Should I get back with my EX?

Question

I've been divorced from my ex-husband for a year already, I do have another boyfriend, and he is very,very, good to me, and my children. The thing is, I keep thinking about my ex. I know that I still love him, and I really miss him and the things we used to do as a family. It just didn't work out between us because he was too tight w/money, and he flirted too much in front of me, I can just imagine what he did behind my back. He was a touchy, touchy, huggy, huggy, person. And he flirted sooo much, he knew how uncomfortable that made me, however, he said that I knew how he was when we met.
We were together for 12 years, and we have 3 children together, please help, I get sooo confused, that I really do miss him, then he just really pisses me off sometimes!!
Please help!

Answer 1

It's ashame you guys (I assume) didn't get any counseling to work out these issues before you divorced because it sounds like they were issues you could have at least attempted to work out. However, now that you are divorced, you aren't around him all the time as you once were and you are more inclined to remember the good times and try to ignore the bad ones and how they made you feel and affected your daily life. If he was that inconsiderate about your feelings before, he is not likely to have changed simply because you all divorced, and if you try to work things out, you will be confronted with the same issues and same man you divorced. Plus, keep in mind that you would be giving up a great relationship you already have. Maybe if things didnt work out in the current relationship, you could SLOWLY see how things work with your ex...but I wouldn't drop the current guy for an old dud.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There is a reason he is an EX. He doesn't sound like he was that great of a husband given your description. More than likely it is your maternal bond that has you missing him, not your former marital bond. Now that you are divorced, you have to be strong for the kids and put the marriage behind you. Stop thinking about all those good times you had with him and start looking at it as a business relationship. You should only interact with him when it directly affects the children and nothing else. It sounds like you have found a pretty good guy now, if you aren't careful you will lose him. Besides, it takes a long time to get over a divorce.

Answer 4

I think that you divorced him for a reason. And you need to think about that before you go jumping head first backwards in time. Personally, I try to go forward not backwards. But let me ask you this. Although you love him what makes you think that hes has changed his ways? and why couldn't he change them before the divorce? What happens if you get back with him and he does the same thing, will you leave him again or just stick it out? I am asking this because clearly these were big issues, they may not have been the sole reason for the divorce but they probably played a role. So before you leave this good man who respects you and your children for someone that may or may not change his ways I think you better think twice. From you post it doesn't even sound like he is promising that he has changed or will change, it just sounds like a case someone missing the well water because the fountain is all dried up.

Answer 5

A husband who pisses off his wife is a husband who is living up to his standards! *LOL* If he was unwilling to change his attitudes for you back then, do you think he would be willing to do that now, or do you think that you would just be able to better tolerate it now that you want him back? What makes you think that it would be so different this time around?

Yes, your boyfriend now treats you wonderfully, but he's not the father of your children. I think you just might be fantasizing about what it might be like to have your ex back. Part of me thinks you should give it another chance...but only if you're REALLY serious about making your marriage work this time around.

Just because a guy flirts with women in public doesn't necessarily mean that he's doing worse behind your back. On the other hand, I HATE it when my husband looks at other women in front of me, so I can only imagine how you felt when he flirted with women in front of you!!! I think that if you were to even entertain the idea of getting back with him, the two of you would have to go through a lot of counseling to see if you could find some sort of middle ground. Okay, so he can flirt, but only when you're not around to view it, and only if the women mean nothing to him. It can't be his Assistant at work who does everything for him already--he might form too close a relationship with her. Not with your friends because that would just kill you. Things like that.

I think you should give it a chance for the sake of the kids, but like I said, only if you're truely serious about staying with all his bad habits. He's right that you knew how he was when you met him. We women tend to think that we can change men, when sadly we cannot. If it's more than you're willing to deal with, don't even think about getting back with him!

Answer 6

Think about why you divorced him in the first place... there must have been a lot of reasons for you to do that...

If your ex-husband flirted so much knowing how uncomfortable it was for you... then obviously he doesn't repect you as much as he should...

Anyway, your boyfriend is very very good to you and your children.. that's all that matters... just stay with him and stop thinking about your ex... He's not worth it!

And about missing your ex... I think it's just a phase that you're going through... you'll get over it soon!

Answer 7

Do you really love your ex or do you love what you wish he would be? He is not going to change so you need to think long and hard about why you divorced. Remember how he flirted. Think of what he was doing behind your back. I have very little faith that going backwards ever works well. Be careful!!

Answer 8

when you think about the ex, you are thinking of the way it was in the beginning, the things you saw in him, but then he showed you how he really was and the result was a divorce. The fact that he still pisses you off sometimes shows that he hasn't changed but it was a blow to his ego when you left so he will be whatever you want to get you under his spell, under his control again. Stick with the new guy. Remember, fool me once, shame on you! fool me twice, shame on me!!

Answer 9

Do you really want to take the advice of people you don't know on a matter as serious as this?

If you do, here's what I got for you.

In most situations like this, people usually already know what they want to do when they ask someone else for advice. Hearing someone else's experience's should have know influence on your life, because different people equals different chemistry.

Do what you already know is right for yourself as-well-as your children. Life is so short, I would advise you not delaying to act on something that you want or think you may need.


Good Luck

Answer 10

move on with the new boyfriend. You're not going to change the mutt ! He wouldn't even change for his own children....so, instead of teaching your children that it's okay to act like Dad, set an example. Show them how to be strong. Saying that you knew how he was when you met him, is such a lame EXCUSE. ( I bet his mama says the same thing.)