I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We are both still young (22). He has been talking about marriage for a few months now, but I don't feel ready. Lately I have been thinking we might as well do it because I may never feel ready.
We are financially independent, but are not 'comfortable' financially by any means. We make the bills, but don't have a lot of extra money. He is in a slight amount of debt, which he is slowly paying off and the only debt I have is my college loans. I don't think we're financially ready to get married and he says that our parents will pay for it anyway so it doesn't matter.
I love him and I can't see myself with anyone but him. But I don't know if I'm ready to be a wife.
My question is, how do you know when you're ready to get married? And should I get married even though I don't feel ready yet?
2007-10-22 09:59:04 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Note: We do live together (and have for the past 2 years) and I have no desire to go out and date other people. I dated before we got together and had some unpleasant relationships, as did he. We were not naive and unexperienced when we started dating.
2007-10-22 10:11:11 · update #1
Didn't read the details, only the question.
BUT . . . if you have to ask this question, then you shouldn't get married.
2007-10-22 10:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by pa 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not ready. You will know when you are ready. Nothing wrong with you not being ready. It is your choice and a good one at that. You have been with this man for 5 years why don't the both of you take a break and go out and see what else it out there before you take that step. If it was meant to be then the two of you will see each other again. You do not want to get in your late 30's and then feel wow I missed out on so much because I got married so young and I will never know what it is like to be in a relationship with another man. You need to look at these things before you jump in.
2007-10-22 17:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, If you do not feel ready then no you should not get married. Marriage takes time and patience, unless you both are 100% ready for that step then you will be just adding more stress to am already stressful situation. Only time will tell you when you are ready. When you are, you will difinately know!
There's a saying I go by... Don't fix what is not broken.
If your relationship is working fine the way it is leave it alone until your ready for the next step. If he really cares and loves you, then he will understand and wait for you without rushing you. Like I said marriage is a big step reguardless of what anyone says..... follow your heart. Best of luck.
2007-10-22 17:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Marzgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love him and can't see being with anyone else - then you are more ready than you think. Marriage is not a punishment, a prison or a trap it is simply the logical progression of a loving and committed relationship. Being married means you are in this together and it really gives strength to a couple that are already committed. I lived with my BF for 3 years and then agreed to marriage since it seemed logical although not "storybook". I have been married quite happily for the past 12 years. It went by fast - I have no regrets and feel our relationship is deeper and richer than I could have imagined. He felt more secure once we were married and even changed to a higher paying job (a thing he was unsure of before) because he wanted me to be happy in my decision. We run a business together and still have bubbles in the bank but we have each other and that is ever so much more than you can imagine. Good luck!
2007-10-22 17:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by Walking on Sunshine 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I got married when I was 22. If you're seriously in love and want to live right, get married. Its so beautiful. I recently had my first anniversary and I love being married. My husband and I aren't gonna be one of those couples who hate each other. The financial part does take some getting use to. The smart thing to do would be getting out of debt before getting married because you guys will never be able to do anything together, like buy a house, car. You'll have to do things separate and a marriage is about togetherness.
2007-10-22 17:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by Queen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think very few people are 100 % ready deep down. The truth is if you have been with him for 5 years you are basicaly married. I imagine you are intimate and sounds like maybe living together. The reason its not a exciting thing because your all ready there!! After 5 years why not get married? You say your not ready to be a wife but I say deep down you want a out!! Search your soul if you realy love him and it sounds like you do make it right by God and comit the extra steps to your man.
2007-10-22 17:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a big decision! I should know because I just married my husband after 5 years of dating. Being a wife is not that different from being a girlfriend...except you will have to do his laundry (if you don't already live with him). If you wait until your financially ready, you may never do it. You will always find a reason to not do something because of money.
Think about it long and hard.
Good luck!
2007-10-22 17:04:14 · answer #7 · answered by Gena F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're questioning it, you don't need to do it. You said it yourself. Neither one of you are financially ready to get married. Maybe have a long engagement and during that time, pay off some of you debts and save up for the wedding.
2007-10-22 17:03:13 · answer #8 · answered by BluhBluh 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am much older than you are and have been married for 21 years, I got married when I was 25 and wish I would have waited a little longer, marrage is a big commitment, I suggest that you wait and enjoy your young years before you settle down to a husband and the whole wife life I love my husband and can't see my life without him, but there or things I wish I would have done before I got married. Just my thoughts. Good Luck
2007-10-22 17:15:25 · answer #9 · answered by divatm3 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you both have been together since you were 17, I would think that you need more time to go out with other people.
You should revisit this again when you both are financially ready and at least 25 years old.
Until then, you should each go seperate ways and play the field.
2007-10-22 17:07:12 · answer #10 · answered by clutchdoc 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go see a relationship counselor together. They can help couples who are healthy and stable as well as those whose relationships are in jeapordy. A counselor can help you sort out your feelings and clarify what it means to be a wife. They can also help you communicate your fears and expectations to each other. Catholic couples have to go through counseling with the priest before they get married, which I think is a great idea because too many people just get married without talking seriously about what it means to be married first. Also check out http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/02/o.marriage.questions/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
2007-10-22 17:32:19 · answer #11 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋