my husband cheated on me a couple of times, gave me so many excuses about his cellphone in the past. so now that i decided to work things out with him, i get angry when he does not call me to let me know he will be out. he cheated on me while on the job this is why a cellphone plays a huge role in our relationship. do i have a reason to be angry at him for not calling me or am i just an idiot
2007-10-22 08:00:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
under other circumstances i'd be the 1st to tell you to lighten up, quit being a nag and to remember that he doesn't have to answer to you like your his mother.
but the whole cheating thing.....it's not that it makes it right but i can understand how you feel.
but i think part of you guys healing isn't just you forgiving but also learning to trust again.
hopefully he gives you enough reasons now to start trusting.
2007-10-22 08:06:49 · answer #1 · answered by SpeedyGonz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are not an idiot. I think telling yourself that is only going to make you doubt yourself and your intuition. A serious break in trust happened in your relationship with him and when similar situations seem to recreate themselves, it is NORMAL to have a great deal of anxiety and fear when it happens. What comes out as anger may really be the anxiety and feelings of powerlessness you feel when you cannot reach him.
Honestly, this will continue unless the two of you make out a plan to deal with situations like this. He may think you are being "controlling" BUT he needs to realize that if he wants to make it work he needs to do what it takes to mend the trust. He created the situation and needs to be willing to help you work through it. So come up with a plan. If you cannot reach him by phone, find an alternative. Ultimately however, if he wants to cheat he will find ways to cheat and a cell phone will not make a difference in that, although it might add a sense of security. Try GPS or something. :) That way you will know where he is.....
2007-10-22 15:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Green Eyed Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is going to cheat, he will find a way to do it no matter how closely you try to monitor him. In fact, by doing this, you are probably causing him to feel trapped like he's in a cage. He will seek outside attention that appreciates and encourages his personal freedom. You will be pushing him away by doing this.
If you want him to not cheat, you have to make him want to not cheat. Try rocking his world in bed on a daily basis. Get kinky if he likes it. Make it to where he won't even consider cheating on his next opportunity because he is still recovering from his last sexual marathon with you... that and the fact that he knows he will have to please you very soon. If you keep his tool busy enough, he won't have time to put it where it doesn't belong.
2007-10-22 15:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not an idiot. you have your legitment reasons, and he should respect that.
not to get too personnel, but does he want to work things out? If he does, why is it so hard for him to just pick up the phone to call and let you know where he's going if that's the only thing you've ask of him so you won't feel so insecure.
2007-10-22 15:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by qasizan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't have a reason to be angry...you made the CHOICE to work things out and yet you're not doing that. Your mistrust in him is YOUR problem not his. If he wants to cheat he is going to...he has already proven he doesn't care. So you really have no right getting angry.
2007-10-22 16:25:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do have an excuse to not trust him, because he betrayed you in the past, but if your trying to work things out, it's not gonna work that way. and honestly in my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater... what has changed so much to where he would't do it again? also, my opinion, you should never stay w/ someone who cheated on you. i dont think you guys are meant to be if he ended up cheating, there's someone out there for you, who will love you so much he would never let alone wan to cheat, but who could never hurt you that way. just keeping searching for that one.
2007-10-22 15:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you have every right to be angry. he should be doing all he can at this point to regain your trust. by not calling you he just dropped many points. you should be mad at him and demand that he call you. either he wants to work things out between you guys, or he doesnt. his call.
2007-10-22 15:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every reason to be suspicios but if you are trying to work things out and move on with your lives trust also has to come too
2007-10-22 15:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'a couple of times'????? Like more than once???
Sorry....you're an idiot as you state. However not for the reason you state.
2007-10-22 15:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
heres the deal...he did you wrong, you decided to forgive. that was your choice...every time he has to go out side, he should not have to call. you are not his mother, nor his babysitter. if you cant trust him, get out.
2007-10-22 15:17:15 · answer #10 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋