It seems he met this woman while he was on agolf trip with his buddies. They were in a bar she was staring at him so he asked her to dance, bought her a drink and then he left. Next night they are at same bar ,she sits with them and he walks her home.Next morning she phones him asks where he will be that night, he tells her, they meet again,he walks her home again,goes in for a drink, another couple is there,he goes back to his hotel, she leaves next morning, to go home. She calls him several times that week to invite him to stop at her home on they way home ,she is having a party. He and another man do so. He tells me nothing went on,and says he made a big mistake, I am having a hard time getting over this betrayal and no longer trust him, what advice can you give me.
2007-10-22 12:21:11 · 23 answers · asked by gingerspice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It hurts doesn't it,to find out the man you been with all these years isn't who you thought he was. Actually he is the same person it's just we wives don't want to see or think that we are married to a dirty minded man that will go and sleep with another woman if she invites him into her bed. We women have got to stop being so damn naive when it comes to our husbands. Men have no problem lying to us and you cannot tell when they are lying. Any woman that thinks her husband doesn't lie only means she has got one very good liar for a husband. Remember everybody lies,everybody.
Do you really think your husband would come out and tell you what that woman and him did together, he would rather have his arm cut off before telling you the truth. The funny part is when they do get caught some of the excuses they come up with why they lied to us. They didn't want to hurt us,men are pigs and more of us women are finding that out the hard way.
2007-10-22 12:57:23 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He didn't make A big mistake, he made LOTS of mistakes. Something is going on that you may or may not be aware of, or he would not have sought out another woman. He isn't telling you the whole truth. He got caught and is down playing it. He cheated on you, even if, as he claims, nothing went on; he sought the company of another woman and hid it from you, coming clean AFTER he was caught.
He definitely is in the wrong, you have every right to question him. He owes you an explanation big time. Thirty-five years of marriage is not something you'd want to throw away or end, but if you cannot get passed this, it might be your only option.
This is going to eat away at you if it is not resolved. If you don't get satisfaction from talking with him, if you don't get to the bottom of this, seek counselling. You need to talk with someone, to sort out your thinking. He has broken your trust and betrayed you, that is something very difficult to regain, if it can be at all.
You are going to have to ask yourself truthfully whether or not you can live with this. Time will tell; get everything out on the table, then go from there.
2007-10-22 12:55:15 · answer #2 · answered by dwtg5425 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, 35 years is a long time. I mean, that's a lot of emotion, memories, good & bad times just to throw away. Don't get me wrong, normally for these 'my spouse/bf/gf cheated what should I do' questions, I'd say this is a no-brainer - drop him. 35 years. That's longer than I've been alive. I'm sorry, I hope I'm not making you feel o...ok Don is digressing now.
I hope counciling would help, because something that solid really should have a fair chancce at being saved IMO. But if you're not able to forgive him and feel like there's no future, then you know what you have to do.Best of luck to you.
2007-10-22 12:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by Don 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you're going thru but I don't have that many years of marriage. I guess that makes It worse. Things between you both will never be the same, if you choose to forgive him you should seek professional counseling to help you go thru this difficult process. If you choose to live the rest of your life with this person now you should think, after all of these years is when you have met him and what he is capable of doing. If he sees it like a huge mistake don't worry next time you make a "mistake" since It was no big deal for him betaying you. You should invest time in making yourself happy since the people you cared for most didn't care about your feelings in the moment. It's never too late to make the life you wanted for yourself. Its my personal opinion.
2007-10-22 13:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by mar g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset. Fortunately, he obviously told you about it. To me that says he is sorry he made an error in judgment. It will take a long time for you to not be angry and hurt, but, as long as this woman stops contacting him, you should be able to eventually forgive him, the down side is you will never forget. Men are every bit as hedonistic as women are. After 35 years, he might have felt unattractive, age catching up with him. Some woman, not his wife pays a guy a little attention and of course their heads get turned. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you...it is strictly in their own minds....male menopause if you will. I have had women pay attention to my husband, even if he didn't do anything, I nipped it in the bud the second I noticed. Not to him, but I made my presence felt to the females. Then gave him more "attention" so he wouldn't be tempted to stray. I figured I was guilty of taking our relationship for granted and not making him feel special. I'm sorry you are hurt, but please try to not beat him up too badly for being human. Best wishes.
2007-10-22 12:49:00 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the first time that he has been inappropriate in that manner... in 35 years.... I wouldn't worry.. I'm sure that after being married that long... the flattery was just too hard to deny himself. Doesn't mean he was really interested in her... just that knowing that a woman... any woman.... still finds him attractive enough to pursue him that way was SO flattering.
Perhaps you could look at it that way also... You've got a cool husband that other woman find attractive.
2007-10-22 12:57:40 · answer #6 · answered by Bentley 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know that your husband has been dating some broad for several days in a hotel, WHY would you be asking about her address and phone number? All you should be asking about is how to file for divorce!
I can't believe that the jerk is cheating on you and you're wondering why he has her address and phone number? It seems to me that he has alot more than that and you have to get some self respect and take some control. You have to get him out of your life.
2007-10-22 12:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
35 years is a long time to be married. Even if he did cheat, I think you guys should go through counseling to work over this betrayal.
Is this the FIRST time in 35 years that he made this type of mistake? Do you think he is TRULY sorry for what he did?
2007-10-22 12:29:24 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have to make a visit,(be nice) just to see if he is telling the truth,see what the attraction was or is to this woman, because if she went to those great lengths to get his attention, she's not going to let it go that easy. And 9 times out of 10 she's going to tell you if they are still on or it was a mistake.
2007-10-22 13:06:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um- by the third day you say SHE PHONES HIM- that means on the second night they had drinks and he walked her home- he had to give her his number.
Just sayin'
Since this woman has called your husband repeatedly- get her number and call her up and ask her what happened. She doesn't really have a reason to lie but your husband does.
Good Luck.
2007-10-22 12:27:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋