My girlfriend & I live 4 hours apart and she does not want to be together on the Holidays & I wanted to spend the Holidays together & that isn't going to happen. She was molested by her father while growing up & tried to press charges against him & they told her that it had been too long. She is 34 now. She has dis owned her parents because of this & is breaking free of them. The mother knew & looked the other way & is still with him, She said she does not have any family & does not like the Holidays. She said she use to and she spent them alone last year. She said everyone at work is saying where they are going or what they will be doing & she said she has no family to be doing anything with. This thing with her "real"father happen in South Caroline. She lives in Texas now. I didn't think there was a time limit on something like this. She even remembers when she was in the crib and was afraid of her father and would cry for her mother not to leave the room.
2007-10-22 11:58:51 · 13 answers · asked by J.J. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sexual abuse cases usually have a limitation on them. I think it on a state by state basis but is usually 10 to 15 years.
The statement that she remembers being abused in the crib may or may not be true. Or may be an embellishment of memory. Memory can play funny tricks.
Sudden regaining of repressed memory was very popular a few years ago, but has been pretty well debunked in most cases. Unfortunately there are still many people in prison for crimes that were suddenly "remembered" with the coaching of a publicity hungry psychologist.
But I digress.
It sounds strange that she used to like the holidays but now does not. If your story is true, she seems to be going into a state of depression.
It does sound like she needs help. I'm very surprised that she would be talking to you about being molested as a child but would be unwilling to spend the holidays with you. Most of us who are survivors of childhood molestation (older sisters in my case) find it a difficult subject to discuss even with loved ones.
2007-10-22 12:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Gaspode 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is really really sad. It is awful that there are adults in this country would ever harm a child in that way. I think your girlfriend is right to break ties with her family and she has every right to be pissed off! She was violated and betrayed by the very people that were supposed to protect her. I think the best thing that you can do is be supportive. Also if you are her boyfriend then technically you are her family! Whenever a situation arises that requires "family" you should try to be there after all families are not just based on genetics. They are about love.
2007-10-22 12:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, this is an all too common story. We hear plenty of scare stories about dirty old men abusing girls, but in my considerable experience over the last 30 years, it's been family members who have done the most damage - fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends.
Life is often harsh. The best we can do is give sympathy and a listening ear.
2007-10-22 12:13:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough one. has she seen a counselor about this? she probly should if it's still bothering her alot. maybe just say how you want to be the new family for her so she can start some happy memories of the Holidays. holidays are all about being with the people you love, not just your family. she needs a new look on the definition of family, unfortunately she got a bad one, but she needs to stop now before she ruins her life with negative thoughts of special occasions. tell her you NEED her to be with you on these happy days.
2007-10-22 12:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sarahz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person that can really do anything would be her. She needs to go to the police station and make a report of the abuse. Even the recent mental and physical abuse should get him some time in jail. All you can really do is be there for her. If she told you what happened then that means a lot. It means that she really trusts you and she is asking for help. I would tell her that you will go up to the police station with her to file a report against him. If she doesnt want to do that then I dont think there is anything you can do. You might try calling and tell them that you sense there is abuse being brought against her by her stepfather. There might be something they can tell you to do to help. Good Luck.. and hang in there. Make sure she is constantly reminded that you are there for her and will try to help her in any way..
2016-04-09 22:25:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tragic story!
I personally believe anyone who has suffered any type of abuse or injustice is best to bury it with a good life.
Hard as that seems, it is what has worked for me.
I don't think we are to make everything perfectly right in this life.
I do believe that those who have been unkind, in any way, will be in for a rude awakening at the Judgement Day.
.
2007-10-22 12:04:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well these things take time. But what you dont' understand is...this is a part of her. She is bruised eternally because of this. Time may heal her pain, but the scar will always be there, clear for all to see.
I can understand why she doesn't like holidays, but that's because she doesn't understand the meaning of it. You can't like what you don't know, and she's never been shown holidays for what they are. If you think you're up to it, maybe it's up to you to show her..
2007-10-22 12:05:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds fishy, number one it is hard to believe a baby can recall anything. If she doesn't spend the holidays with family ...explain why she can't spend them with you? Why don't you call the authorities and ask them what the statue of limitations is on this.
2007-10-22 12:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by Glinda W 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this! But the father needs to be publicly hung, and the mother should have to watch, and then take him down for her part in this!! Time goes on forever in matters like this, she should seek counseling, and I hope&pray for for her healing!!
2007-10-22 13:12:52 · answer #9 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry I don't have an answer to such a huge question. I would continue to show her all the love and acceptance she will except on her terms If you want to help her I think she is the one in control of how much she can take at any given time. I pray that you both accept my prayers for the both of you
2007-10-22 12:10:21 · answer #10 · answered by thomaswlane 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋