Was it my fault that my fiance hit me?

Question

My fiance and I went to Nashville to see a concert and he got way out of control drunk. At the concert he spilled beer all over a guy in one of the lines, he threw an empty cup and cigarette carton on top of display in the lobby (with trashcans nearby) and was stumbling all over the place. We were still having a good time until he asked someone an inappropriate question very loudly. I was frustrated and slapped him with the intention to sober him a little and help him realize what he was doing. (I am a very small girl, and I wasn't malicious when I slapped him - i know it didn't hurt). He went crazy and slapped me back VERY hard. I left the concert and two people asked me on the way down the aisle if I needed help. He told me that I provoked him and I should have never slapped him. Basically, it was my fault. Is this worng? (Side note: I went back to our hotel where the police where called because he was beating on the door, cursing and telling me to let him in)

Answer 1

First off, he should not have gotten so drunk and out of control. He's responsible for all of his actions while he's drunk. Even if he's provoked, that's no excuse because he chose to get drunk and lose his senses. In the future, if you cannot handle his behavior, get someone else to help you. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would seriously re-evaluate the relationship because if he continues to get heavily drunk and he exhibits no self-control, he may become even more dangerous than he was in this situation. And just because this may be the way he acts when he's drunk, doesn't mean he's not capable of such behavior when he's sober. I pray that you're able to get through this all right.

Answer 2

It sounds like the whole thing was a cluster. No one has the right to hit anyone, even though your intentions were good. If your fiance had been sober, he probably would not have reacted the way he did. However, if he wasn't drunk you wouldn't have to had slapped him in the first place.
However, as you are a small person, he certainly could and probably did hurt you much more than you hurt him. He could have seriously injured you.
Both of you were wrong and both of you need to apologize. You also need to talk about how much alcohol consumption is okay and what isn't. Let him know, in future, if he gets that drunk you will get a taxi and leave.
I don't buy into this whole, "I was drunk, it isn't my fault," thing.
You are responsible for getting that drunk; no one twisted your arm; and you are responsible for what you say and do while you were drunk just like you are when you weren't.

Answer 3

Not your fault, you should not be with this person. He is an alcoholic with a temper, never a good mix. It may not have been the best decision to slap him, but you were trying to make him realize he had stepped to far over that line of being not socially acceptable.

You need to find yourself someone else with a lot less addictions, and better and more responsible actions, and move on with your life.

If he is acting like this at a concert, where you pay money to go and have a good time, how will he act at other social venues? Once you mix alcohol into the mix, he cannot handle it, and you will be in the middle, once again.

When a person chooses alcohol and drugs over the person they supposedly love, the loved one is always the loser.

I hope that you let the police take him into custody and cool off and sober up in the drunk tank, that may have smartened him up a bit.

Good luck, I hope you find someone who will treat you well, and never hit you; under any circumstances.

Answer 4

He's a coward for making you feel guilty like that and NO you're not wrong. No MAN should EVER hit a woman...EVER! You probably shouldn't have slapped him even if it wasn't really hard, but that is no excuse. I'm sure it was apparent he wasn't in his right mind to you and others around you. He sounds like kind of a violent man. I'm willing to bet that this type of thing has happened before or he has a temper even when he's sober. I'd think twice about marrying someone like that. Even tho you're most likey not going to leave him, you asked this question for a reason. Are you looking for someone to tell you to leave him? Only you can make that decision. Just keep in mind that this probably isn't the first time this will happen ( if it was the first) and the fact that he's a drinker will contribute to these tantrums and chidish acts most definitely. Take it from me...I've been there before.

Answer 5

No its not your fault. Its his fault - he's the one who had control and a choice whether to hit you or not. Sounds like he has a self control problem - in his alcohol consumption, the way he treats others, and his ability to control his anger. While this may be the first time you've seen this side of him - I sincerely doubt its going to be the last - especially if he sees no problem with his behavior. I say its time for you to let him go and move on. While he might change, it won't happen until he realizes his behavior is wrong and you've told me nothing that leads me to believe that's going to happen.

On a side note - perhaps next time you are confronted with a person already out of control, violence will be your last resort. While your actions DO NOT excuse his hitting you, there were probably less confrontational ways of handling the situation - including simply leaving before any violence happened.

Do not put up with this behavior - its is unacceptable!

Answer 6

Ok, well, yes and no. If you slap a drunk person, you shouldn't expect that to sober them up. If they are rowdy, and you slap them, you should expect them to punch you in the face, not because you deserve it, but because they are drunk. So, yeah, that was a stupid thing for you to have done.

HOWEVER. Your man did hit you back, HARD. This is a bit troubling. His being that drunk, and that fact that he is a rowdy drunk should be big causes for concern for you. It would not be unreasonnable for you to exit the relationship at this point. After all, can you trust a guy that gets that trashed? What if it had gone differently? What if he has just started beating you? Then what? Can you defend yourself against this guy? I suspect not.

So yes, it was partially your fault, no you did not deserve it, and yes, you have a right to leave him. His tone with you should be apologetic, although yours should be as well since you were essentially playing with fire.

Answer 7

You nor anyone else has the right to slap someone. I don't know how old you are but if you feel you must slap a "DrunK" who is out of "control" you should out weigh him by at least a 100 pounds and still expect to get swung at.
No it wasn't your fault he slapped you, it was because being drunk makes people stupid and unable to control their action reaction part of the brain. You should NOT have slapped him and if you are going to continue to hang out with drunks, learn to DUCK and run even if you don't slap them. Anything you say could get the same reaction.
If you plan on continuing a relatiion ship with this person you need to know that now that he has slapped you once you are fair game to him as a punching bag...... Get out of this relationship as fast as you can run.
Also if your reaction to frustration is to slap, then please do not have children until you have had enough life experience to conquer that or get therapy.

Answer 8

Okay, first off, YOU need to realize that it was NOT your fault.
It wasn't your fault he got drunk, asked someone an inappropriate question, AND slapped a female [does not matter if you are weak or strong]. Clearly, he has very wrong morals, or none at all. You need to really talk to him about this, and reconsider getting into a serious relationship with him if you really love him that much. Otherwise, I think it's high time to cut the chord.
P.S., you should be grateful you haven't married him yet and still have time to move on and find someone better than him. There would be many many many men better than how you portray him to be. Trust me on that.

Answer 9

Yeah, you were wrong. You have learned an important lesson. Don't get physical with someone who can whip your a$$. Never, ever put your hands on someone. Do you realize he could have had you arrested? There is, however, a larger lesson to be learned. What the hell are you doing with a guy who will get staggering drunk, make lewd remarks to other people, throw trash around like the pig he is, and slug you? If you don't see anything wrong with all this, then you are no better than he is. Try to show class, not trash. Sounds like real Jerry Springer material, to me.

Answer 10

you probably shouldn't have slapped him when he was already out of control, but if he gets so drunk that he loses control over himself it can get really scary in your future. It may not stop at a slap next time. This isn't the type of person you want or need to spend the rest of your life with is it? You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. Ditch him.