I have meet a guy we have been talking as friends for(4)months I meet him at work. see the thing is that I can stop thinking of this friend of mine what should I do???
2007-10-22 07:28:34 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't really know what to think because of all the things that he has done. for ex. he has told other girls that I am his cuz. girls call his phone I answer the tell me that I am not his wife because the are his girlfriends. they also call to ask him for money. when I tell him I need money to buy his kids some pammpers he tells me that he has no money. when I ask why? he says I had to pay my helper who went to work with me. I have tried all kinds of things to get his att. like wearing tight clothing. sexy sleepwear everthing and nothing seems to help. and the only one there for me and my kids is my friend that I meet (4) months ago.
2007-10-22 08:16:29 · update #1
this doesn't mean you are in love with your friend either. and even if you and your hubby were happy you might still meet someone who makes you think hmmmmm....what would things be like if i were single and available?
still.....if you are in love with your husband you wouldn't want to be without him. that doesn't mean you won't ever find another guy attractive but you won't want to ruin your marriage. if you aren't in love....it makes it easier to consider cheating.
2007-10-22 08:09:47 · answer #1 · answered by SpeedyGonz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there's nothing wrong with having friends, as long as you and he don't hve any alterior motives, which it sounds like you do.
As to your question of how do you know, well if you have to ask yourself this question there's a problem. There have been times where I have wanted to MURDER my wife over something that she did but at the same time I could still tell you that I loved her. But what you need to make sure is that you're not confusing love w/ lust. There's a thing called the 80/20 rule, where we as people will cheat on the person who's giving us 80% of exactly what we want and need. We seek out that 20% and lose the 80% person, only leaving us with 20%. The grass ain't always greener you see...
Now you have to ask yourself here, HAVE I DONE ALL I CAN AS A WOMAN AND WIFE TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK?????
2007-10-22 07:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The grass is always greener on the other side. When you've been married to someone for a period of time, it's easy to look at another man and see what characteristics he has that you like that your husband may lack, but what you don't see are the things that you really wouldn't like because you aren't looking for them. Imagine yourself without your husband (not with any other man). How would you feel? Would you miss him or would you be happier? Being in love and loving someone can be two different things. I think once you have been with someone for a long period of time, you love them. People (myself included) mistake that "giddy" feeling as being in love, I would like to think that's not the case.
2007-10-22 08:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this friend as much as your husband? Do you think of your friend more than your husband? In what way do you think of this friend? As more than just a friend? If you think of this new guy as a friend, then I don't think its the same type of love as that of your love for your husband. Are you having issues with your husband that makes you turn to the new guy? Really consider what you have right now with your husband and what makes you not stop thinking about this "friend" of yours. Maybe you're getting the attention from this new guy that you no longer have from your husband right now and naturally you're drawn to that. You need to talk to your husband and spend more time with him and find out how he views the marriage at the moment. Does he feel like the love is lost? Only he'll be able to answer that question. One thing you don't want to do is emotionally involve yourself with your "friend" meaning don't share what you're feeling about your husband and your marriage with your friend and what you're feeling for him as well. You need to seperate feelings of friendship from that of love.
2007-10-22 07:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by onehotmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you may be having an emotional affair. STOP IT.
Second, "love" is not some thing you can point to....it's the commitment you made when you got married.
Stop screwing around with "what ifs" and get some counseling and/or put some serious time into being a GREAT wife.
2007-10-22 07:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feelings are just that - feelings. Love is a history together of caring for each other in the little, and big, things of life. Don't be side-tracked by this person at work. Share your thoughts and feelings with the one waiting for you a home.
2007-10-22 07:40:09 · answer #6 · answered by Bob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound selfish. How can you NOT know you're in love or not? Now all of the sudden new dude comes along and you get all googly inside. That's lust over this guy. Do everyone a favor and divorce your husband before you run off and cheat.
2007-10-22 07:33:18 · answer #7 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being married for 4 years is actually a sign of being in love. It is, however, a different kind of love than the type that goes on during courtship. However, courtship is never meant to last forever.
2007-10-22 07:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by The Eternal Squire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are in a realtionship for a long time, it is not unnatural to find yourself wanting someone else. Sometimes this is because you have lost feelings for your husband or it could just be just because you are bored. For both your benefits you should discover what it is becaus it is unfair for your husband if you cheat around on him. Think about your realtionship. Sometimes you stay with someone because you are used to them rather than because you love them.
2007-10-22 07:45:37 · answer #9 · answered by Eric G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called lust. Can you transfer to another dept or find another job? You need to get away from him to stop obsessing about him.
The next thing you need to do is work on your marriage. You would not be thinking about your co-worker unless there was something missing from your marriage.
You and your husband need to go to marriage counseling together.
2007-10-22 07:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋