&& Can you write an amusing story that includes 6 of these phrases?

Question

1. Sure, let's move to L.A..........Why not? Sunny can act, Matt can paint, and I can find some other lousy job I hate.
2. Of course I'm upset! This song could make Will Rogers punch a nun.
3. A strangely familiar, yet utterly wicked tale.
4. Oh, yeah......THAT'LL work......You idiot.
5. There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
6. I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding! Hey! Are you even listening?
7. I was in a deep,deep sleep - I was dreaming of Sunshine and MattBaby __________.
8. There's nothing wrong with you that a little Valium and a baseball bat can't fix.
9. 'Neat' ? What are you, 11 years old?
10. Proveable how? From gypsies?

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Answer 1

I was in a deep,deep sleep - I was dreaming of Sunshine and MattBaby ropin’ up some doggies at the ranch, then runnin’ the Miles Gang out of town. A strangely familiar, yet utterly wicked tale as we all know the Miles Gang are notorious for leaving half-eaten donuts in the breakroom.

That’s when Nurse Wotchet woke me up. It was time for my sleeping pills.

“There's nothing wrong with you that a little Valium and a baseball bat can't fix,” she said, splashing the bottle’s contents in my face then wacking me on the noggin with the Slugger. If not for her rapturous beauty and beguiling green eyes, I’d complain to the superintendent. The world went to black once more, save for a few stars.

When I recovered, I was behind the steering wheel of a polka-dotted Humvee, and driving quite poorly.

“Oh yeah, THAT’LL work…..you idiot!”

I turned and saw Colonel Kooky and Major Mishap sitting next to me, spraying seltzer on each other and the cheering audience at the USO comedy show. Damn that Nurse Wotchet! She knocked me cold and signed me up for the Funny Corps….

“You look upset, Private Droopy!” giggled Colonel Kooky, hitting a sad-faced MP clown with a cream pie as we turned a corner. Dust blew everywhere.

“Of course I'm upset!” I answered, gesturing towards the radio, “This song could make Will Rogers punch a nun. And my real name is…..”

But the next instant, the world literally turned upside down. With a deafening blast, our Humvee flipped over. We’d hit a whoopee-cushion land mine.

“Everybody okay?” asked Major Mishap, dusting himself off.

I was fine. And furthermore, that stupid Archies song was over.

“Neat!” grinned a soldier, jumping up and down.

“'Neat' ? What are you, 11 years old?” I asked.

“No, not until April,” he said, picking up a marble he’d dropped in his excitement. He then ran back to the bleachers, where the soldiers cheered on for more.

“They like me,” I smiled, “they REALLY LI ---- ”

Another thump on the head, and I found myself back in the hospital bed. Before Nurse Wotchet could hit me again with the bat, I intercepted her swing, and pulled her down to the bed. We embraced, her sweet lilac scent heavy and pure….

“There’s nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic,” she said in a soft, husky voice. “Wanna go run away with me and live in California?”

I repressed the urge to tell her I was actually a renounced Episcopalian. “Sure, let's move to L.A..........Why not? Sunny can act, Matt can paint, and I can find some other lousy job I hate”.

“What odd plans you have for your roommates,” she cooed, shaking her head. “I was thinking of just dumping them all and making a little nest for just us. I’m filthy rich. And it’s proveable.”

“Proveable how? From gypsies?” I said, incredulous.

“April fools! SCHWING!”

Damned bat. She brought it out when I wasn’t looking. Which wasn’t hard, as I was distracted by the rerun of “Joanie Loves Chachi” on the tube across the room. When I recovered, I was dressed up in my Army Clown fatigues again, only handing out coupons outside the Super Scoop ice cream parlor down at the mall.

“I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding! Hey! Are you even listening?” I yelled at the passersby. “Come on, 3 scoops for the price of 2! How great is that? And you can choose between either vanilla or goose liver, it’s a real….oh God, are THOSE the choices? I’m outta here….”

Determined not to fall for Nurse Wotchet’s malicious wiles again, I went back to the break room, and tried not to curse as I stared at the half-eaten donuts left on the table. I know that it’s only a matter of time before Sunshine and MattBaby catch them durned Miles Gang guys……you betcha.

END

Answer 2

L.A. STORY!!!

I was just thinking how it came about that Patti and I were moving to Los Angeles. Last year, between our junior and senior year of high school, Sunshine, Matt and I were all working as lifeguards at Virginia Beach, Virginia. One fateful summer day, Sunshine said, “Wouldn’t it be neat for us all to move to Los Angeles after we graduate?” I smirked, “Neat? What are you, 11 years old?”

I thought about it for all of 30 seconds, and said to Sunshine, “Sure, let's move to L.A..........Why not? Sunny can act, Matt can paint, and I can find some other lousy job I hate.”

What a difference a year can make! Matt won a football scholarship to Virginia Tech. Sunshine wouldn’t ever consider leaving her MattBaby, so now she is going to college there too. I couldn‘t let go of my California dream, so I talked my friend Patti into moving out there with me.

After graduation, Patti and I packed up her car, and a rooftop carrier, for our expedition. Patti was kind of skeptical that we would be able to get jobs right away, but I just knew that with a little luck, our good looks and great personalities, we’d get hired at the first place we applied. She said, “Oh, yeah......THAT'LL work......You idiot.”

The first three days of the trip went pretty smoothly, but by the fourth day, things were getting a bit strained.

Patti was singing AGAIN, “La la la lalalala, Don’t Worry, Be Happy. La la la lalalala, Don’t Worry, Be Happy……..”

“Pattycakes, will you please just shut up?? I mean, here we are stuck in this car for four days. Your car radio is broken, all of our tunes are packed, and the only song you can remember the words to is ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerran. Now, I can’t get that song out of my mind. Arrgh!! I hate that song.”

“You sound upset!!” said Patti.

“Of course I'm upset! This song could make Will Rogers punch a Nun. How am I upset? Oh, let me count the ways…..I’m upset because I don’t have any leg room. We can’t move the seat back because the backseat is jam packed almost to the roof, and the only place for the cat box is beneath my feet. At least you get to drive, and not have to worry about sticking your feet in the cat box.

“AND, I’m upset because Bitsy is YOUR cat, but her favorite place to lay is in MY lap, and she makes me sneeze. Her fur always seems to be flying around in here. Bitsy seems to think EVERYTHING looks better if it is covered with fur, but I don’t share that opinion. My jeans are starting to look like a damn fur coat!!”

Patti said, “There's nothing wrong with you that a little Valium and a baseball bat can't fix.”

“I’m also kinda upset because I’m not sure if I can even fly home for Christmas. I think Mom may still be mad at me. When I told her we were moving to California, she said, ‘I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding! Hey! Are you even listening?’ And, I answered, “I’m 18 years old now, and you’re not the boss of me.”

Patti replied, “OK. I do know another song, “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. 100 Bottles of Beer. I took one down, and I passed it around, 99 Bottles of Beer. 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Bottles of Beer……..”

“Patti!!!!” I screamed!

“OK--We’ll sing that one when you are in a better mood,” laughed Patti.

“Maybe we could just talk.” I offered. “For instance, I heard somewhere that there's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic. You used to be Catholic, didn’t you?”

“Puh-leeeze!!” said, Patti.

“Oh! No! It’s supposed to be a proven fact!” I protested.

Patti replied, “Provable how? From gypsies?”

Will the girls get to L.A. before they strangle each other? Will they find an apartment that takes pets? Will they find jobs right away? Will Sunshine and Matt drop out of college and move to Los Angeles? Ah! But, that's another story.....

Answer 3

A frightening scene occurred on Saturday last in our borough . A riding mower took off at a speed of 60 mph with the good burgher aboard." I think this is a bit of a sticky wicket, my good man." I intoned as I watched from behind one of my rose bushes. "Somebody call Scotland Yard!" In the middle of the chaos, a scream could be heard" and above that, the roar of arriving constables."This is terrible! I yelled from the bush. "Just the facts maam" The stoic officer replied. The Queen has made her decision. We have a sniper here to take out the mower. The shot and then the death rattle of the mower. The poor man stumbled from the wood babbling "I think my guardian angel may be a bit deranged. Ahhhhhh.....Total quiet...At Last!!

Answer 4

I wrote one using all of the phrases and it was funny and "nice" yet for some odd reason Yahoo wouldn't let me use it!!

Answer 5

♥ A Tale, Told by an Idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. ♥

(4) OH, YEAH....... THAT'LL WORK YOU IDIOT. I said in disgust. My friends wanted to hitch a ride to L.A on the back of a V.W Bus. "It'll be neat," Summer said. (9) 'NEAT'? WHAT ARE YOU, 11 YEARS OLD?" I mused in rebuttal to Summer who was a bit on the inebriated side from consuming an entire bottle of Stoley's all herself, and thought it sounded a great idea.
I tried to talk them out of it, letting them know that L.A was OVERRATED; it really wasn't the fabulous town every non-Californian thought it to be. Some areas were worse than Vegas at midnight on a Saturday during Mardi Gras. But they insisted.
I'd prefer if they took a trip somewhere else along the coastline, to a town with a little less drama, prettier beaches, and where you could get a basic bite to eat for under $100.
But they insisted; It had escalated from a spontaneous weekend trip to a full blown relocation. Autumn continued on with the bargaining for my approval. "Why not?" she said, "(1) SURE, LET'S MOVE TO L.A...... WHY NOT? SUNNY CAN ACT, MATT CAN PAINT, AND I CAN FIND SOME OTHER LOUSY JOB I HATE?" she said, continuing, "And YOU Beans, can do ALL THE ABOVE EXTRORDINARILY! So let's do it?"
I responded with the truth that, although the quest for the achievement of stardom was synonymous with tinsletown, there were plenty of other towns they could move to that had great acting companies, and such, that would surely prove more profitable then living in a city filled with wanna-be fame whores.
But they would have none of it. Assuming my rejection of their idea was due to my ties to the church, Summer chimed in, "Well Beans, You know what they say, (5) THERE'S NOTHING SEXIER THAN A LAPSED CATHOLIC"
I quickly supplied my rebuttal, that not only was I not catholic, but that my animosity for L.A had nothing to do with my religious background. I loved the theatre, and acting, and everything to do with the ins and outs of the T.V. industry. But I agreed that if we did take a trip out west, I would not be joining them in L.A, but going to visit my aunt and uncle who lived further inland. As well as do some background investigative work on other issues of interest in the state, while checking out decent Law Schools.

I had called and chatted with my Cally and Stan, as well as MY MARLA, my lovely, precious friend Marla, and spoken about arrangements and pleasant areas in the state to stay, a while back, to which case my friend, Nola had objected by saying, "(6) I FORBID. I FORBID YOU TO GO. I'M FORBIDDING! HEY! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?" To which I had responded, "No, sorry. I love you honey, but I’m out like shout. Peace like hair grease. See you on the Flip Side. I AM THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO LEAVE, for my sanity! Seriously!" To which Nola said, it was okay so long as she could come visit. And of course I said, "Sure no problem."
Anyways, now Summer and Autumn were wanting to move out west as well. I love it when people jump on the band-wagon. I figured if they were going to go, then it was fine, but I was not planning on going anywhere near L.A. What a dreadful town. But all of their whining and insisting seemed as (3) A STRANGELY FAMILIAR YET UTTERLY WICKED TALE.
In any case, I was willing to go with them, as California was just lovely, and we could always part ways once we crossed the border into the state. As we sat in the car, with a small amount of luggage packed, and began our journey, Autumn reached over to the radio and turned on a country station. The first few songs were okay, but then she put on this horrid rendition of something that I’m assuming was supposed to be an interpretation of a famous ditty by Johnny Cash. Frustrated I chimed in my objection. "This song really sucks could we please change it?" I said. "Are you upset?" Summer asked. "(2) OF COURSE I'M UPSET!! THIS SONG COULD MAKE WILL ROGERS PUNCH A NUN!" I said. They laughed, then changed the station to something a little more road-trip-worthy.

Three hours into our journey, Summer had to pee, and Autumn was hungry. I kindly explained that by car it would take several days, each of us taking turns at the wheel, to which they had said they were under the assumption that if we broke the law and drove 90mph we could be there in a day and a half. I objected, and let them know it would surely take at least 3-4 days driving. I had made a similar trip before. [which inadvertently had led me from one traumatic incident to another] They didn't believe me, that it would take so long, so I said "whatever." We continued on for another day and a half. It was then that I decided I didn't want to be their friends anymore. Twice was enough for me. They hadn't done anything to prove they were real friends, and in truth had only caused me misery. Then at the rest-stop, as the two of them were relieving themselves, I went in and phoned a friend. I grabbed my luggage out of the car. And by sheer coincidence met a trucker named Tank who knew another uncle of mine from the business. So he allowed me to hitch a ride to the coast, upon the provision that we make a few pit-stops along the way.

By this time, my mom was worried, so I phoned her to let her know I had ditched Autumn and Summer due to consistent issues with them, and several Chinese fire-drills at exit-ramps and toll booths, and was instead hitching a ride out west in a tractor trailer.
Mom was rather upset, and thought I was being foolish, as did Shari, (whom she called for advice) and Marla, [who had heard about this recent escapade of ours from a mutual “friend”] of whom, had, upon hearing immediately jumped in her SUV to hunt down the car with all three of us in it, to make sure Autumn and Summer didn't strangle me and ditch my body in Death Valley.

I ended the call with Mom, due to an incoming call of which I wasn’t certain the source. “Hello?” I said, curiously. “Beans?” said the perturbed but somewhat worried voice on the other end. It was Marla, I’d know her voice anywhere. As she began to talk I came to the realization that I was now in "BIG TROUBLE". *gulp* [I’d rather chew on a pound of razor-blades then be in trouble with Marla].
Earlier that week she sworn she was coming over to my apartment and taking "those damned cigarettes and that bottle of vodka and whatever the hell else she's got in there!" when she had heard about my Egg-nog & V.O. mix as well as my affinity for crazy-bootleggers and a well blended Martini or maybe five or seven, it depends really. *sighs* OH WELL.
"WHY are you doing this to me?!" she hollered. "You're driving me nuts Beans! Why do I even CARE? I DON'T!! I don't care anymore! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!" she said.
I felt just awful. I had been a slight embarrassment to Marla lately (as well as to Mom & Dad, Shari and Mia) but it really wasn't all my fault... entirely.

When I started to cry on the phone, Marla said plainly, "Honey, I'm going to be straight-up with you okay?" then she paused, and added firmly, "This is craziness Beans. You make me afraid when you do stuff like this! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! God! ACT GROWN FOR ONCE damn you!" Then she added, "Oh honey, I know you've been through hell in your life, but (8) THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU THAT A LITTLE VALIUM AND A BASEBALL BAT CAN'T FIX."
Knowing that was Marla's way of encouragement when she was frustrated, I said "I know, but I don’t care Mar, I’m not coming home." She was truly persuasive and very kind and gentle in the art of encouragement, but sometimes things didn’t always come out right when she was pissed off. “Excuse Me?” she said, acting is if she hadn’t heard me. I responded quietly, “Thanks for taking the time to call me and all, but, I’m not coming home.”
“Okay, I just said you’re turning around, I don’t understand what you’re not comprehending?” she said. “I said, I’m not coming back.” I replied. She paused a moment and added, “Okay, see that wasn’t a question, honey.” Then she scoffed somewhat in irritation and surprise at the audacity I had in even arguing with her. “See I wasn’t asking you, Gwen, I was telling you. You and those girls are turning around, RIGHT NOW, and coming straight back here.”
“You know I really appreciate this call Marla,” I said adamantly, “But I’m sorry. The answer is NO. I’m not coming back.” A second of silence was followed by an indignant, “How dare you? How dare you tell me ‘no’!?” [I had never done that before.] To which case, Marla (who had just recently met Shari, my Mom, and Mia through a shared acquaintance) continued on in her stern rebuke, swearing vehemently that all three women were going to kick my butt, furiously, if I did not turn around and come home. Marla said, "P.T.S.D or not [as that is what it turned out to actually be my problem and the reason why I was behaving like a mad-woman] I don’t care what case of the crazy you’ve come down with! I'm going to drag your little butt back across the state border by your hair and rip out your eyelids with a salad fork if I have to come get you!" And then she added, "Don't be a doofus, DOOFUS!" I did not answer her.
Marla, who was under a lot of pressure from all sides, who also somewhat gave a damn and I didn't know why, was rather angry with me. [And Autumn and Summer who had ‘encouraged this’ she said.] She had often helped me, though i had been told she wasn't supposed to, and I almost got her fired from her job, [not on purpose, but by mere association I guess] so I stopped talking to her for a while, so she wouldn't get into any more trouble because of me. She had vaild reason to be angry with me; and I thought she really should spare herself the grief as well as her reputation by doing what everyone else did, and just give up on me, tossing me aside like garbage. But, she didn't, which I never understand.

Anyways I finished that conversation abruptly, then called Shari, who was as worried as my mom. I had known Shari all my life, and absolutely adored her. When mom couldn't talk sense into me, Shari could. But I wasn't listening to her either it seemed. [They thought for sure I'd of listened to Marla and come home, as I always did whatever she told me; but this time I didn't.] I often listened to Shari as well, as I had the highest respect for her in the world; but, I was not listening this time. Half way into the conversation, she became somewhat angry and quipped, "YOU WILL OBEY ME BEANS!". [I had never heard her shout before. It made me slightly worried and was a clear sign I was up crap's creeque without a paddle.] But I kindly, respectfully declined. "I've known you you're whole life and you've NEVER ONCE told me 'NO!'" she said, and it was true. I would always do what she asked of me. It seems she had my best interest in mind, and I knew that, but I was stubborn, I always had been. I said I was going to catch up with Autumn and Summer, as I was concerned they’d gotten lost somewhere in the desert. Then, I said goodbye, and phoned mum, to tell her I that I was okay. [she was angry and worried.] Then I phoned Autumn and Summer to let them know I was not dead or kidnapped. They were in the car driving west. They hadn't even noticed I was gone.
Summer replied, "Oh. I didn’t even notice. I thought we had had a third person with us when we started, but (7) I WAS IN A DEEP, DEEP, DEEP, SLEEP - I WAS DREAMING OF SUNSHINE AND MATTBABY___ as usual!" Autumn just hummed along to "Tequila makes her clothes fall off" as she drove. Well, I was glad that they were okay. And they were glad to hear from me, at least for those 5 minutes that they remembered who I was.

In any case, we chatted for a few minutes, and when I was sure they knew in which direction to go, to get to L.A, I hung up the phone and told the trucker named Tank that I was ready to leave. 10 days later, after several pit-stops at warehouses around the country, I arrived at my destination. [Well, okay a hundred miles from it]. So I went into downtown San Diego and slept out in the square with a bunch of squatters and hobos. I met a guy named Elihu, who was from Utah, and trying to make his way to L.A. I told him I wasn't going to L.A, but was headed in that general direction. So we decided it was better if we stuck together. Neither of us was familiar with the area. Then I tried to figure out my game plan on how I was going to survive out there. I had a little bit of money left, and so did Elihu, so we got a room for the night. And bought a newspaper, so that we could both find a job.
Then I realized I was nuts [okay not really, just an exceptional actress; I was so good, I damned near had myself convinced!] BUT I digress. Yes, I was nuts! Nuts for allowing Autumn and Summer to convince me to go on the road trip; And nuts in the sense that I it was obvious to me that I was definitely suffering from some kind of anxiety related problem....a really BAD problem which was the purpose behind the sudden, spontaneous move. And is what led to my agreeing to go with Autumn and Summer on the road trip to begin with. [Besides, I'd had enough of life in my town. I couldn't take any more harassment, needed no new traumas introduced into my life, as I was still barely recovering from those which I had survived; and truthfully, acting like a nutball to keep some people away was really mentally exhausting. For Real.] Besides, I needed a decent income, to support not just myself, but my family back home. I needed to make a TON of cash fast to help myself, and them!
So I found a waitressing job, and Elihu found a job working at a supermarket. I was glad I found a friend to accompany me on my journey. We stayed a while in San Deigo to amass some decent funding for the move, then hopped a cattle-wagon north. We had to sit in the back with the cows, and chickens, and about a half dozen illegal immigrants. They were very nice and taught me some Spanish. Lolita, one of the women, had affectionally nicknamed me "bendaha" and "punta!". How sweet. What a nice friend! I swore I was going to look up the meaning of my new nicknames once I was able to get to a computer.

We arrived in L.A, and as I prepared to say my goodbyes to Elihu, [and the immigrants] he decided that it wasn't his kind of town after-all so was preparing to go further north. I then noticed Summer and Autumn, pulling into a gas station in Marla’s SUV [to their surprise, gas was close to 10 bucks a gallon - I told them so!] I waved hello, but they were slightly annoyed. It seemed Marla made good on her promise and had high-tailed it in her SUV west-ward in order to "rip my retarded a** out of the car". [IDK why? Curious. What a koinkydink?!] Not finding me there with them in the car, where she had found them in South Central, she swore the girls had bludgeoned me to death and dumped me somewhere along Route 66. [who could blame them really?]
She was currently on the phone with the FBI and the local cops, all of whom she knew very well. "If that girl's not dead, she's going to be!" she mused angrily. "I will NEVER take another call of her's again!" she said. Then she spotted me in the back of the wagon, that was teeming with livestock. A flush of sudden relief turned quickly to fury. "I'm a dead woman Elihu!” I cried, “Tell my mother I love her!" I said as I tried to duck low behind a cow's bum to hide from her.
Lolita, who noticed Marla running across the highway, laughed and threw a rose at me, commenting in Spanish, [adding in the 'nickname' she had given me] saying, "Fleures! Fleures para los meurtos... Punta!" To which I smiled, ah sweet Lolita, I would miss her.

Marla screamed out my name, so there was no use hiding. I hopped out of the back of the truck, realising that there was nothing I could do. Marla was furious, and my days were numbered. I was in for it BIG TIME. As Autumn and Summer stood at the pump filling up, watching the scene play out, all I saw was Marla’s pretty little face, and that long hair before I fell to the ground in pain. Yes, ma'am, she had 'kindly and lovingly' grabbed me by the back of my hair, and as promised, was dragging me back to the SUV. "What IS WRONG with you?!" she said as she drug me across Ventura Blvd. "I AM FURIOUS WITH YOU! You're nuts honey! NUTS! I don’t know why I put up with you! You need a life-time supply of quaaludes and some MAJOR shock-therapy!" Through the blinding pain, I waved goodbye to Elihu, who helpless watched as Marla drug me across the highway, by my hair; I noticed Pedro and Lolita laughing hysterically. Lolita waved and hollered "Adios Bendaha!"

As I felt the gravel from the road slowly becoming one with my backside, I stammered, "I can explain Marla!" She huffed, "Oh honey! Here's a quarter, call someone who cares! I don't give a sh*t anymore!" Then she pushed passed Autumn and Summer and opened the passenger's side door. "I call shotgun!" I said. Marla scowled and said, "Get in there retard!" and threw me into the car, and slammed the door. "I spent $800 in gas driving cross-country to find you, and you are SO, SO, SO gonna make it up to me." she said furiously. It seems, in her frustration, and after a few conversations with Mom, Shari and Mia, she had decided that she was the most pissed off of all of them, so she would be the one to come and get me, and them.

I didn't want to go home, but she didn't care. As I fretfully scowled in disagreement, she muttered, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? Why? Why, WHY, why would you do this TO ME?! WHY? What are you bi-polar? DO you have ANY idea how much trouble you are IN Beans?!"
I sat there a moment, looking at my friend, whom, was making me feel more like her child then an acquaintance; I felt really bad, and stupid. She looked like she was going to break down and cry. As I opened my mouth to offer an apology [or an explanation] she interrupted, "DON'T! Don't EVEN say anything to me right now!" After a brief pause, I mumbled sarcastically, "I'm GROWN Marla I can do what I want you know!”
She glared at me in unbelief, “EXXXXCUUSSEE ME?” she said. I continued, “Hear me? I can do what I wannnnt!!" As she slowly turned her head towards me, angrily I continued on with my statement asserting my adulthood, "Stop treating me like I’m ten! I'm not your kid! I can do what I want. I'M Grown!I'm GROOOOOWWWWNNNNNNNN!" Then I added in some of the Spanish I had learned from Lolita and Pedro and finished my sentence with, "Comprende Punta?!"

I'm not exactly sure what happened after that, but I think she wacked me with her purse because I woke up in the I.C.U, of the E.R of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, with a very large bump on my head, a busted lip and a black eye. [apparently Lolita had NOT been complimenting me in calling me a "punta" as i thought]. *yikes* no wonder Marla was pissed.
Autumn and Summer were there, glaring at me, [as they had to abandon their trip due to their car being jacked by a ‘window-washer’ somewhere in South Central] talking to a very angry Marla who was musing over the reasoning for our idiotic plight that had everyone in an uproar for nearly a week.
I asked the R.N how bad it was, and she mused, "Do you mean the bump on your head, or the mess of trouble you're in with everyone else?" I glanced over at them, as they shook their heads in frustration. Marla especially, was quite furious, with all of us. I bit my lip and winced, and whispered to the nurse, "Do you suppose I can just act like I'm schizophrenic and they'll be less angry?" I mean, it’s not like I couldn’t pull it off I thought.
The nurse shook her head and said, "Oh no honey. Mmm-hmmm. You is in some serious shi*t darlin' mm-kay?" Then she jabbed 10cc of morphine into the IV in my arm. Then she nodded out towards the group outside the room. "Ya'll is in some serious trouble. They done had the FBI looking for you fools!” Then she gently pulled the IV out of my arm, and placed gauze over it to stop the bleeding. “Is that your mama?" she said indicating Marla. "No," I said solemnly, "But she mothers me if that's what your asking." The nurse raised her eyebrow, and I added, "She’s a very good friend. She looks out for me sometimes. But I doubt she'll be my friend after today." The nurse smiled and said, "Angry or not, you're lucky to have her." "I know," I said. Then all three of them came into the room. "Thanks a lot, you ruined out trip Beans," said Autumn. "I was going to be a famous Movie Star and marry Johnny Depp, now I can't because of you!" Summer shoved some gum in her mouth and said, "Yeah, and now Matt can't sell his paintings and I won't get to make love to him for hours under the sunset on an exotic beach!" Then she huffed, "You're a jerk!" "Marla!" I said, objecting to the girls comments. Marla sat down on the edge of the bed, and turned slowly towards me, "Listen cornhole," she said somewhat annoyed, "I drove 3000 miles in 2.5 days.... I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, my only thought was to find your scrawny, reTARDed butt, and bring you back home." As I began to interrupt her, she spoke over me and said, "NO! WAIT! IT IS NOT your turn to speak." Then she sighed and continued, "It's taken every ounce of self-control I have not to choke the living bullsh*t out of you. Do you have ANY IDEA WHAT you put ME through?" Then she continued, " What the EFF is the matter with you girls?! Especially YOU Guinevere! I DO NOT want to hear all the reasons why the three of you girls pulled such a RIDICULOUS stunt, all I am going to say, is IF YOU EVER do anything like that again, I will personally see to it that you suffer horribly the rest of your miserable, pathetic, pointless lives, understood?" We nodded, and then she said, "Love You! Now get your crap together and let's go!"

As I stood up and gathered my coat, and shoes, I noticed Pedro and Lolita making their way into the I.C.U. "Hola Bendaha!" I said as I waved to them. It seems that Elihu, hadn't realised they were illegal immigrants and had gone over to the FBI agents whom Marla had called to locate us, and asked them if anyone spoke Spanish. It all plummeted into downward spiral of chaos from there. Pedro had tried to outrun some bloodhounds and cut his backside on a barbed-wire fence. Lolita had tried to stay hidden in the cattle-wagon and had been trampled by one of the cows that were in heat. It was not a pretty sight. As we left the E.R and headed for Marla's SUV, I said, "Marla, can we stop for ice cream on the way home?"
She sighed, and said, "OMG, What an Effing nightmare." We were silent for a moment, then I tucked my arm under hers and said, "Please? Please Marla? Please can we have some ice cream?" Then she looked over at the three of us and said somewhat laughingly, "Omg, what a bunch of freaking corn-holes.” Then she sighed, “Okay, girls, but only if you promise NOT to talk to me for the other 2500 miles home. I need a break." "Okay Marla," we said, "We love you!" She smiled and sighed somewhat annoyed, “Let’s go my little lovelies,” she said, and got into the car.

Then I woke up and realised I needed to lay off the Bacardi & Iced Tea as well as the Belvedere Martinis before bedtime. It seems all the stress of life, with its current problems, concerns, and desires and future plans for life, had worked themselves into my subconscious and made for a very wacked out dream. As I stumbled to the coffee pot to get my morning fix of caffeine, I thought over the ridiculous dream as well as all of the crap I had been through, and everything the people in my life had and had not done. I thought about telling Marla of my crazy dream, but figured it’d probably make her want to file a P.O more than it would make her laugh. Then lost deep in thought again, I muttered aloud abstractly, "(10) PROVEABLE HOW? FROM GYPSIES?" Then I sipped my coffee. And went into the bathroom and debated over hanging myself from the ceiling tiles. Thank God, it would be peace, at last.
Then I realsied, due to that being a thought, I was in serious and definite need of a therapist. So I poured some Baileys into my coffee and I phoned my mom [who had to end a call with Bubbie in order to take my call] and said, "Hey Mamala, I think I’ve finally lost it. Know any good shrinks?"

As I said, This is A Tale, Told by an Idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. ♥
♥The End♥
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