Which of the following played a major part in your divorce or troubled relationship?

Question

I would like to know what couples fight about, what they can't get past, and what is a major contributor in divorce, (specifically interracial/multi culural relationships)? Is it culture differences, communication, selfishness, not understanding eachothers feelings/views, in-laws, etc... or something else?

Answer 1

I found three things contributed to my first marriage breaking up. They are major things.

First, I was under the illusion that I could change my wife.
Second, I thought getting married would help a situation that was not optimal.
Third, I thought ignoring a big problem would help it go away.

I guess the first one, if I had the wisdom before I did, I wouldn't have gotten married. We were incompatible, but I thought I could make her different and we could be compatible

I didn't realize that getting married makes things harder - even though, if the challenges are met and things work well, it is more rewarding. I was under an illusion things would get easier with commitment between us.

Things went pretty bad and I thought if I let things rest then things would have a better chance to get better. What happened is the problem got worse and I learned, if things are to get better, they have to be worked on.

There isn't anything in this about cultural or interracial things, but I would say those differences can be blocks, if surmounted would be rewarding, but they will make things more challenging.

Agreeing on how to deal with in-laws is important. In-laws won't undo a marriage, but how the marriage reacts and agrees or disagrees on how to handle it could cause problems.

Selfishness has its place and appropriate amounts. People must feel free to be themselves without risking major rejection. Too much selfishness doesn't allow compromise to work things out.

Understanding each other's feelings through communication, talking and listening, is what is needed to keep things going and attain some level of happiness.

If conversations end up in fights too often, it is helpful to seek couples counseling. It provides a place you can say what you feel and have a moderator keep things civil and safe for both parties to express hard things to say.

If you are in a situation with hard aspects, I hope things go well for you.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

My ex and I argued about anything and everything under the sun. He was a drunk who stopped drinking and then he became a dry drunk. He started controlling me. The two of us could not put anything in the past no matter what it was. Alot of times we could not sit in the same room without arguing and I was just tired of it. As long as there was an argument then my ex was happy. He was a sick man and he made me into a sick person. We did finally get a divorce and I am now living a more peaceful life. I am now married again and my husband and I get along pretty good but still have a few arguments.

Answer 3

Biggest problem in my last failed relationship was substance use and abuse. My ex was really messed up on prescription pills and would self medicate all the time. For about 5 years I tried helping her and many of my friends believed that I was trying to play the Saviour in our relationship, but I believe I was only trying to help her. Regardless it got way out of hand and eventually me and my son had to leave this marriage. This woman ended up taking her own life about 5 years ago as she could never overcome this demon. But there are many things other than substances that can create marital unhappiness, it is different for everyone.

Answer 4

Communication mostly. That includes lying and not truly listening to each other. If you say you will do something or try to change you need to really make an effort. It's hard when you try to communicate with someone who agrees with you, but then refuses to stop the bad behavior (anger and yelling in my case) but they say they will and they apologize all the time.

Answer 5

That's a tall order, too many variables to answer your question effectively. However if you both focus on each other, the relationship and remember it's your life together that is important you will be fine. Disagreements will arise but you'll be able to work them out...Good Luck.

Answer 6

the key is 2 people working together

there are times when 1 is doing the work and the other is not

however you need to communicate at all times and be open with your needs

relationships are a continual negotiation

Answer 7

My final bf develop into somewhat insecure (no longer 4 any good reason that i could see), necessary consistent interest, develop into continually feeling undesirable. It develop into terrible. He harbors alot of private guilt (he's a cheat). He develop into additionally without compassion. SUCKY

Answer 8

Oh man.....how to discipline the kids, the kids in general, money, communication issues

Answer 9

In-laws and sex. Not like it sounds. LOL.

Answer 10

His drug use and abuse.