Let's say when you fell in love with your husband/wife, they had certain attributes that attracted/fall in love with them ex. intellegience, responsible, good with money, dedicated, had a nice physical appearance, they worked out, ate healthy etc. Let's say 5-7 years down the road, they start to change in physical appears e.g. they were fit now they gain 50lbs or if you fell in love with them when they were fat and all of a sudden they lose the weight. I've heard certain couples married or in a relationship says that they probably will fall out of love with person because their appearance has changed & they are not the same person they fell in love with. Could it be possible that a person can fall out of love with someone just because their appearance changed? Would it be any different if it was a personality change such as "this person was nice now they are a jerk/abusive, or if they was good with money but now they are a compulsive gambler, or faithful but now a cheater?"
2007-10-22 07:43:36 · 22 answers · asked by bitterly_sweetness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well this is a hard question.. but based on what I've seen is that you dint necessarily fall out of love but it just deteriorates the relationship at least it would with me. Example, If i love being fit always try to keep my self in the best shape and that is my priority then yeah it will affect me if my significant other is otherwise. Everything is based on priority i can still love him but because we dint see the same i wont be able to be with them. But my parents have been married for 20 years. They been together since they were 17 yrs. They are now 37 and I'm 20. My mom was a little chunky after my brother and she stood like that for 7 yrs and recently lost it and now she is very thin. My dad says that he loves her with whatever weight she is happy. Not once has he ever mention anything negative if anything he always complaints her. It just depends they are both young an attractive parents.
2007-10-22 07:54:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, 'looks' can make a BIG DIFFERENCE if you are just 'in love' with your partner. If you also have 'true love' (unconditional love) then the looks can and do change over time, but that 'true love' keeps people together, and they can then 'fall in love all over again' many times throughout their relationship. My husband and I have 'true love' and we will be together 'forever and beyond' ... and we 'fall in love' all over again with each other approximately every two to four weeks. Yes, we have a very 'fun' relationship ... we are also partners and playmates, and BEST FRIENDS so we find 'everything we need' in each other, NO MATTER WHAT is going on with out 'bodies.' I do have one comment about the 'faithful but now a cheater' and the 'good with money but now a compulsive gambler' ... my husband was a gambling addict who now doesn't even WANT to gamble again ... because he has 'true love' ... and both of us are so 'true' to our partner that we JOKE about 'his girlfriend' and my 'boyfriend' ... which is actually JUST US, when we are 'playing' ... to be 'unfaithful' to our partner would be 'total betrayal' and we would NEVER do that. A person SHOULD BE TOTALLY REAL when choosing their partner, and they have the RIGHT to expect the same FROM their partner ... so that a 'nice person' can NOT turn 'abusive' or become a 'jerk' after they've gotten together. That DOES NOT HAPPEN, though, in most relationships, so you need to be CAREFUL when you are 'choosing' your life partner.
2007-10-22 07:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A shallow person will lose interest in their spouse that way. Would you cump your mother or father if they gained weight? Developed health or mental problems? How about your child, would you leave them on the corner and drive off? NO! You should treat your spouse as though they are your family. A person is not an interchangeable part that you can trade in for another. You stand by that person and love them till the day they die. That's what love is all about. You don't fall out of love.
2007-10-22 07:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Aiden 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When someone falls in true Love, it is not for the looks, it's all the other qualities about them that starts the real Love later in the realationship, (and I see that you do know this) They love that person no matter if they gain weight or become unattractive. You have developed a change in what qualities you want in your spouse and that is ok. His looks are important to you and a big part of you being in Love with him is all. I have not found it very common with woman to do this, it's more with men that fall out of Love because of weight gain in women that I have wittnessed. You hear it all the time how the man is so upset that his once thin and beautiful and took care of herself girl or wife has gained weight and let herself go, so they lose their desire for her because physical appearence is very important to a man. That is what starts the lust and desire for his girl and then if it is not there for him when she changes for the worst in her appearence. From my experience I find men to be more shallow and change of appearance is not eccepted, but woman eccept it more. My x was 5ft 9 and was about 150lbs and pure muscle from lifting weights and sports when we met. 4 to 5 years later he hit 200 lbs and I did not care at all, I still was in Love with him anyway because of all his other good qualities he also had. Once his other qualities changed and he became abusive, that's when I actually started hating him and fell out of Love with him. Let him know about how you feel and he may change his appearance if he wants to for himself first and for you because he Loves you. He should not change only for you if he feels happy with the way he is. That would be you trying to change him to just how you want him and that is not right. Flip it around, would you want him to tell you to change your appearance cause he was not happy, but you were fine with yourself? Of course not. Hope this helped you.
2007-10-22 09:15:56 · answer #4 · answered by Dana B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if the person gains 50 pounds they don't like themselves very much. unless it's a medical thing then all of these comments are way off base.
when a person doesn't like themselves it is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to see them as the same person you fell in love with. Along with the weight gain usually comes bitterness. And this is usually what drives us away.
if the love and sex are still there then I'd stick around.
2007-10-22 07:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by old-softy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be physically attracted to them anymore but you don't fall out of love with them for that reason. Ever heard the term, "love is blind" Mean people fall in love with one another regardless of the way they look. You love someone for who they are on the inside, how they treat you and others...not with their looks. That to me wasn't love in the first place. Or extremely shallow love.
2007-10-22 07:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you TRULY fall in love someone....their looks do not matter! My little girl has gained alot of weight and I still love her! My friends husband lost his legs in a moto wreck and she still loved him and now has to do everything for him. My grandparents have been married over 50 years, they don't look anything like they did when they were younger. True love is deep, not shallow, and unconditional.
2007-10-22 07:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should fall in love with their spirit, not just physical attributes. If they have changed to the point of being abusive, then steps need to be taken to rectify the situation before it gets out of hand.
2007-10-22 07:50:40 · answer #8 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is shallow to want your partner to take reasonable care of themselves, sorry.
And I don't think gaining over 50 pounds is "reasonable"....
and before all the "mommies" start giving me the big thumbs down, let me just note I have two sons and I work as a personal trainer- I am in better shape at 33 than I was at 23 so the old, tired, "Well, I HAD A BABY" excuse is just that- an excuse.
2007-10-22 08:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think if you fall out of love due to an appearance change it wasn't love in the first place. Love is more about appearance, it it about what is in the inside.
2007-10-22 07:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋