Very personal question, please read and i need your advice. Can u help?

Question

I'm a married 20 year old, & I have good reason. My stepdad was very abusive & I couldn't stay in college as an independent unless I was married. My husband is a wonderful guy, but I've been told that I may be in another abusive situation & that he's mentally abusive. He can get mean & he gets angry @ me over little things. Today, he got mad @ me because I was sick & missed an exam & I forgot to email my teacher. He has 2 sit out of college a year because he failed some classes. He has no right to get mad @ me for that. Also, he gets really angry if I talk to my grandma. He asks me why I talk to my family if they let my stepdad be abusive to me. I love my husband more than anything. Just the other day we went out 2 a movie & then came home & had pizza & it was fun. But it seems like we go out when He wants 2. He mostly stays here & plays computer games. I'm the one supporting us mostly. I love my husband and i dont want 2 talk bad about him, but are my friends right? What should I do?

Answer 1

You don't need this. If you really do love him, then try to work it out for the best. Go to a marriage counselor. This will be test number 1 of this relationship. If he really loves you, he will treat you as an equal partner and value your opinion. It sounds like he does love you in a way, but doesn't know how to do it the right way. If counseling doesn't work then I'm sorry, this relationship is a lost cause. In that case, get out before things get worse. It does sound like he is mentally abusing you. Don't make excuses for him like it sounds like youre doing. In my experience, my aunt was in a mentally abusive relationship and as soon as she put her foot down, he became physically abusive. Much of the time, mental abuse can lead into physical abuse. I'm not trying to scare you, but I'm saying get counseling so it doesn't go as far as physical abuse. Stay strong. Be your OWN WOMAN. And as far as your family is concerned, he can ask you why you are talking to your family because it really sounds like you don't need them either, but he has no right to dictate whether or not you can talk to them. That is your choice, not his. And he doesn't have a right to criticize you on missing an exam. If you miss an exam it isn't the end of the world. The pressure is on you to stay in school, not him. And if you're supporting him too, you need to draw a line somewhere. Again, I know you love him and you should try to make this work, but if it simply won't work without him trying to take control, then there's nothing you can do but get out, save yourself, and let the relationship die. Sometimes it takes more than just love to make it work. He has to treat you like a PARTNER as well, and respect you as a partner, which he seems to have trouble doing.

Good Luck.

ps: How long have you known him? To be in a committed relationship like marriage requires, you need to have known him for over a year. You have good reason like you say, but I'm sure there were other ways that could have been overcome. Couldn't you have gotten help from a close friend instead?

Answer 2

well i don't know how you where raised but i was raised that the husband is the man of the house and he is suppost to be the bread winner in the home and the wife had the option to work... most men get angry very easy but that doesn't mean he is mentally abusive... mentally abuseing some one is always makeing them feel like they are beneth you or belittleing some one so if he does that to you then yes get out because once some one has control over your mind they will control every thing about you and that could lead to him abuseing you physiclly too....i would just atch your self and see what happens and the first time he lays a hand on you be done...

Answer 3

I think that your husband has the potential to be abusive--based upon what you are saying.

Your husband knows that you came from an abusive household and I'm sure you are "grateful" to him for taking you out of that situation. Maybe you've told him that way too often. Your husband doesn't reallly need your thanks because he married you and got you out of that situation.

You grew accustomed to being controlled by your stepdad--so your husband knows that you are easlily controlled and I think that he may be using that to his advantage. I think that he's probably mean to you because he is frustrated and he knows that you'll take it ---you did for years from your stepdad.

Your husband wants to isolate you from your family-that's why he is mad because you talk to your grandma. That is something that an abuser does--isolate you from your family and your friends so that you can become more dependent on him and more submissive. Abusers try to break down their victims so that they can control them.

Your husband is mad and jealous that you are attending school and he is sitting our because of his poor grades. He won't admit it, but he failed.

Is there any reasons that your friends would make something like this up? Do they have anything to gain from your break -up? Your friends, more than likely, have your best interests at heart and don't want you to get hurt. Listen to them; depend on them.

If you man is not going to school, he needs a job. If you are going to be supporting a household on your own-kick him out because it will be cheaper for you in the long run.

Answer 4

Marriage is not always perfect. Sounds like he is a person that makes mistakes. Talk to him because communication is key in a marriage. I understand you are young and married. I was younger than you when I got married. If he is physically abusing you or emotionally, or mentally abusing you than u need to be careful and get help. We will always have to work things out in your marriage.

Answer 5

omg reading your problem is like reading my life! just like me i cant tell u what 2 do its your life and your decision your an adult i had to learn the same lesson. my ex was a big guy addicted to pot and many mental problems i thought i could fix him 10 years later and a daughter later i finally got the balls to get out cuz our gas was shut off and all he did was sit round the house smoke weed watch porn and eat while i worked cleaned the house and took care of the baby.you sound like me about 2 years ago my family and friends pushed me to leave 24/7 but i wasnt ready finally sept of last year id had enuf i packed my necessities and put the rest of my life on the curb and left. so when your ready youll know and just keep going dont look back i did and now i have a great boyfriend who is taking care of me and ill finally get to go to school this jan and i get to stay at home with my daughter and his 3 boys and home school them like i wanted anyway good luck and i hope this isnt too forward but if you need to talk here is my number 9137317435 i dont normally get on here but something told me to i think your ? was the reason

Answer 6

Get out now, while you still can. He sees you as a child when you should be equals/partners. He is also beginning to isolate you from your family and sounds like he controls the relationship. If they've confronted you about him, then he's probably worse than you are describing. Start saving your money on the side and quietly plan your departure before it goes from bad to worse. DO NOT have children with this man. Take your birth control diligently!

Answer 7

The main factor is, have you ever accredited Jesus the Christ as your Lord and Savior? Believing in God is a enormous step however now you must take the following. Allow Jesus into your middle and admit to Him that you're a sinner and say sorry on your sins. Only via Him might you achieve the Father and heaven. We have to cross via the Son to get to the Father due to the fact all of us fall wanting the dignity of God. We fall quick due to the fact of our sins. Jesus despite the fact that lived a sinless are living in order that His blood could be a suitable sacrifice as cost for our sins. Also, in case you have now not performed so, I could endorse that you just learn the complete bible. I understand that it introduced me such a lot in the direction of God and His Son. I pray that you'll be able to uncover happiness and might God bless you as good.

Answer 8

Sounds like you got married to young and for the wrong reasons. He's probably angry at himself and takes it out on you. Only you know if he is really abusive, at least you should, and if he is get out now.

Answer 9

I think your husband has some fundamental problems and these should raise some red flags. You should not take any abuse from anyone, verbal or physical. The verbal abuse could be a precursor for physical abuse. You may be insecure and not be aware of what he is capable of. If you could get him to go with you for counseling, it could be beneficial. Please take care of yourself. Good luck.

Answer 10

Looks like you jumped in way to fast, sorry but I wouldn't put up with it. He sounds very controlling (been there) you need to get out, the mental part will stay with you. But you can and will move on, I did, and I just celebrated our 12th. If you are questioning it now, make the change you are to young to be put down like that and you can make it on your own!!
Good Luck!!