I committed an adultery 2 years ago which I regretted very much.Though my hubby has forgiven me, we still have problems in the sexual realm.It has been a great struggle for me as he loves me very much but I don't.I wish someone can help me with this one-sided relationship.It has become a phobia for me when he asks for sex.I really have no desire for that with him yet I feel so guilty for not fulfiling my role as a wife.Every minute of sex with him is such an ordeal to me as I have no feelings for him at all.I am depressed and trapped.Yet, I know I cannot divorce.He would never agree to that.Please help.
2007-10-22 15:37:56 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you live in the U.S., then you are giving us a fake reason for not getting divorced. That is no big deal, the big deal is you are giving yourself a fake reason. He doesn't have to agree to it. Do a favour to both of yourselves and move out.
Sorry for sounding so blunt, but you might be giving this fake reason because you don't want to go through the painful process of divorce.
I gave myself some fake reasons to not get divorced that cost me and my ex-wife almost two years of wasted time.
2007-10-22 15:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by Eratosthenes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him, so there must have been sexual attraction in the beginning. What do you think spoiled that? You're the one who committed adultery, and yet he forgave you. So I can't understand what turned you off him, when it could have been the other way around. I would suggest that you consider marriage counseling. Or maybe you should see your doctor to see if there is some physical reason why you don't enjoy sex with the man you married. Maybe it's a deep-seated guilt complex. I'm not a psychologist, but it seems there's more to this than what's on the surface. I hope you will get some help to make your marriage more tolerable. He seems like a good man if he can forgive your past indiscretion, so your marriage might just be worth saving. You deserve happiness, so try to recapture what it was that attracted you to your husband in the first place. Good luck!
2007-10-22 16:06:13 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm no longer a expert, yet those replies you have been getting are nuts and you ought to use a intense answer. there are a number of factors in a marriage that furnish fulfillment; intercourse, emotion & stability to call some. in many cases this is maximum persons of those being met that we'd desire to marry. there have been motives to procure with this guy and bared infants that have escaped. i might attempt to discover what those issues have been and why you have become them someplace else, a minimum of the the youngster's sake. Love can wander off interior the hum-drum of existence and make issues uninteresting and undesirable. circumstances replace human beings over the years and this is irreversible. yet, it somewhat is in many cases properly worth a attempt to discover what it develop into that develop into there interior the 1st place. You mentioned the kin existence develop into fantastic, so which you're the two no longer happy on account which you're actually not getting you fix on intercourse or merely wanting the sensation of being needed. Are you grossed-out via him from ageing and letting himself bypass or is it that he under no circumstances adjustments? in case you propose to furnish it a bypass, you gotta pin-factor what you extremely need if this is merely you this is drifting away. What kinda Love did you have for this guy earlier? you have had 8 different flings and located some thing in one among them this is lasted 7 months. I see greater suitable than basically a sexual choose lost here.
2016-10-04 09:46:37 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not alone, im in a similar situation. if u do actually wnat to leave...... then leave, check the laws out in your area, here, if you are separted and living separetely for 2 yrs, and u can proove it, you dont need him to sign anything.
you could contact local halth organissations to see if they can help iwht some counselling, here you can get free ones, but often you have to meet criteria, so u have to ask around, ask ur doctor.
is there kids involved? if not leave. otherwise try to work out our feelings. sometime time away may help, stay at a friends/ a relatives/ go to some sort of retreat jut for a week or so so u can think clearly.
good luck
2007-10-22 15:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by ozzi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
was your sex life the reason why you committed adultery in the first place? sounds like you may have a lot of pent up emotions that your not facing and are holding on to him for personal reasons. do you truly love your husband? if so, then definitely assess whether your marriage is worth saving and want routes you must take to save it. denying him a sex life and proper relationship with you is selfish even if he sucks in bed and you just need his financial or whatever support. counseling definitely sounds like a good place to start if your going to stick with him, otherwise it seems only fair to let him go.
2007-10-22 15:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by correct2b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a tough one,Have you ruled out the medical side of it?If your not inlove with him than you have no choice but to get a D,You can just hope things get better they won't if your not attracted to him sexually.You can't punish yourself for something you can't give.An you nailed it on the head it's a one-sided relationship and is it really fair to him,weather he loves you or not it might be the kindest thing you can do is get out.
2007-10-22 15:46:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should see a sex therapist. If you feel guilty about committing adultery, you must have some feelings for him. Maybe a therapist can help you find sex with your husband more enjoyable.
2007-10-22 15:44:36 · answer #7 · answered by Natsumi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well best thing to do is just leave and get separted and not get divorced. That way you won't ahve to be where you don't want to be. But ujust go to a shrink first because it might be your subconscious messing with you but talking it out might help alot.
2007-10-22 15:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are tortuning yourself and him as well. Do you want both of you to continues living in this miserable life? For another 50 years?
You don't need his agreement to file for a separation. And both of you can divorce after three years of separation. Stop torture yourself, and also give him a new life.
2007-10-22 19:41:42 · answer #9 · answered by Tan D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether he wants it or not, if your not willing to be something, your automatically a failure at it. Why did you cheat? What is he doing wrong? He should have kicked you to the curb evil slimeball, not hung onto you. Do the first right thing in your life and divorce him now.
2007-10-22 17:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋