was that unhappy with his wife he would leave his wife. Because him staying is hurting her and the wife. He is the only one being completely satisfied. The more important question is why does mistress think that she deserves to second to the wife? If you love me prove it to me and put me first, after GOD of course. and I will do the same for you. Women we have to learn to see through the lies...The mistress needs to think about this as well, if he were any kind of man he would tell his wife that he is unhappy, if mine were unhappy with ME telling you would not help the situation, tell me so that I can try to change the situation. Work on our marriage with me since I am the other party involved, I mean its clear you have no plans to leave, so lets make it work. Why look outside their marriage for instant gratification with some hoochie, because thats more pain and drama. But I believe that is easier for him. And it sounds like your friend was the perfect candidate, she seems to buy anything. I mean here she repeating how unhappy this mans marriage is without looking at the whole puzzle. I mean what is his role in the that marriage being unhappy (if it is unhappy) Hell if my husband were cheating on me I'd be unhappy too.
2007-10-22 17:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no point. He's using you. He looked you up because he wanted a fling and he isn't getting much from his spouse. He isn't going to leave his wife. If there was a shadow of hope, he would never have said this. It's as simple as that. I know several married men who have done this to the LETTER! They look them up and have a fling. I knew my boyfriend in high school but we got together again AFTER he was divorced. I didn't give him the time of day, until he was. Of course this guy treats you well; he's getting AN AFFAIR! Of course you have long daily conversations. THAT'S PART OF THE AFFAIR! There is no point. You deserve someone who's worth your time because you're wasting it on this guy who has stated unequivocally that he is in fact never going to leave his wife. I wish you the best.
2007-10-22 20:39:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably lying about not being on the same page. Why would he stay if that were true. He is having the best of both worlds. Men always (woman too) give a lot of reason why they cannot leave and they are usually not true. I bet that he doesn't sleep with her either? That also is not true. There is not point for her to be there. Tell her to get her own man. She is going to get hurt.
2007-10-22 17:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His point is he has a sex partner on the side who will take what little he offers without complaining too much. He sees it as a friendly little business deal. He's there when she needs him, she's there when he needs her. Generally speaking, when a man says "my wife doesn't understand me" the real problem is that she DOES understand him. What he gets from your friend is sex and a partner that sees him as more special then he really is. If she ever sees through the false image of the knight in shining armor he is trying to project either she will end it or he will.
2007-10-22 17:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
His point is - he gets to bang two women and both of them are too dumb to dump him.
Of course he's going to tell his mistress that he's unhappy with his marriage, he feeds on the sympathy that she gives this "poor misunderstood man" and it keeps her from paying attention to the fact that she's always going to be second fiddle to his wife - because he LIES to her and tells her she's special so she'll stick around for table scraps.
He's a user and a scum, and if your friend had an ounce of self-respect, she'd dump his butt and go find a man that she can actually have a complete relationship with.
2007-10-22 17:26:48 · answer #7 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the best answers, search on this site https://shorturl.im/T6jJr
Aww hunni every married man getting some on the side tells his lover that he is going to leave his wife...the truth is they never do and never intend to. He wants the stability of marriage with the excitement of an affair. If you don't want to have an abortion then have the baby and make him pay child support. I wish you the best, congrats on the pregnancy.
2016-04-01 05:30:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's selfish and wants the best of both worlds. whats sad about it is that he doesn't really care about either of the women.
What kind of woman is the mistress doing what she's doing knowing that he's married? She should feel ashamed of herself. If she had any respect for herself she would tell him that she will not see him until he gets a divorce. I hope there's no kids involved.
2007-10-22 17:11:54 · answer #9 · answered by TM25 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's not unhappy in his marriage, don't you already know that? He just says he's unhappy so your friend -and you- feel sorry for him and put up with his s.h.i.t. just like his wife does. Some women are soooo naive! He's getting phone sex for free- amongst other things, I'm sure- and a hot meal waiting for him at home. He's a smart guy and the women around him are fools...
2007-10-22 17:20:41 · answer #10 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋