why won't he marry me?

Question

we've been together for 3 years. i proposed to him Oct. 17, 2007 his birthday. and his answer was "I don't know." what do i do?

Answer 1

Well, either wait to see if he changes his mind and heart (knowing that you could be waiting for something that may never happen), or find another guy who really does know how he feels about you and marriage, and is willing to give you what you want in a relationship.

Answer 2

Well, he's had 5 days to think it over. Now is probably the time to approach him and ask him what he's thinking. Try to be open and encourage him to speak freely. Obviously there's an answer that you'd prefer to hear, but having him tell you "Yes, I'll marry you" just because he's afraid to say what's really on his mind doesn't help either of you. You don't say much else about your relationship, like how old you are or how much you had discussed the possibility of marriage before this - if at all. So it's hard to guess what he might be thinking. He could just be kind of surprised that you were the one to ask him or that you brought this up at all. He could have some concerns he wants to address before he answers. Or he may just not want to get married. Don't assume anything one way or the other and don't make him feel like he can't be honest with you.

Answer 3

I was kinda of where you are only I didn't propose what I did ask was where we're headed. The answer I got was one I didn't like. So I decided then and there I was going to move on. An when he saw that boy did he change his mind really fast. He proposed and we were married 6months later. Been married for 10yrs come Nov. Someone mentioned men like to be in charge I believe they are correct on that to a point. Once he got the idea that I wasn't afraid to move on, he got afraid he was going to lose me. I don't know if it will work out for you. But with the amount of time y'all have been together he should know by now. If he still comes up with I don't know then break it off fast and clean. I'm not telling it wont hurt because it will but you need someone who wants to be there for you forever. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You've been together for 3 years -- that's long enough to know whether you want to be married to someone or not. I think what you have on your hands is the classic situation where the guy knows he does not want to marry you, so he can't say yes, but also doesn't want to tell you no, because then you'll stop having sex with him. The solution is to stop having sex with him until he gives you an answer, just to be sure. If you must explain to him why you're not sleeping with him anymore, tell him you need "some space" in order to think about where your relationship is going. That'll make him sit up and take notice.

Answer 5

I don't know why he doesn't marry you after three years but I know what I would do. I would tell him that I respect his feelings and it's fine that he doesn't want to marry you. But tell him you want to be in a married relationship and so you are going to move on. Tell him you do not want any contact or message from him. You will not open any letters or e-mails. You will not see him again. If at any time he is ready to marry you, he may contact you one time only. If you are still free and IF you are still interested in him, you can talk then. But unless and until that happens, he is to leave and consider the relationship over. Then show him the door.

Answer 6

Now you must evaluate what you want for your life. Three years have gone by and he doesn't know if he wants to marry you. So you need to figure out if you are OK with this. Are you willing to wait another 3 years only to hear the same thing. What are your expectations from this relationship and how does he fit within your expectations. Obviously you expected this relationship to lead to marriage and so far it hasn't. So is this alright with you? Are you willing to wait until he's ready, even if it takes 20 years? I will say that life is too short to wait around for someone to catch up with you. You need to talk with him and ask exactly what he wants and expects from you and this relationship. You two don't seem to be on the same level as to why this relationship even exists. I'm assuming you love him considering you want to marry him. But how long will his love be enough for you? I'm sure you'd like to progress in your life through marriage, kids and career. Are you willing to allow him to put YOUR life on hold until he decides what he wants? You choose how and what goes on in your life. So really you need to reflect on how you feel and if him and his love is enough for you. I've learned the hard way that sometimes love just is not enough. If you want more and expect more from your life only you have the power to change it. It's up to you on how you spend your precious time on this earth. So the question to you is are you willing to settle for less? Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 7

You should talk to him about this. Maybe you put him on the spot by proposing to him. Most normal guys want to be the one to propose to the girlfriend. You should sit down and discuss it with him. If he doesn't tell you yes, or if he won't tell you why not, then dump him

Answer 8

if you have been with this guy for 3 years and he is telling you he doesn't know if he wants to marry you.. there is a problem.. you should get rid of him before you spend another minute of your life wasted.

Wouldn't you rather be with someone who knows without a shadow of a doubt that they want to marry you?? whether it be now or a few years

Answer 9

well, depends on how old you both are. If you're both young (early 20's), then your timetables for marriage may not match. It's something you both need to talk about to set expectations. If you're a bit wiser (in your 30's+), then I'd say it's time to move on.

Answer 10

He doesn't want to marry you. Either move on, or continue to be his girlfriend knowing that may never change. But don't badger him into marrying you. You want someone who is as excited about you as you are about him, someone who wants to commit the rest of his life to you. This isn't that guy.