My husband and I have been married for one year. I told him from the beginning that I hate his smoking, but I kind of just let it go. Now, he's talking about wanting kids, but I said I don't want any until he quits. I just don't want my kids around cigarettes, especially from their father. He keeps saying he will quit once we have kids, but I don't believe him. Is it wrong for me to say this???
2007-10-22 09:32:07 · 80 answers · asked by Damon ♥ Elena 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good for you! Your kids deserve a healthy smoke free life. If your husband can quit after having kids, why can't he quit now? Why procrastinate? He may think a few extra cigarettes don't matter, but every cigarette counts. Besides, the effects of secondhand smoke can be worse than those of the smoker him/herself. Be consistent. Tell him that you're sorry, but you feel very strongly about this and you are not willing to give in.
Congratulations on realizing that this is the best for your children. You will make a great mother.
XOXO,
Laurie
2007-10-22 09:36:47 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It's a good idea, but it probably won't work. If he's a hard-core smoker, he might just prefer smoking to fatherhood. Then what? You give up having kids? It would probably be more effective to discuss with him that you insist that he stop once you have a child, and then just make it a goal at that point. Don't let him smoke anywhere near you, or in the house or car, and that will get him started on quitting. You shouldn't be around second hand smoke if you're planning on getting pregnant, or are pregnant anyway. And obviously, children shouldn't. He might feel more motivation to quit once he's responsible for another person.
2007-10-22 09:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by wendileen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No there is nothing wrong with you saying that. You are not being selfish, you are simply looking out for the well-being of your children. Obviously you dont want your baby/child around second-hand smoke but there are other ways it will affect them also. I'm not sure exactly how, but I remember reading somewhere that smoking affects a man's sperm in some negative way. You could probably look into that if you're interested. It's also really bad for pregnant women to be around second-hand smoke. You have to be patient with him but don't back down on this one. If he seriously wants kids then giving up smoking shouldn't be something that will change his mind. You will both have to make sacrifices to be the best parents that you can be and not being able to smoke is just another one of those sacrifices but it is worth it. Be patient and be supportive of him when he decides that he is ready to quit. Good luck!
2007-10-22 09:39:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is totally fair. Tell him that he needs to quit BEFORE you try to get pregnant, because the secondhand smoke will be even worse for them in the womb.
Quitting is a process, not an instantaneous act, and the stress of a pregnant wife or new baby could easily push him back to the relief of cigarettes. He needs to be well on the road to freedom before you can safely start trying for kids.
2007-10-22 09:38:12 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you 'hate' his smoking, then you had better LEAVE him and find a 'non-smoker' to father your kids. If you LOVE HIM then ALL you can do is ASK him to 'smoke outside' when you are pregnant and after the children are born ... second hand smoke is 'dangerous' but you did MARRY a smoker, and that does IMPLY that it's 'okay to smoke around you' ... by 'just kind of letting it go' and marrying him when he obviously had NO INTENTION of quitting, you have put your 'seal of approval' on that behavior, and you now are fighting a losing battle to try to get him to quit smoking even BEFORE you get pregnant. YOU are at fault here for THINKING you can 'change his behavior after marriage' ... and YOU may have to 'pay the price' ...
2007-10-22 09:37:53 · answer #5 · answered by Kris L 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The question is are you ready to have kids? If your husband's habit is smoking than thats better than other habits. But its your decision if you want kids with your husband if he plans to quit I think you should believe him since you know him well enough. However, if you plan to have a baby he must not smoke around you at all and to take it outside at all times. Just try encourage him to quit.
2007-10-22 09:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by guardianangel2008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I certainly don't think so! You seem to have the really smart idea. His smoking can even affect the child while they're in the womb: second hand smoke. Also, is that what he wants his kids to go through? Nicotene addiction? And it only stands to reason why you wouldn't believe that he'd just quick like that. *snaps fingers* The smoking habit can take a while for one to drop, so it doesn't stop just like that.
Well, I hope you can convince your husband soon. Good luck!
2007-10-22 09:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by ☆BB☆ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can say what you want, but if he's not ready to quit (or to stay quit) then you're just wasting words.
What will you do if he quits, you get pregnant, and he starts back? You gonna abort because he's smoking again? Of course not...you cannot force him to stop smoking or stay stopped. Requiring him to stop before you get pregnant in NO WAY guarantees he'll stay stopped once you are pregnant or children have been born.
Why not just have him not smoke inside the house period, and no smoking in the car when you and/or the kids (when they come into the world) are with him?
When he's ready to quit (if ever) he'll do it on his own because that's what he wants to do...
2007-10-22 09:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely NOT! Bringing children into this world is a HUGE responsibility. And its your responsibility to give them the healthiest start in life. Even if he doesn't smoke around him he's still subjecting them to all sorts of nasty carcinogens and setting the wrong example. How many times do parents tell their kids "do as I say not as I do". Children learn by OUR examples. You don't want your children to grow up sucking cig's all the time and killing themselves just because dad did.
I know it will be hard for him but he'll be glad he quit in the end. Good luck!
2007-10-22 09:43:59 · answer #9 · answered by sweetassgal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, this isn't wrong. It is sensible. I'm a smoker and I'm saying this. I don't think caring for a newborn is very compatible with quiting smoking. Now would be a better time. I think you should make it clear that you want him to quit whether or not you have kids.
2007-10-22 09:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋