Its hard to keep the bills paid because he will blow his whole 900 dollar paycheck in 2days!! then he lies when he says he sends me money for the bills and i can check and see he didnt!! we arent even married yet is this a sign???
2007-10-22 17:02:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your future husband is like a six year old child who is scared of telling the truth because they don't want to "get caught" doing something they know is wrong so they will lie.
Is this a sign? Yes.
It is a sign that your future husband is NOT responsible enough when it comes to financial matters? Yes.
It is a sign that your future husband will LIE to you to avoid getting into trouble with you? Yes
It is a sign that your future husband feels that HE is the priority in the relationship and not you? Yes
It is a sign that your future husband might not be your "future" husband? Yes.
Money and financial issues are a huge strain on relationships and are a prime reason for divorce. You two aren't even out of the gate and you have this disagreement.
This is a Lose-Lose situation. If you confront him about it - he might leave.
If you do not confront him about it - he will continue his ways.
You need to be prepared to go either way on this one.
The turning point of course is if he is willing to LISTEN to your concerns and to STOP his erratic behaviour. Spending $900 in 2 days means he is not thinking about the future which in turn means he's probably not thinking about you and will leave the "bill paying" to you.
Not a very good sign.
Life is too short to be swamped in crap like this before you even hit the aisle.
Good luck.
2007-10-22 17:28:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pay attention to the signs, a lot of times as women we are so in love we put on the blinders. If this is how it is now, what is marriage going to change?. Talk to him and work your issues out before you take the step to marriage. Trust is a major issue and if he has no self control with his money what happens when it's both of yours money. Keeping bills paid is a major thing it is not about control it is a matter of survival and blowing 900.00 in 2 days is a lot. Please get counseling before marriage, and make sure you guys are on the same page as far as your goals and wants for the future. Hopefully you will get things resolved, but if nothing changes then I'd say don't take the plunge or you will be setting yourself up for future problems.
2007-10-23 02:03:54 · answer #2 · answered by free 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t think it’s the ‘lies’ that really bother you (if he told you the truth I'm willing to bet you wouldn't just happily accept that and not be upset over it). What's really bothering you is the lack of financial responsibility. Now, that would bother me too, but you need to be honest about what the real problem is, especially when addressing issues with HIM.
The reason he lies is either (1) he doesn’t want to hear you complain and he’s trying to avoid an argument (2) he doesn’t feel the need to explain it to you, because it’s *his* money
Do I think he will magically change after you get married? It’s *very unlikely*. He won’t change until HE wants to change, and it may be YEARS down the road before that happens.
Could *I* put up with a husband who constantly blows all his money and leaves me scrambling to pay the bills? No. And in all likelihood, you won’t be able to put up with it either. It will get old real fast (and it sounds like it already is old).
2007-10-23 00:41:44 · answer #3 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is!!!!!!!! If he lies saying he sent money for you to pay the bill how in the world once your living together is your bills going to get paid? Can you live with that fear every month of being homeless because your not sure if he's going to pay the bills?
He needs to grow up. Is he supporting another family or what? The money's going somewhere and if he's hiding it than it has to be something wrong or bad that's he's using it for; gambling, prostitute's, etc.
2007-10-23 00:16:20 · answer #4 · answered by TM25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i know what you mean the lies can get to you and lead you to not trust him. So i really think you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you are feeling and remind him that you dont mind if he spends the money but we have to pay the bills first and then go crazy on the left over money if you want to and if i wanna know what the money is spent on dont lie to me just be honest as where are we going to get if our realationship is full of lies and dishonesty and eventually no trust as i will eventually be unable to trust what you say bc you are constantly lieing to me.
2007-10-23 00:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is a sign that you need to heed. He is a liar and he only cares about himself. He does not care that you need to pay the bills. This is a preview of what life will be like with him. What does he spend the money on? That is another sign. Is he into drugs or hookers? I would get out now. Find someone that loves you and cares about your well being.This one does not. Good luck dear.
2007-10-23 00:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!! This isn't a sign this automatic deal breaker. I know you love him, but this will escalate after you say I do. Do pass go! Do not collect $200.00 UNLESS you are okay with being the bread winner and responsible party for your family. And keep in mind if he is that careless about his lies what else does that tell you? Does he even care that the lies is a poor lie? And what else are you lying about?
2007-10-23 00:34:30 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie you and him better seek some pre marital counseling before you jump that broom. he is giving you NOW all the tell tell sign that he is IRRESPONSIBLE, INCONSIDERATE, and just DONT CARE about you and the finances. sweetie leave while there is nothing to fight over. this man is not ready for the responsibility of a marriage, a family, and bills. he wants to continue to live as a single man blowing money and lying about it. leave him alone he is not ready and you will be setting yourself up for failure if you proceed to try to make him into something that he is clearly not. which is a MAN. GodBless
2007-10-23 00:29:43 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it a sign? yes it is a red flag. many churches make couples attend premarital counseling for exactly this reason. there are few more miserable things than being mismatched when it comes to money and responsibility with it. and counseling can bring this up and make you see the situation clearly. then it is up to you. do you want to be with someone who has no respect for money and how it is spent? ball is in your court.
2007-10-23 00:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You need to make it clear just how big of a red flag this is for you and tell him things need to change. If they don't, then ask yourself if you can put up with that kind of bs for the rest of your life. In the end you can only do whats best for you.
2007-10-23 00:10:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋