I knew he had a problem but hope he would quit and I would be a positive influence which I am. But it has been two years and he will not quit or hasn't yet. Help?
2007-10-22 07:13:14 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is amazing this many people answered and I do appreciate it. However, I have too much to write for anyone to understand. Lot of you saying get out and leave him, well he has been living with me and spunging off me. I have gotten very little money in the year he has had to live with me. He doesn't do chores, he has picked up supper once. His clothes are cleaned and hung up. He didn't mow once this summer. It is hard to let go I do love him. I was just wondering. But it sure is cold to hear over and over "he doesn't love you and he will not quit for you ever." It might be true but is very cold. This is Wednesday October 14th, he is ignoring me this morning. I have a mechanical heart valve. I had been sick for two days. Is he helping or caring for me, NOPE. I am lonely. I do not have kids with him and never will be able to, hysterectomy. However, I have two teens at home. This jerk has been looking at my daughter who is 13. My daughter hates him. Guess it says all.
2007-10-24 03:25:21 · update #1
You can't help anybody that doesn't want to be helped. Get out now and save yourself future heartache and pain.
2007-10-22 07:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change a man nobody can change another person. You are what they call a co-dependant and should seek help as well. He has to be the one who is willing to change his drug and alcohol habit. The only thing you can do is suggest he gets help or you are getting out of the relationship. I just hope you do not have children by this man if not I suggest you get on the pill. Drugs and alcohol do not mix with a healthy relationship. Good luck.
2007-10-22 07:17:49 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you have to ask abotu it, than not its not healthy. Anyone who abuses alcohol or uses drugs will haev mreo chances of being violent and abusive later on. Id say et out now before its too late. If you have to ask if its a healthy relationship than chances are its not.
2016-05-24 18:17:59 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been with an addict and an alcoholic, trust me dear, you are only asking for trouble. You know in your heart that someone who is addicted to a substance has only room in their life for that love. Get out now before you waste anymore of your life. You can do it... if you hung out for two and a half years with an addict, you can do anything you set your mind to! An addict will never get rid of their addiction, the only thing that might change is whether or not they use. Most people go through a lifetime of relapses once a habit has been established. Best wishes and Good Luck to you!
2007-10-22 08:04:51 · answer #4 · answered by Really now 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it's certainly not healthy, not for you at any rate.
You've tried to be a positive influence and found out that it doesn't work, because most of the time it doesn't with people with drug and alcohol problems.
You can't save him. He has to be able to save himself, which means the drive to change has to come from within him.
The only person you can save is yourself. That means, you either accept him "as is" and let go of the need to save him from himself, or leave.
Good luck x
2007-10-22 07:30:37 · answer #5 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's not healthy you know that! Buy being with him you are actually enabling his abuse. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. I would recommend reading the book "women who love to much" it's about codependency and how we feel like as women we can change people and help people out of addiction but all we are really doing is enabling them to stay in addiction and hurting ourselves. Addiction is more painful on the sober partner and unfortunately you care completely helpless to help him until he helps himself and even then you can only be supportive. Good luck sweetie.
2007-10-22 08:04:53 · answer #6 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An addict will never change unless they want to, regardless of who or what they let try to help. They will never help themselves unless they truly want it. I feel your pain, but you need to try and send his butt to rehab, and if he doesn't want to change for the better and for the sake of the relationship, then move on and find someone who doesn't have drug problem.
2007-10-22 07:18:25 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where the hell is CAPTIAN OBVIOUS when you need him? Oh well, the answer you already know is NO sweety. Be strong, don't settle for a man who's first love is alcohol and drugs other than his God/his family/his woman. Period.
2007-10-22 07:28:22 · answer #8 · answered by Jazzie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Healthy? What do you think? You want us here to tell you that love conquers all and your relationship is quite healthy? I will tell you no such thing. He won't change unless it's for himself. It's up to you to either stick it out and deal or leave.
2007-10-22 07:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of course he isn't going to quit, he doesn't WANT to. You don't mean enough to him to quit "for you". Those who abuse alcohol and drugs don't do anything for anyone else. YOU got yourself into this...YOU have to get yourself out.
2007-10-22 09:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋