Do you know any great comebacks?

Question

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush. He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

It became very quiet in the room.

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
Once again, dead silence.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.
You could have heard a pin drop

Answer 1

Winston Churchill once said to George Bernard Shaw, "I'd like to to see one of your plays, when you have one."

Shaw Replied, "I'll send you tickets. Bring a friend, if you have one."

Once, when appearing as "Psychic Steve," I was propositioned by a lady who had something stronger than beer goggles on. I had just started readings for a party of 8 and had to turn her down.

"You don't know what you're missing," She wheedled.

"Try to remember who you're talking to," I replied.

Answer 2

Well, I've always said that actions speak louder than words. So in the event that I have nothing to say, I usually just punch the offender in the throat.......that generally shuts them up nicely.

Answer 3

well none of mine are quite that good but when someone at work insists on including me in all the hum drum office politics and gossip i quietly wait for them to finish their dramatic story and then simply ask them... "Does the expression on my face tell you I give a sh!t?"

I love it... their expressions are priceless...

Answer 4

Gen. Douglas Mc Arthur once told: " I SHALL RETURN!" (to the Philippines)....and he did...

Answer 5

I am at a loss here, but I have plenty for you personally when you're brave enough. lol

Answer 6

nope

Answer 7

WOW !!!! There is really nothing I can say to top that......
again....WOW !!!!