+-+-+-+married couple only...(PLEASE)?

Question

Is it normal for a married couple to only have sex twice a week? (Sometimes 4 times a month) I'm 22 and my husband 23. We had had serious problems before I had a LEEP done on March 2007 and I had 2 miscarriages one on Feb. and another in Sep. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. And I found out he watched porn......What is normal?

Answer 1

I think it could be normal, if you are not happy with the amount of sex you get you shold definately talk to him about it, there's no harm in that. Sometimes I get it or give it only a couple times a week and sometimes it's almost every day. I think there are a lot of factors involved, too. Like, are you both very busy people, do you have other kids, are you both honest with each other about what you want sexually? As far as the LEEP procedure I know a few people who have to get that done and aside from the immediate couple of weeks after it has had no lasting effects for them sexually, like hurting or just not wanting to do it.
I personally don't believe there is anything wrong with watching porn. I watch it and my man watches it. We like to do that together though, but we are pretty over-the-top adventurous anyway, porn is kind of on our more mild side hehehe. I guess I don't really care if he watches it alone but I would rather he watch it WITH me, esp since I'm very open-minded. Maybe you should try watching it with him or if just doesn't do it for you then you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and what not. Alot of guys or even girls watch it on the sly because they are afraid of what the other person would think or if they would be upset or whatever but then it's a pretty big turn on when you want to watch it with them. It's fun! Anyway, really, it just sounds like more of a communication problem than anything else.

Answer 2

I've been married for many, many years and can tell you ALL marriages go through periods of having sex less. It's okay. He's worried about you and that's affecting him being able to get excited because he cares and doesn't want to hurt you. He's trying to put your physical health ahead of his sexual needs.

From a veteran wife let me tell you there is NOTHING wrong with a married man (or married woman for that matter) watching porn for a little sexual release. He is a man and he does have needs. We all do. He's not being disrespectful or trying to make you feel bad. You are just having a hard time in your sex lives right now and he is using the porn to "relieve" some of his sexual tension. Now as long as its not all the time or obsessive (just here and there) then you are fine.

Take him to the doctor with you the next time you go to be checked out. Let him ask the doctor questions (he's afraid of what he doesn't know and what might hurt you) and let the doctor alleviate his worries. When your health is better your sex lives will return. Just don't judge him, be patient and make sure you two communicate about these things. You don't want a downturn in your sex lives causing one of you to cheat.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

It's not a matter of normal or not. It is a matter of what is comfortable for the both of you and what you guys like and can handle. It is normal for him to watch porn. Most guys do it, and for all of the women out there that say, "Not my man" well about 80 % of you guys are wrong too. A lot of guys either watch, look at or read some type of erotic imagery. We are visual creatures in general and we like to see things, even if it is just reading an erotic story and getting the mental imagery. He probably does have some sort of insecurity issue in regards to your two miscarriages as well. You have to assure him that you are fine, that you definitely want sex, and then you have to back that up with actions. To be honest with you I would KILL to have sex twice a week. Good luck.

Answer 4

Its hard to say whats normal. I think twice a week is just fine. I'm sorry about the LEEP. I had one of those back in March 2007 too! It wasn't the funnest part of my life that's for sure.

Answer 5

I'm twenty, my husband is thirty one. We have sex on average four or five times a week. We have only been married for six months, but have lived together for almost three years. We watch porn together, but only once every month or so. I don't know if we qualify as normal, but we are happy. I'm sorry about your miscarriages. I know that it has to be rough on both of you. If there is no real danger of him hurting you, consider purchasing something sexy to wear for him. It may be that you both need a little added spice.

Answer 6

If you had 2 miscarriages in the same year, You need to relax. He's probably afraid to make love to you because of the losses you and He endored.
Miscarriages happen for a reason... Slow down, It will happen. sooner or later he will be the one to make the moves on you....
Porn is another way of release for a Man/Woman... Be glad he isn't looking else where.
This is normal... Some men express themselves differently. This maybe the only way He's thinking is good right now, instead of bothering you...Because you need to HEAL YOUR BODY.

Answer 7

I am having the same problem. I am 26 and my husband is 30. I have been with my husband for over nine years and married for six of those years. We had a wonderful sex life for the first five and a half years of our relationship/marriage. I miscarried our first child in September of 2002 and our sex life went down the toilet after that. I had initiate sex everytime we "needed" to have it to conceive our second child. After she was born, our sex life dwindled to less than twice a month. It was a mere fluke that I got pregnant with my son. We weren't TTC, but I guess our bi-weekly sex session was on the right night. I had my tubes tied for health reasons and for relationship reasons. I nearly died having my miscarriage and then again when I was in labor with my daughter. So my husband said that he was scared to have sex w/me for fear of me getting pregnant and dying. So I was positive that me having my tubes tied would solve our problems. Well, they have just gotten worse. He always has an excuse. Anything from, I'm tired to I'm sick at my stomach. I do great to have sex with my husband once a month now. I am one of those women who would prefer at least once a day if not more, and he claims to have no "urges". I have done months of research and tried everything I know to bring back the urges, but it just isn't working. We don't have the money for doctors, but that may be what you need to try if you do have the money. I know my answer probably hasn't helped, but at least you know your not alone.

Answer 8

Very normal to have this often while married. At times there may be more and at other times a lot less. A lot depends on what other things are happening in your lives at the time. Communicate with your husband how you feel and then you can find out directly from him what is going on with him also. Best of luck.

Answer 9

You two have been through a lot. Since he said he's afraid of hurting you, be grateful he's being honest with you. Believe him. I'm sure he's scared another pregnancy might end up with more pain and more loss for both of you.
Watching porn is nothing. It's very normal behavior, even for a person with a healthy sex life.

Answer 10

we only have sex about that much too. i know mine watches porn behind my back but i know he comes home to me at night.

i am so sorry about the miscarriages... i had one in march.
i honestly think he doesn't want to hurt you. mine shys away because he doesn't want me to have another miscarriage.
one thing to have "couple time" is to cuddle on the couch, go on a date, read a book together (you in his arms of course) or anything else you both like to do together. just do that and you will find that the sex will become more frequent (or at least it was for me).

or even make a special evening. find out his deepest fantasy and play it out. get the whole outfit. make a special dinner that is one of his faves.

check out trashy.com . i buy lots from them.

hope you found this helpful.