My husband and I are very adventureous with our sex life and we have been discussing going to a swinger's club. However, when the time comes to go, I get very nervous. Can anyone give me positive feedback on an experience or encourage me to take the risk?
2007-10-22 08:23:37 · 33 answers · asked by Carrie S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After reading some of the comments, I feel I must elaborate on my reasoning for wanting to go to a swinger's club. My husband is paralyzed. We do a lot of role playing and fantasizing amongst ourself in the privacy of our own home. My curiosity comes from watching what may go on there. And my husband thinks it would be very arousing to watch me with another man, but I am not commited to that yet....
2007-10-22 08:33:34 · update #1
Test the waters with a 3some.
2007-10-22 08:33:22 · answer #1 · answered by Islander 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
First off, pay no attention to the holier than thou comments from people on here. I think it is great what you and your husband are doing. Granted, I have never been to a swinger's club but my wife and I have discussed it sometimes. I am not paralyzed, but I too have the fantasy of watching my wife with another man (woman and in a group as well, but enough about that). We have not had any extra parties involved in our sex life to this point, but it has been a point of discussion. What I feel you need to do is simply talk to your husband, make sure it is what you BOTH want to do, and remember...just because you go to a swinger's club doesn't mean that you have to do anything. I know the one near us is very nice and doesn't push anyone into doing anything. Although from what I hear, once in there many people really relax and get comfortable with the surroundings. Good luck and I hope you guys are successful.
2007-10-22 10:27:29 · answer #2 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two types of swingers clubs: on-premise and off-premise.
Off-premise clubs are just like normal, everyday night clubs with a bar, dance floor, DJ, etc., except the clientele they cater to is swingers rather than single men and women. Just like a normal, everyday night club if you meet someone you want to hook-up with you have to take it away from the club, like home or to a hotel room.
An on-premise club is just like an off-premise club with the exception that there will be both public and private rooms to have sex in, so you don't have to leave the club with someone you're interested in if you don't want to.
You'll find the people there are very open-minded, very non-pushy, and very friendly. They've all been the in your same shoes before, having never been to a club, and they will let you go at your own pace and do what you want to do.
Not everyone that goes to swingers clubs has sex with other people, either. Many just go to have a more couples-oriented, open-minded, adult and sexually charged atmosphere than going to the local night club where all the college kids hang-out. Many just go to get revved-up themselves and then go home together and have wonderfully hot sex.
For some more information from those that actually are swingers, check-out The Swingers Board forums at http://www.swingersboard.com. There you'll find real information, not just opinions about your sex life from others.
2007-10-22 11:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you go at your own pace and stay within the limits of what you find comfortable. Most swinger clubs require their guests to respect each other's space. It's not like just because you're there means you have to sleep with any or every guy who likes you. I say check out a few clubs and see if you like one more than the others. Get a feel for the type of people andsee if those are the people you'd want to swing with if you do decide to experiment. Remember, you're there for you and not for other people.
2007-10-22 08:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will be wonderful. Stick together when you do choose to go. Pick a club that has a meet and greet night. They are lighter nights than a full blown party. They will open up the "party" rooms around 10pm. You can watch others and ease yourselves into it. If you are confident and trust each other, it will truely open up your relationship. If you don't like it or can't handle it, you can always leave but if the 2 of you have watched movies together and verbally fantasized, and you truely enjoy the fantasies.....go for it. It will be harder for you to deal with watching your husband with another (usually is) so you may want to have an agreement that this will be your night and work towards a truely open relationship. Honesty and trust is EXTREMELY important.
2007-10-22 09:30:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As long as you and your husband are in agreement and keep communications open, I think you will enjoy the clubs very much. Keep in mind that if you go there is no rule that says you have to do anything. You can just check it out and see if it meets what you have in mind. If it is stay and have fun with the rest of us. If not be respectful and exit gracefully.
2007-10-22 08:58:00 · answer #6 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its your twos life have fun if thats what makes you happy and ur hubby go for it....do not listen to any bible thumping hypocrites every1 is in different circumstances me and my wife do it for fantasy and for fun and you can meet alot of fun people who dont judge you like some have here on this blog! It doesnt ruin marriages what ruins marriages is lack of interest in the significant other. Its very nerve racking at first but try and meet someone with your qualities and everything will all work out.....the first answer to your question a guy wrote what would jesus do?...lol..like that guy knows what jesus would do!...marriage is a commitment for those who love one another but it isnt a death sentence for sex or any other type of fun....u only live once try it and see what happens u may love it..me and my wife do!
2007-10-22 08:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hehehe i think its kinda cool that the two of yas are still that adventurous but go slow some nervousness is good and just remember either of you shouldnt do anything that yourself or your partner will be or is uncomfortable with other than that have fun kids lol its all good used to be into the lifestyle but we arent anymore because of a mutual reluctance to be there but as long as there is ground rules then everything should be fine
2007-10-22 08:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clubs can be a good way to do that, but before you do that and potentially have a dramatic situation on your hands...try meeting some guys and allow yourself to be "playful" and "flirtatious" with them and see how you feel and how he reacts.
If he loves to see other men interested in you and flirty, then proceed. If he doesn't like the idea of other guys touching or flirting with you in front of him, then you have your answer.
2007-10-26 07:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by mike_wpb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be sure that each of you is doing it because you want to. Do not go into it just to make the other person happy. It can be one of the most incredible things you'll ever do together. It is taboo and very exciting. It is normal to be very nervous. Everyone who does it had to have a first time.
2007-10-22 08:36:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would never do that, because I would always be thinking of my husband with another woman. I don't like to share. And I think it would put a strain on the marriage. Leave way too many openings for arguments. But if you think it is something you can handle, well then???? Sorry not me.
2007-10-22 08:32:25 · answer #11 · answered by Badkitty 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋