So Confused...?

Question

I think my husband is cheating on me. We have been together for 6 years and have 2 young daughters. My husband is the sweesest man I have ever met. He is so attentive towards me. But I have caught him in several lies.

1.) He gave me an STD when we first got together. He knew he had it but was too ashamed to saying anything.

2.) I noticed one of our girl friends was calling him. I never thought they had a close friendship and was very surprised to hear messages on his cell phone and I also found out that he had been calling her cell. He said he had never been with her and swore that he has never cheated on me. I later found out that they had 'dated' before we got together. She was calling him to talk about ''her relationship''... supposedly.

3.) He lied about his divorce. He said she cheated on him but when I asked her, she said he cheated on her multiple tiems and that he constantly lied to her. He never admitted to being unfaithful but she caught him.

I am so confused...

Also, last night we were laying in bed watching "The Holiday" and called me "Katie" which is not my name. He said it was becuase of Kate Winslet and it was as slip of the tongue. We work together so I know he's not seeing anyone at work...

It's just all the lies and the secrets..

Answer 1

Sweetest guy you say? Him giving you an STD is the biggest sign he is a jerk. I dont care how embarrassed he was, if he cared about you at all, he would have told you, or at least wore a condom. That one act in itself shows he cares more about himself than he does about you.

If he is still in contact with an old girlfriend, then expect another STD.

He has lied to you 3 times, just in this one post. Open your eyes and smell the roses. Dont be confused, just look at the facts in the clear light of day. He's a liar and is capable of cheating and it is my guess he is.

Answer 2

You have much evidence against your husband's cheating habits. While you decide what to do about your husband, also think about the two daughters who can get caught in between all this. Mostly likely, you know what he sounds and acts like when he is lying as well as telling the truth. You need to eventually sit down and talk with him about your concerns. Try to focus on your recent concerns first, (your #2) before revealing your other concerns (your #1 and 3). Focus on how he answers your questions, and do not be afraid to challenge his answers in a respectful tone. (No need to yell. Stay in control).

If you feel he is indeed cheating, recommend a third party intervention like counseling if you intend to keep this relationship thriving. If he does not approve, this is a sign that things may get worse. Develop an emergency exit plan for you and the children.

If however he has not cheated or had been cheating, he should be willing to make you feel more at peace about this situation. Of course, you need to be willing to tell him what will put your mind at ease if this becomes the case.

If he is abusive to you or the daughters, get out immediately! No man is worth having to suffer abuse. My mother endured such for almost 20+ years. We all suffered in the long run, and she is just about scared of men.

I hope this helps, and I hope for the sake of your family, he is not cheating, or is al least willing to be a man and make amends.

Answer 3

You can be pretty sure that this man is cheating on you! Some men feel that they are entitled to more than one woman and do a very good balancing act with even more than two, but it eventually falls apart. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You'll just have to decide if he means enough to you to put up with his cheating ways. Someday he may settle down, but he probably will never be an "honest" person.

Answer 4

Do you really want to know?
I hate to tell you but he sounds a lot like my ex, who was cheating and left me for another woman.

What will happen if you confront him? What about your daughters? Will you be willing to share custody with him and his gf(s) if/when you split? Will you be financially secure w/o him if he isn't dependable for child support? Is he a good daddy, or will both you & the girls be better off w/o him? Are you worried about other more serious STD's he may be bringing home?

You have some tough decisions to make with no easy answers and no really happy endings. You can hire an attorney and they will hire a PI to follow him and find out what's going on, but be ready to live with the consequences of whatever you find out.

I feel for you & for your daughters. You have to do what's best for you & for them. Do you want them to grow up and think it's ok for a man to do them that way, too?

Answer 5

Dump the guy. You cannot change him, that's something he has to come to terms with. My wife started cheating and lied about it for months, but I knew what was going on. She took as much as she could from me and wants even more. Now I'm deep in debt and guess what - she filed for divorce. Half of everything must be split, but she already took all she wanted (still wants more), but she doesn't understand that we also must assume half the debt! Not only is it likely she will have to pay me maintenance, but also she will be hit up with half of the debt - which is considerable at this time.

Answer 6

Usually when a woman has some kind of worry about her man cheating usually it is happening. Are you a possessive person? Have you ever been a jelouse person in the past where you accused your lover cheating? If you are not like that then most likely he is probably cheating on you. Find out for you sanity. Do not be a doormat.

Answer 7

Where is the confusion? Your so sweet and attentive hubby is a freaking liar and can't be trusted. How the hell can he knowing pass you an STD. That is not the definition of a sweet man..thats the definition of an AZZZhole!! You shouldnt believe anything that comes out of his mouth and most likely he is cheating on you...so what are you prepared to do about it?

Answer 8

Confused? Why? Seems to me you're just wishing to be blind. Here...let me make this simple for you okay?

1. He lied to you.
2. He lied to you.
3. He lied to you.

What more do you need to know. Three strikes. Oh...and you got the drip because 'he was too embarrased'??? Boy....a case of the clap. What a relief....could have been AIDS. Of course and then again...if he had AIDS think he'd be too embarrased to tell you? Nothing like giving you an unwanted death sentence eh?

Answer 9

Assuming that your facts are actually facts... He's cheating.

What do you do? I don't know. There's not enough information. That is, maybe the relationship can be saved. But keep in mind, that both members of the relationship have to want to save it. If it's just you, you'll just get frustrated trying. ***You can't change someone else, even for the better, unless he/she wants to change.***

I suggest talking to a professional counselor before making any decisions. You'd be surprised what kind of insights you can find with the help of someone who is trained in psychology.

Answer 10

I highly doubt the friend was calling your hubby to talk about her relationship with another man, more like her want of a relationship with your man. If he lied about cheating on his previous wife, then he is more than likely lying about cheating now. I would confront him on the phone calls.