My husband and i have been married for more than 8 years and we have no kids. In the first few years of our marriage, we tried very hard to have kids but we have no luck. There was a lot of disappointment and pressure from the family to handle. In the last couple years, we didn't talk much about kids, tried not to give ourselves too much pressure. My husband is now 44 and I'm 36, we now decided not to have any kids coz we feel that it is a little too late. We're planning early retirement and don't want to work till we're in the 70's too see our kids graduate from college. My mother in law came over for dinner the other night and she asked me if we're going to have any kids or not. I told her we decided not to and told her the reason. I know she is disappointed and upset, but i guess i need to tell her the truth.
2007-10-22 13:09:04 · 25 answers · asked by bulldog 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I had been married for almost eight years and in that amount of time should any one of the in laws mention why we didn't have kids I would tell them they have grand-cats from us and laugh it off. Its no ones business, its between you and your spouse and I think your in laws are wrong to put any pressure on you. Be honest with them only if you feel close enough to them to be that open, you don't owe anyone an explanation for the way you and your husband are living your lives, you haven't done anything wrong so you shouldn't feel guilty for anything!!! Children are wonderful but its not always in the cards for all of us.
2007-10-22 13:19:02 · answer #1 · answered by cerridwen322 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am in a situation that is similar to yours. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. Now that we have finished college family members have started to inquire about when we will be having kids. These talks have picked up recently due to the fact that my sister and sister-in-law just had children. Both sets of grandparents are now in "first grandchild" heaven. My husband and I honestly do not know if we want kids and I get very defensive when the subject is brought up. I usually want to tell them that I will let them know when my uterus is their concern.
2007-10-22 14:36:12 · answer #2 · answered by pcp3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not cruel - the truth hurts, but deception wounds...
In an ideal world, you and your hubby could have shared the news with your families - that way you look like a united front and no one can try and talk one or the other "into" anything...
still, telling your MIL the truth is not cruel... I do hope you can be compassionate about her disappointment...
2007-10-22 13:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by Gatubella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't cruel to tell the in-laws the truth, that the two of you have decided that children won't be part of your life. That's your choice, and the in-laws should respect that. But accept that a little disappointment is also a normal reaction from them, as you have tried for children in the past., especially if your partner is an only child.
But you have to live your lives for yourselves, and choosing not to have children is your right.
2007-10-22 13:17:56 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have never been married, so the in-laws were not an issue.
I had a vasectomy, then called my parents afterward. They were pretty shocked because I am the only male sibling and I don't have kids. My sister had a hysterectomy due to bleeding, and can't have kids. Our parents will never have grandkids.
They got over it!
2007-10-25 12:15:01 · answer #5 · answered by Professional Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely not too cruel to let them know. It is a decision that you and your husband have made and they did need to know so that their hopes are not up any longer either. You did the right thing by telling them. Now the pressure is off all the way around.
2007-10-22 13:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The truth is always the best. She should abide by your decision. After all you both have put plenty of thought into. Do either of you have siblings? If so you can be great Aunts and Uncles to them. Some of us adults are not geared to parenthood. This should not be a reason not to enjoy life. There are too many children having children.
I applaud you and stick to your guns!
2007-10-22 13:16:15 · answer #7 · answered by Steven D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well you got your head screwed on right about the not working till your 70 , pity other people didnt think about these issues before reproducing seed's they really didnt want in the 1st place.
Good for you.
2007-10-22 13:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has the right to be dissapointed because she probably wants adorable little grandchildren.
But, you and your husband have the right to decide what you think is best for you and your living situation.
She'll get over it eventually.
And, if anything, you could always get a pet. My mother spoils my two dogs as if they're her own grandchildren. She even calls them her grandpuppys and buys them toys & sweaters on christmas, their birthdays, etc.
2007-10-22 13:21:50 · answer #9 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It wasn't cruel at all. You told the truth. If anyone is disappointed, it is for them to get over it.
2007-10-22 13:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋