Having problems with intercourse?

Question

Hi

Well i am sorry if this is to long and too detailed but i was hoping that someone could help me or at least offer some insight and support..... first of all let me tell you that my husband is 48 years old and has diabetes, high blood pressure and a thyroid condition.....i am only 26....well we have been together for 2 and a half years now and just got married this past june....and my he just started meds for diabetes...previously he has been pre-diabetic....and has eaten right and exercised and taken care of himself....it runs in his family so he was going to get it sooner or later....so now he is on meds for that and all of a sudden we cant have sex....sex was great when we were dating but now that we are married and he got a meds he either cant get it up or once he is inside of me he goes limp again....the doctor switched diabetic meds and upped he high blood pressure meds thinking that might be the problem....he also gave us cialis....which when we took it it did nothing in fact he couldnt get it up at all.....now he is supposed to take Viagra....but it just feels like it is all my fault....like there is something wrong with me.....because we are trying very hard to have a baby but as you know it is hard to do that when you husband cant *** inside of you.....it is like he can get hard but cant *** in me....i can get him off with a bj but he can get it off in me......i know there is something that i am not doing right or maybe he is just not that in to me anymore....if anyone need more info or explanation on something let me know...i hope that someone can give me some help....this is really putting a strain on my marriage and i dont know how i am going to deal with it much longer.

Answer 1

Health issues are a lot to deal with for men. Especially one's so much older than their young wives. He's probably got a little emotional baggage that he's dealing with from that. You are also trying to have a baby and that puts additional strain on his need to perform. Between feeling like a baby sperm machine and being faced with his declining health he's probably having considerable trouble with erections and understandably so. That's a lot of pressure for a guy. Thankfully for women we can just lay there and sex can still happen. Unfortunately for men they have to maintain and erection to orgasm and when those pressures start to run through his head he no doubtedly goes limp.

I don't think it has anything to do with you at all. He's obviously still attracted to you if oral makes him orgasm. That's different though. It's just sex. It's not related to the pressure of having a baby and he is under no obligation to perform. It free's him from the pressure of trying to make a baby and worrying about his health and just allows him to enjoy the pleasures fo sex without consequence.

Here's what I suggest. I'd quit talking about the baby thing so much right now and try concentrating on spicing up your sex life. Remember sex is necessary to getting pregnant so if you don't fix this you are going to have bigger problems when fertility is an issue. Take him to bed one night, put on something sexy, put in some erotic adult entertainment (the kind you know would revv his engines...its different for everyone) and go for it. Give him a little show, make it sexy and just about you two climaxing together and not at all about trying to make a baby. Do what you have to. Talk dirty, try mutual masturbation, love over every inch of each other. Make it a really memorable night and just get back to the basics of sex. That will get your sex lives back on track and when you are trying again in the future if he's having difficulty with an erection bring up a memory from that great night and that'll get him going again!

I harp a lot about sex in my answers...I know. I'm not a perv. I'm a happily married woman in a great marriage but we've had our ups and downs. I found out after years of struggling with sex that I was fighting the sexual being inside of me because our society makes women feel like sluts if we enjoy and ask for sex. Once I opened up my husband bloomed too and I'm having the best sex of my life with the man of my dreams. As sad as it may seem...its really, really important to the longevity and health of your marriage. So get out the porn and the adult toys and explore your sexuality together. It'll bring you into a whole new world together!

Answer 2

I say don't give up! There is a new medication called Cialis and it is for men with diabetes and suffering for e/d. 4 better or worse,this is not the worse thing you can deal with. Think how you would fel if there was no help for his diabetes or bllod pressure. Take the bitter but go 4 the sweet, this could be a new adventure in your relationship.
Try getting some toys r renting some movies to help get him aroused,wear some of his favorite perfume to bed,some sexy night wear. Take a long bubble bath together,have another 1st date,just spice it up a bit. Ask him what you can do to help him get what you need,make him feel that it's about him,but think about what you want too!
Do the things you did to get him,your a bit younger so show him how to be young again too. Also trying not thinking about having the baby just let happen naturally.If he thinks his only doing it to have the baby he maybe feeling pressured instead of pleasured.Or you sure that both of you are wanting to have the baby or is it just you?
At his age and with his health he maybe thinking that he won't be around to see the baby grow up. You guys really need to talk about all of the issues that are involved. But the first thing for you is to make sure you truly love your husband enough to want to stick with him through any and everything that hes going to have to endure with being a older man with illnesses such as the ones he has.
I say "Stand By Your Man"!!!!!! But dont forget about yourself in the process it takes two to make a relationship work!!!!

Answer 3

It's not you, hon...it's either the diabetes,the hypertension, or the medication for high blood pressure.......and his thyroid condition could be complicating the situation, which sounds like ED to me......you both need to continue to consult a doctor who specializes in ED.....and a fertility specialist if both of you are determined to have children.....your realistic options can only be outlined by them.

If it turns out that children by natural means is not possible, then other options must be looked at and discussed by both of you..

..and if in the end the reality is that children are not part of the picture, as hard as it is you two must never blame yourselves or each other as it's nobody's fault. And as far as making love is concerned....there are many ways to be close, intimate,and loving....it all boils down to how much you two truely love and honor each other, and wish to stay together....I speak from experience and the choices I've made.....

Answer 4

I think this is a pretty common problem for men with diabetes and for men with high blood pressure. Sadly he has both, I understand that you feel like it's your fault. But, if you didn't turn your husband on, oral sex probably wouldn't give him an orgasim either. Seeing as you are trying to have a baby this is clearly a big problem. (Beyond just the emotional strain) This won't help how you feel but, would it be possible to use a condom without spermicide and then use the collected sperm to self inseminate? The site below has info.

Answer 5

I know what your going threw. I'm getting married in Dec. to a 44 year old man and I'm 31. He is a diabetic and has a 72 hour pain patch which makes him where he can't have sex sometimes. He has told me I can leave if I want to, because I love him so much I will not leave. some of your best times together are when we are not having sex.

Answer 6

Ahhh Pauline. Don't get worried just yet. In this day and age there's always a medical solution for something along these lines. In fact there's a better chance at fixing this than there is for diabetes...thats for sure. We live in a world where sex dominates everything and the temporary fixes are more for men because of the general attitude that you're not a true 'man' if you can't perform. total hogwash of course but nevertheless...its a fact.
Stick with the meds...keep working with the doctors and if worse comes to worse....there's always artificial insemination. Granted it isn't as much fun as swinging from the ceiling I admit but if it's a child you're looking for out of this marriage then keep that in mind.
Good luck to the both of you!

Answer 7

Obviously you see some sarcastic answers. Your stated "otherwise satisfied" situation, suggests some level of familiarity, some sameness, even to some point of boredom, or worse,,,scheduling intimate times. It seems that in those issues YOU have a sense that it's all good, as long as "I" feel good, and considerations about her senses have diminished or are being taken more for granted. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but relationships are WORK, even enjoyably so, and take effort through communicating, body language, changes, surprises, variation, exploration in re-inventing nearly every experience. Not to get graphic or be reported, but consider that at one point in time sex for procreation was the PUBLIC sense, and ONE position was not only the acceptable, established, but usual method of performing. While I GET IT, that MYSTERY, intrigue is major, so is letting a partner know what ISN'T working. Routine,,, as so many of us know, in our often mundane lives, is a fact. Routine in intimacy is no different in an eventual "HO-HUM" sense. Just my two "sense'

Answer 8

its not your fault , he loves you and right now he probably feel's like a failure , he's stressing about his illness , he's stressing out about not being able to satisfy you and he's stressing out because you both want a baby and he cant perform to the needs of making 1 so he needs to take a few deep breaths.

Try not concentrating on the baby or mentioning it to much that way he'll be able to calm down a bit and not stress , ask your doctor if he could maybe try wyld for men or anything with horny goat weed in it , also ask your doctor what nutrients the medications he is on are removing from his system and what vitamins he could take to combat it or what vegetable's he needs to eat to combat it .

Ignore valerie she's a freak i think your family looks wonderful.

Answer 9

Maybe you re trying to hard, relax, take it slow, do all the thing ya'll did before. Don't let him know that he is not doing it like ya'll did before, show him he is still the man, that you love good luck

Answer 10

I am sure it is not something you are doing or not doing....I think you need just take some things so slow and keep things low key maybe if you didn't try so hard and acted like it was no biggie things would start to change. To much stress can cause things not to work right either........
You married for better or worse did you not? You have only been married sense June and you aren't sure how much longer you can take this? Think you better rethink having kids.....