Does he stand a chance of winning? Missouri Custody?

Question

My new military spouse has order to move out-of-state. I'm in the process of informing my ex-husband of our move. We have 3 children. He was fine with it a year ago when we divorced and signed the decree saying that I could remove the kids out of state. Now he says I am not leaving the state with our kids. The kids are ages 4,6 & 8 and they have been with me since day one. He says that he will get custody or at least 50/50 (which he says is me giving him the kids all school year and me taking them in the summer, doesn't sound like 50/50 to me). He said that he will take a loan out and pay whatever it takes to win. My kids love him but all three want to stay with me. Plus his wife has custody of her two kids, so my kids would have to adjust to living with them. There are no other kids in our household. Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Can anyone give me advice? Is there anything that I should know to watch out for or do to ensure the kids will stay with me?

Yes, he did agree to it in our divorce decree. He is just changing his tune now because he knows how important it is for me to move with my new husband and how imporant it is for me to take my children with me. I have agreed to work out a visitation plan that will even be better for him, but he still won't agree. He even sent me an e-mail asking if I would agree to just giving him our children. He likes to threaten all the time. I have to deal with things like his ringback tone which tells me he hates everything about me and that he is better off without me, stuff like that. The bad part is...my kids have to hear it when they call him. How do they know it's not directed toward them? That is besides my point , but it just goes to show what we have to put up with. I do have a lawyer. I'm just lookig for common people that may have been faced with this same sort of thing.

Answer 1

There are some states that have an "initiative" to make up for past mistakes and are now father friendly more than half the time. In their view, parents share 50-50 custody, with no child support and no alimony awarded. Dad has the kids from after school on Friday until school on Monday and this, by some miraculous formula, is seen as "equal time". Mom is responsible for childcare Monday through the end of school on Friday, so guess who gets to take off work if one or more of the children is sick? And unless mom has a really excellent attorney, guess who gets to foot the bill for childcare until the child is full time school age? I do believe that ANY parent can contest an out of state move at any time, without prejudice, and the courts WILL take the wishes of both the parents AND the children into account. The courts will also look at who has historically taken the most care of the children, and the most responsibility for their needs and care. I am not from Missouri, and so cannot comment on the policies and precedents in that state. There is, however, a national movement towards a more equitable way of dividing up children's times with their parents, and there is a national move towards more father's rights and more fathers being awarded full custody of their children. I would bring to the court written and notarized copies of the children's shot records and medical records showing who brought them to the Dr.'s and when. If he has missed parent/teacher conferences, I would show that. If he has not shown at kids' games and sporting events and activities like scouting, I would get a letter from their coaches and scout masters to that effect. If he has been late to pick them up for visitation or no-showed, note the incident(s), the date(s) and the time(s) w/ a brief narrative of what occurred or didn't and its effect on the children. If you've bought all their clothing and food, produce receipts to that effect. Produce receipts for toys, books, coats, shoes, boots, sporting good, afterschool activities, Christmas and birthday gifts, food, clothing, shelter, diapers, wipes, baby equipment, medicines, etc. etc.etc. and SHOW (don't tell) the court who has provided the bulk of the children's care and upkeep, especially if he has not held up his end. At somewhere between $250-$650/hr., he will soon find NOT negotiating or mediating with you is a stupid waste of money, but it's his money to waste (or so he thinks...). As we both know, this is money that could easily have been spent on the children, and not on lawyers. Sometimes a parent will behave like this because the thought of his or her children being so far away really and truly scares them. Sometimes it is just an attempt to control the mom and limit her freedom and mobility. A good judge will usually be able to see which, and quickly. If you can assure him that you are quite willing to see that he has the children in the summer if you do move away, this could possibly help him to come to a more amicable agreement. Exactly how far away are you planning to go? (From where to where?) Custody battles like this can get REALLY nasty. If you can show the courts, that you have a) tried to mediate this situation, and tried to work it out, and b) are more than willing to take his rights as father into consideration, you will come out looking reasonable and amicable to the courts. Do not, however, be a doormat, nor should you give more than 50%. Usually each person must give up something in a compromise to get to a better place as a group. It is NOT in your financial or time or emotional and mental health best interests to spend a lot of time battling. It is also not in the childrens' best interests for there to be warfare and battling. The questions you MUST ask yourself are these: 1) What do my children and I most need in this situation? 2) What is in our best interests? 3) What am I willing to settle for and what am I not willing to settle for? 4) Is there any way of working this situation out that would be less expensive, or more expedient or just better for all of us, or most of us? 5) Is there anything we haven't thought of here, something we've missed, like maybe a signed agreement that says when your new husband's tour of duty is over, that you will move back to the state you currently live in, or within a day's drive of it. 6) Without knowing your past, I would strongly caution you that if there is anything you need to clean up, that you clean it up immediately, before this all ever goes to court. Ie, if you smoke, quit. If the kids aren't fully immunized, or if they need haircuts, new clothes, new shoes, new coats, go get them. If the house needs cleaning, or if there's anything out of order with your car, get it taken care of. These custody things can get really ugly, and sometimes you just have NO idea of how an ex can be until you actually get into court with them. You'd be amazed at how low the blows can be and how incredibly hurtful and painful and violating the entire experience can be. I also recommend that a) you get yourself a lawyer, especially if he has one, and b) that you don't read the court papers if you can help it. Have your attorney read them and then file them away. The allegations and accusations can get to be completely outrageous, and it is so incredibly hurtful to have to read them sometimes. Cushion yourself, and prepare yourselves in whatever way you can. Because it is the military telling you you have to move, the judge should look at this without prejudice. It's NOT like you have a choice, but you may be asked if staying where you are while your husband is out of the country is at all a possibility. Because your children ARE so very young, I am sure it is extremely distressful for you to look at losing them during the entire school year. If you have two boys or more however, I would NOT at all be surprised if someday it were to occur that your husband were awarded them during whatever part of the year he preferred. And yes the courts will and should take into account the financial burdens of both households, as well as the incomes. No one can tell you what will occur, as there are so incredibly many variables, but I think it would a grievous error for you to assume that just because you're mom, you will be given custody of the children. That is increasingly NOT occurring anymore, and ultimately, that is an okay thing because it was an example of gender bias. I know that doesn't make you or any mom feel any better, but I have known several children who have grown up with dad, and they're for the most part in great shape. Their birthmoms aren't, but the kids definitely are.

Answer 2

Honestly what the judge is going to look at is both households, who's been the main support for the children, what the original divorce decree decided, and hopefully take in consideration what the children want...(though most states usually wait to really consider till a child is 12 or so...if it's unanimous amongst the children...it's better)

But basically unless you Ex can prove you unfit...he doesn't have a real fat chance of winning this "50/50" you explained. I think he's just pissed that your moving. More than likely a judge might make you pay half of his visitation expenses if any changes at all.

You should remind him of what doing this is going to do to the kids...

And sadly if it comes down to it "go to the mattresses."

Good Luck...keep your wits...get leal advice...period and know your rights for your state!!!

Answer 3

I'm sure you would need proof by providing pictures if possible, unless she will admit it. I really doubt they would ask a four year old if he saw that. I agree men don't have much of a chance as a rule, and that needs to change. If you have custody now, doesn't she need to try and get him back? I would say that is a plus for you, because she would need to appear in court possibly to request custody. That would be the time your lawyer would be able to tell your story to the judge, and just maybe she won't deny it. Any mother who would do that in front of a four year old should not have custody in my opinion.

Answer 4

If you already have a written or verbal agreement & can substantiate the move as necessary, and can improve the kids' life & environment, then he won't get custody. Unless you're moving out of US, the Judge will probably Order that you pay transportation because you're moving, for visitation. It is usually, summers & alternating Xmas & Easter, with him having the option to come visit the kids, once monthly, so long as it doesn't interfere with school and schedules. If you have custody now, no judge is gonna take them away from you to give to dad because he wants it and will pay for it. I suggest you start the paperwork before he get's a chance. It's worth the $$ to be first, before lies & motion's take over.

Answer 5

According to what you're saying, the final divorce and child custody settlement was signed and sealed a year ago and he was fine with moving then?

It's time to visit a lawyer and tell them what you've said here, it sounds like it might be a stretch, but he could cause problems. He can revisit the custody agreement, but taking them away from you is not happening.

Answer 6

if he signed it a year ago it.s still in force no you dont have nothing really to worry about it is in your legal decree in your divorce. stop worring he cant do nothing. my honest opion?

Answer 7

leave before he gets it to court
i doubt that he does this...it is costly and it sounds like he is just trying to 'get your goat'

Answer 8

im so srry, i dunno no anything bout it. but he already signed the contract rite? so maybe he's not allowed to take them anymor.