Does he have a reason to be jealous?

Question

I am married and my husband has heard how one of my co workers behaves around me. Ex: He touches my nose with a paper just playing around, pushes me, stares with a smile and textes work related questions (not too often) when I'm off and always likes to know who I'm chating with in the computer. I think he's just playful but my husband thinks he wants something. Do you think my husband is right in getting upset even when I am not the one playing around? My husband used to work here and has friends who tell him how the guy acts

Answer 1

The guy wants more and in most places what he is doing is classified as sexual harrasment..
But you are tollerating it and your husband has every right to be jealous.... Good luck and tell the guy to back off. Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 2

"If you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem."
My husband was being flirted with at work at one point and he had the same view as you. I had to remind him that while I trust him completely, he has to recognize that by not making it explicit that he was seriously taken, he was inadvertantly sending the wrong message. We were all well aware of what her intentions were in this case however.
As for your case, you're not sure whether "Bob" is flirting or simply being a playful friend. I'd take note of how he interacts with other women. I wouldn't worry about the text messaging if it really is always work related - so long as it sticks to being that. The wanting to know who you're chatting with is almost more creepy than flirty (personally) but the one that mostly shows interest is the smiley stares. The other two can be flirtatious or playful depending on the person.
If possible I'd try to find opportunities to have him around you when your husband is also there. Does he continue this behavior even in front of your husband (most people would inhibit flirtatious behavior a great deal and only inhibit playful behavior a small amount)? Let your husband in on it and say that you'd hate to lose a good friend if he really isn't trying to flirt, but that you respect his concern and would like to find out whether "Bob" really does need to be duly informed of his role in your life. Your husband should be able to respect your approach. You'll both be able to talk about which situation really is the case.
It doesn't sound like those are behaviors that your husband would do outside of the context of flirting, and therefore he does have reason to be jealous. You must recognize that he will interpret those behaviors from his own perception (that they are flirtatious). Also, if his friends are telling him, then realize that that is an indicator to him that his friends are concerned that "Bob's" behavior might mean something.

Just remember, if it turns out Bob is flirting, then you need to stand up for your relationship and tell "Bob" to move on. And if it turns out that is just who he is, then don't tell your husband "told you so." Rather, tell him how special and loved you feel that he doesn't want to share you :) and that you're glad he respects you enough to be honest about his feelings/fears.

Answer 3

Jealousy is a tough issue. Do a role reversal: what if a co-worker of your husband's was doing the same things to him? Would you mind? Would it piss you off? Would it send off warning signals? First, your trust in each other must be implicit for without trust there really is not a good relationship. If you still are madly in love with your husband and realize that by reversing the situation you would not be too happy either, then you need to kindly, yet firmly, tell your co-worker that you enjoy having him as a "friend" but that your relationship needs to be on a more "professional" level and that you feel it is inappropriate to text you after hours (unless it is IMPLICITLY a work related EMERGENCY that can't wait until the next work day). Also tell him that you are uncomfortable with him asking you who YOU are chatting with online, because (honestly) it makes HIM sound like a jealous lover that is checking up on you. Explain that you are happily married and wish to remain so and anything that may hurt your spouse's feelings are off-limits and that you would expect that he would be the same way if HE were a married man. Ask for his respect in this issue. That said, if it continues go to your supervisor. If that doesn't work go to your HR specialist or EEO officer and file an official complaint. If you welcome your co-workers advances and flirtations....get a divorce. This requires some soul-searching that is too high up for any mere Yahoo mortal to answer. Good luck, sweetie! :)

Answer 4

I agree with the husband on this one, this sounds like flirting vs playing around. SO yes I think that you want to be careful that this doesn't lead to something else. Have you tried looking at it from his perspective. What if an attractive woman was hanging around your husband alot at the office, calling him or texting him on his off days, always asking him to come over to her house to fix things and etc. How would you feel? If you believe that it honestly wouldn't bother you. I think that your one of a kind bc most people would have an issue. Remember most cheating doesn't happen all of a sudden its an on going relationship that just evolves. Not to say that you would bc you don't seem like your headed in that direction but you never know what the OTHER person motives are.

Answer 5

I think your husband has a right to be concerned. This guy is pushing the limits and needs to back off. I am a married woman and if a man was acting like this around me, I would either tell him to back off or avoid him all I could. He should not be texting you at home. I'm sure you are flattered by his attention, but you need to stop this. I'm with your husband on this one.

Answer 6

Let's put it this way, would you be jealous if you saw or heard of a woman acting this way with him? If you think he is just playful, you are either being a little naive or you really like the attention. You may not be the one who overtly initiates the playfulness, but if you haven't asked him to cool it then you may as well be the one initiating. And your husband is right, he does want something. Even if it isn't something physical he wants, he wants something. If he just wants an emotional or intimate connection, that's still something.

Answer 7

in my point of view...

see if your co worker do the same in with your other co-workers, what i mean is to another lady at the office or at your work...

obviously all guys act stupid if she likes the girl... if i am your husband, how come you can be closed to a guy if your already married.. maybe a long time friend.. but its pure stupidity... what? you'll goin to act like a child and be playful around.. while your husband watches you.. think about it..

Does he have the reason to be jealous?
The only one who can answer this question is YOU!!

sorry about my english.. am a Filipino :D...
blessed be...

Answer 8

First of all...Your husband doesn't have to trust anyone, except you. If he is jealous of this guy then he does not trust you. As long as he trusts you then he should not have a problem with some guy being friendly or even mildly flirting with you. Just make sure you are not doing anything to make your husband think something else is going on.
Second...If the relationship between you and this guy is straining your relationship with your husband then you need to tell this guy to leave you alone. Be diplomatic about it. You can still be friends, he just needs to cool it with the flirtations.
Most important...What is more important to you...your husband or this guy?

Answer 9

He is trying to come between you and your husband and you will need to tell him that your husband doesn't like that and he has to quit playing around or your husband is going to inform his supervisor, and if he keeps on, inform your supervisor. It is not fair to your husband to let this continue, and it is not fair to the employer to have this guy doing that instead of the work he was hired to do. You would not like it if your husband was doing this to another woman and this is simply a case of the shoe on the other foot. Put a stop to that before it hurts your marriage.

Answer 10

if others that know your hubby feel the need to tell him, its probably cause they see something. You mean nothing by it, but that does not mean the same for him. He may just be playing around, but there should be a boundary especially if he knows your married. He may be flirting with you and because you don't think like that, you dismiss it. Be careful around this man, set some guidelines, that way you both know its not going to go anywhere and your hubby is happy!